Obsessing about money

I often think about money – who doesn’t? – and I now feel like sharing some of my thoughts with others to see whether anyone else on the planet has the kind of thoughts that whirl around in my head. I thus welcome thoughtful comments on this blog (no insults please).

My unhealthy obsession with the filthy lucre.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013 @ 4:28 PM

I’ve always been fascinated by different people’s attitudes towards money and often find myself questioning my own approach to the filthy lucre. Some might say I’m too fixated with trying to save every penny; a charge I can’t deny. I consider it an extravagance to spend more than a penny on a teabag for instance (I could do better and get 80 teabags for 27p at the supermarket, but Adrian won’t let me so I have to shell out a pound on a packet of 100 Typhoo teabags). More than a pound on 6 free-range eggs won’t be countenanced and neither will over a pound for a four-pinter of milk. I’ll spend ten minutes queuing in Poundland to not go over-budget on any of these.

This tight controlling of the purse-strings is a habit borne of past necessity, having been poor as a child and young adult, but now that I don’t have to be careful, why do I keep it up? Adrian says:

‘Go on! Treat yourself! You know you can spend whatever you like.’

And sometimes I think I should buy that £100 (and the rest) dress or £70 jumper from John Lewis. But all I can think is:

‘There’s no way in my whole life I’ll spend that!’ (I will splash out on the coffee and scones there though).

If people could see into my head (pity them) they’d think:

‘God. Stop obsessing about every penny. Get a life. Chill out.’

This up-tight attitude towards money has a knock-on effect in other areas of my life, meaning for example that I have difficulty in ‘having fun.’ I’m just not the type. Even as a child I didn’t play games, except for the solitary type; two balls against the wall at the side of the house. I even remember at maybe four years of age having a few dolls and teddies and having no idea what I was supposed to do with them. And now as an adult I am an observer in life. I hold the bags and mobiles while everyone else gets on the boat on the lake, I take the kids to the cinema and later pick them up, without seeing a film myself. It’s an archetypal female passivity.

And while I’m watching, not doing, I wonder: ‘What are other women my age doing with their lives?’ Are they out having girly nights in wine bars (or did they disappear in the ‘80s which was around the last time I regularly went out after 7pm)? Or are they all off at some Zumba class having a real laugh? Or at spa breaks in swanky hotels? Or, with regard to my more earthy former friends, down the club getting pissed and getting a sh*g? Is life passing me by? If I ventured out after dark would I experience life more fully? Shouldn’t I be squeezing every ounce out of it?

When we have a business success or an unexpected wind-fall, do we crack open the champagne? No we don’t. Because we have no idea how to celebrate. What is celebrating? What are parties? What are holidays? They’re social constructs and I can’t put on an act and pretend they make me happy.

‘Let’s go to Wetherspoons!’ Adrian will declare or, ‘Let’s have fish and chips for tea!’ That’s about the level we take it to. And I’ll even warm up a tin of mushy peas (14p from the supermarket), rather than pay the 90p or so for a carton of it from the chippy. I think I belong to a different era. I’d re-use the teabags if Adrian allowed me to.

Of course, when we have to fit in with ‘normal’ society and for instance go out to a restaurant with friends, we can’t avoid excessive expenditure. It’s enough to bring on a panic attack. Sorry, but I don’t derive pleasure out of spending £80 for two little plates of food and two bigger plates of food and one or two drinks (our friends don’t bat an eyelid at a bill of £160 for four people).

One middle class friend, with a different attitude to mine, once asserted her aim to spend all of her and her husband’s not-inconsiderable income by the end of every month.

‘It makes sense to spend everything,’ she said. ‘Because when we retire, although we’ll be on less money with our pensions, we’ll have no mortgage so our outgoings will be down and we’ll be able to live just as well as we do now.’ It seems like most people spend every penny every month, even if they’re earning a fortune.

I JUST CAN’T DO IT.

(And I also can’t see the virtue or sense in it.)

So I didn’t have the big wedding (would have hated it), have never been on a cruise (the holiday-choice for lazy gluttons) and haven’t done the posh railway journey or gastronomic tour of Italy even though Adrian often hankers after these (‘You know you couldn’t actually bring yourself to spend that money,’ I say). Instead, the money stays in the bank, I take time most days to go into different shops to get the best deals, and many of my clothes are from charity shops. I think I know why. It’s:

BECAUSE SPENDING MONEY DOES NOT MAKE ME HAPPY!

Does it have that effect on everyone else?

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james w said:
Wednesday, October 9, 2013 @ 9:24 PM

