Tumbit : Jo Green - Having a Baby in Spain

After living in Spain for 5 years, and 2.1/2 as a parent, it finally seems as though we are getting somewhere close to being accepted into the local community.(Speaking Spanish as badly as we do, and both working with native English speakers, it is hardly surprising that it has taken us so long and we wholy accept that this is our own fault).

At nursery our daughter has a best friend who is a local spanish girl, and with her birthday being yesterday our daughter wanted to make her a small card and give her a little token present to take to nursery to give to her. This was followed up yesterday evening with a call from the girl's mother (Who we have never actually met!) Thanking us for the gift and card and inviting her to a small birthday party today !

Wow ! - For a Spaniard to invite anyone to their home is an honour – especially “ Extajaneros “ like ourselves ( one might also call us “ Guiri's “ ).

It may seem slightly odd but last night we found ourselves thinking about this – and we have no idea what the etiquette or protocol is, or what we should expect. In England a toddlers birthday party would be a barrage of balloons, jelly and ice cream and party games - should we expect the same or are there vast cultual differences that we didn't yet know about? - Were we expected to leave our daughter or stay at the party with her ?

It turns out that I needn't have worried. We could not have been made to feel more welcome. The family spoke clear Castellano to us (Not forgetting that this was their second language – their first being Valenciano, so this in itself was a real effort to make us feel welcome on their part)- and our daughter, as "the best friend", was made to feel esepcially welcome.

The customs and protocols were pretty much as you would expect in the UK for a toddlers party – plenty of food and cakes and pop and crisps – plenty of screaming and shouting and playing. All in all I am really pleased that we were invited – and happy that we made the effort to go and would recommend that anybody in a similar situation came out of their comfort zone and did the same.

Tips : Take a change of clothing for your child – in situations like this it is aswell to be prepared, and learn the words to “Happy Birthday“ in Spanish, as below ... (Although you may find that there are a few regional variations, you should at the very least be able to wish them "Cumpleanos Feliz")

" Cumpleaños Feliz,

Although my daughter is a year away from even starting pre-school, I have been doing my homework and asking around for the opinions and advice of various friends as to their experiences with the whole Spanish Education system. On the whole it appears that (aside from a few insignificant and expected niggles such as “Thing’s aren’t like this in the UK...“) it seems that most people are happy, however I have noticed that since I started asking questions a couple of months ago, that just recently more and more people have a concern with the same issue.

This month it just happens to be September – the first month back to school after the lengthy school holidays and also the time of year where children move up a year or on to a new school and as such new subjects will be taught. This means that a host of new school books will be required to be bought and paid for - and it is not unusual for 2 or 3 Books to be required for each child and for each school year (Pity the Family with a host of children of school age!)

Sometimes it seems a book can cost as much as 30 Euros and in most cases the cost of buying these books for one school year alone can be around 250 to 300 Euros (per child!)

The Education Department for each Autonomous Region subsidises these costs to a degree (This is called the “Bono Libre“ and is distributed in the form of Vouchers that can be redeemed at participating Bookstores) but it rarely covers even half of the amount required – and even then, this is only applicable for Children at Primary School and not beyond.

On top of this list of books (that will be provided by the school) each individual teacher will produce a list of items required in order for the child to participate in their lessons – such as calculators and various pens etc... – You can see how it all adds up – and if it is anything like when I went to school half of these items will either get lost or go unused

The problem is that there is never an alternative to the books required – and as such it seems that the publishers are well aware of this and hike up the prices – it is a captive market after all ! Furthermore every parent wants to provide the best possible start for their child and is put in a position where they have to buy all of these books together in a relatively short period of time to avoid their child going without and slipping behind in class.

Many of my friends and neighbours have been caught out with this situation in the past and have wisely started to put a small amount of money aside each month just to cover the bombshell that drops in September every year, and I am considering doing the same (I like to be ahead of the game!)

At nearly all Private schools the cost of the required books is covered in the overall charges for each term, so this situation only applies to state education.

When you have a baby in Spain it seems that your social life takes a completely different path than it would if you were in the same situation in the UK. Our friends in the UK have the Luxury of the various family friendly pubs to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon in, kids and all,and a number of parks to spend the (admittedly short)summer afternoons in. Weekend evenings generally seem to be spent by calling in one of the Grandparents to Baby-sit for a couple of hours of well deserved R&R. Winter months seem to involve numerous trips to the various local play gyms or maybe an afternoon at a zoo or some other local attraction.

When we first moved to Spain this wasn't even a consideration, as it was a couple of years before I even gave birth, and as such we only had ourselves and our own free time to think about. We spent our free afternoons either on the beach or around the pool if it was hot, gardening or shopping if it was cooler. Evenings were either spent at one of the local bars, a restaurant by the beach or maybe some party being held locally.

After our daughter came along we had to re-consider everything. With us not having Grandparents or Aunties & Uncles in Spain we essentially had to have her with us at all times and if we ventured out for an afternoon or even for an evening, we had to do so on her terms.

It is definitely easier to socialize during the summer months. The fact that it is so hot during the day means that babies tend to sleep longer during the afternoon – often going for a nap after lunch and not waking up until maybe 6 ish, and as so it is not unusual to see young toddlers being taken into restaurants in the late evening. Most of our friends in the UK are used to putting their baby to sleep in the very early evening and it probably seems strange to them when they hear of us coming back from a local bar at 10ish on a Friday evening - even hearing of us coming back from a bar with our daughter probably sounds strange !

Because most Spaniards prefer to live in the Town as opposed to on an urbanization or in the Campo, they naturally don't have a lot of outside living space, and as such many Bars and Restaurants are situated close to Children's play areas or something similar. So in the Summer months it is the norm for families to sit for few hours with a glass of wine whilst the toddlers are kept occupied on the swings.

It gets much more difficult during the winter months. Fortunately the winter months are quite short, but this also means that there are very few places who make provision for keeping a toddler occupied . At one stage my partner and I thought we had found a niche in the market to consider opening a play gym, but in reality it would only ever be used 3 or 4 months a year until the beaches or playgrounds could be used again when the warmer weather came.

Anybody reading the multitude of well-meaning ex-pat guides will know that there are hundreds of “Mother and Toddler“ groups up and down the Costas that claim to help new Mums with support and advise, help them make friends , help them with the language, and so on. Unfortunately they all assume that the majority of Mothers do not work as none of them seem to be at weekends or outside working Hours (Remember that many babies are not put to bed until much later in the evening). I might even suggest that my Partner took our daughter to one of these Mother & Toddler groups but assures me that he would probably stand out and made to feel as welcome as a pork chop in a synagogue.

Despite my partner putting forward a strong case for hibernation, it seems that if you have a young family, that the winter months in spain are something that just have to be endured.

The biggest problem for us by far in August is the fact that most things shut down entirely for a whole month - in fact pretty much all manufacturing, Industry and commerce grinds to a complete halt for the whole of August and all that is really open are High Street Shops, Supermarkets and anyone directly concerned with the Tourist or Leisure Industry (Of course, you will find that nearly all Businesses operated by Ex-Pats function as normal) The reason that the Spanish can afford to take a full month off work is because in cases where they have a legal contract, most of the time they will be eligible for taking home 14 Months wage per year (Yep, 14!) – This is so that they can take a double Salary just before Christmas and a double Salary at the start of August so they can enjoy their Summer Holiday! Ex-Pat Companies rarely offer this scheme, and it has to be said that more and more Spanish companies are moving away from it aswell, but the tradition of taking the month of August off seems a little more difficult to shake off.

Becuase I work in the Travel & Holiday Industry, August is obviously a very busy time for me and as such it is almost impossible for me to have any time off work. The issue gets further complicated because our daughter’s nursery falls into this bracket - they are closed from 1st August to 1st September every year (In addition to the Various Local, Regional and National Fiestas , which in themselves total about 20 Days a Year). Fortunately my partner works from home for the majority of the time and so can usually juggle things around if needs be to look after her in the Mornings. So for 5 Mornings a week, 4 weeks of the year my Partner spends the mornings Looking after our Daughter until I am back from work, and then we switch over so he can work - usually long into the evening depending upon how much work he has to do. As a rule of thumb relatives and other visitors stay away in August – either due to them finding the heat too oppressive, it being too busy with Tourists or the fact that the cost of Flights has been hiked up to match demand - and as such we find ourselves without much respite.

It makes us very thankful that we have a very good Nursery that is local to us, and makes the 150 Euros per Month that we spend seem very, very reasonable. If only we could persuade them to open in August!

In September of 2010 our daughter will be 3 Years and 3 Months old and we will have the opportunity to send her to School if we wish (It is optional up to 5 years) and given that the majority of her friends will be moving on from Nursery at the same time it seems logical for us not to hold her back. Unfortunately the school Holidays here are even longer than in the UK (because we don’t have a half term break over here) and as such it will be necessary for us to make some other provision for childcare come August next year.

I can understand why so many Spanish mothers don’t work – or at least if they do work, they usually live in a “ Multi-Generation “ House, with Grandma and Grandad on hand all day every day to lend a hand with Cooking, cleaning and babysitting. Better get started on building that Granny Flat !