Hi eggcup. Interesting piece, you sound like my grandmother,who was a true Scot. No offense there, my grandmother was a lovely lady!
I see where you are coming from but I don't think anyone really enjoys spending money, they would much rather get things for free, which isn't possible unfortunately. The pleasure doesn't come from spending the money but what you receive in return for the money. Admittedly some can make silly mistakes and pay too much for a certain item but one of reasons one does pay more for something that can be bought at a cheaper price is because of quality or rarity, it is not always the case but if I can identify that the quality is clearly better and worth the extra price I will indeed pay it happily, if I can afford it. ultimately this item should produce enough pleasure to not think about what it cost. If it produces regret it clearly wasn't worth it or you couldn't afford it in the first place.I can't imagine what you would get in a tin of peas for 14p but when it comes to food I certainly will pay the extra to get quality and healthier food. Its like anything I suppose if you just look at the price you get what you pay for. But do you enjoy it? or is it just fuel for the body? If you don't enjoy eating fair enough.The fact that you would not dish out for a cruise is because a cruise doesn't obviously attract you enough to part with the money. I can understand that, and probably wouldn't either, some things just don't seem like they are worth it or its difficult to see the value before hand but I do get the impression from your piece that you are a bit obsessed with not spending money. There is nothing wrong with it. There's no need to be reckless with your money but you can enjoy the good things in life too from time to time. A great restaurant shouldn't be a regret but an enjoyment and an experience. A fantastic holiday should also bring happiness, relaxation and unforgettable memories, if it doesn't it was wasted money and shouldn't be repeated. However some people find happiness in seeing their bank account grow, but at the end of the day we earn money to enjoy life because very few things in life are free. So if you enjoy life I am very happy for you, they say "the less you need the wealthier you are", maybe you just haven't found anything worth spending your money on yet... good luck finding it, because if you do it will be something that brings you more pleasure than not spending it.
Thanks for the post I really enjoyed it.

eggcup said:
Thursday, October 10, 2013 @ 10:37 AM

Thanks James for such an excellent and thoughtful comment. I've got a complicated relationship with money and so feel like exploring it a bit; hence the new blog. I tend to think my attitude towards it is unusual, but often when you write as honestly as you can about your thoughts and feelings, you find others can see things similarly or at the very least see where you're coming from.
As for the mushy peas I once read that they put the same stuff in all the tins, and just charge less if it's their cheapy own brand label.

fazeress said:
Saturday, October 12, 2013 @ 3:34 PM

Interesting piece! Lets see who is the first to announce 'What does this have to do with Spain!' :)
You know, my mother always says that you don't become rich by spending it, which is true indeed. James had a good point. I was thinking that I do indeed enjoy spending money, but it is in fact what I have spent it on which gives me the pleasure. I enjoy buying things for my Granddaughter, no doubt about that. She even gets pleasure with the pack of new socks I bought with elephant pictures on! I love to see her so engrossed in little things. I have always managed my money pretty well. As a student nurse many moons ago I had to be careful and I was and always managed to save enough money for 2 or 3 holidays abroad a year. My friends would ask how on earth did I manage it. Simple! I didn't go out everynight and drink my liver to death and at that point didn't smoke either! Then I married someone who spent more than we had and it all could've gone so very wrong in the financial department but thanks to the bank of Mum and Dad it didn't and then I met and married my present husband who couldn't be more careful with money but not in tight way! If we have it he's fairly happy for it to be spent but never wasted (well almost never! He likes a casino night on holiday sometimes!). I'm happy with this as I always feel secure and can usually have something if I want it and always if I 'need' it! I don't tend to look for the cheapest of everything, especially not in supermarkets. Life is too short and driving to the one as opposed to two or three has to be saving me money. Working 6 days a week at present (but hopefully not for too much longer) also means I don't have time. When we're in Spain I will have more time and more need to be frugal and look at what I'm spending and have no intention of going to Iceland everyweek but to use local shops and markets! I think then I will enjoy seeing how little I can spend and that in itself will be rewarding as that will then leave more money for visits back to the Uk to visit family. I didn't have a big wedding (2nd time) and haven't done the cruise or other things listed but I have to confess we invested in a Vacation Club in the Dominican Republic where we spend one or two weeks basking in complete luxury with our own villa for the duration, own pool, several private beaches with great service, golf buggy to get around on.... May not be your thing eggie but it sure takes away the stress! Let me know if you're interested, we can allow friends to go in our place! :)

dontim said:
Saturday, November 2, 2013 @ 3:27 PM

Dear Eggcup,

Another fantastic and unexpected posting! A lot of what you say resonates with me.

The only thing the economist in me has to point out is this: if everyone was as careful with their money as you (or I), there wouldnt be nearly so much employment or consumption. For me this would be a good thing, but I dont think the majority of people are equipped to be happy with just the simple things of life, like walking, riding a bike, swimming in the sea, a glass of wine looking at the sunset: they want to go on activity holidays or cruises, they want to have their own swimming pool (and second home villa), they want to go out for a meal and be served by waiters.

Personally I am with you. I went out for dinner yesterday and was surrounded by lots of shouty people, paying an inflated price for indifferent food served up in over-large portions. The only beneficiaries were the cats!

Tim

eggcup said:
Sunday, November 3, 2013 @ 1:26 PM

Thanks dontim. I knew I couldn't be the only person on the planet who thought like this. As you say the best things in life are the simple things. I am, as I write, eating a delicious piece of fresh baguette with butter, washed down with council pop and it's lush. A bit of sunlight just lit up the room on a grey Welsh day, and things are pretty good (touch wood).

dontim said:
Sunday, November 3, 2013 @ 7:31 PM

There are a few problems with the enjoyment of simple things, Eggcup, and that is you have to be very strong willed to resist the pressures of envy. When your old but much loved jalopy is spluttering up the hill and you are overhauled by the effortless power of a BMW, it is vital to remember that the person driving it is just a victim of advertising, even though he (or she) thinks that by toiling away (or stealing) in order to pay for his luxury car he is somehow superior.

The second problem is when you have friends who try to deride you for not spending money. It is especially irritating when these are friends who have never had to make a living.

jsevanbergen said:
Saturday, November 16, 2013 @ 11:51 PM

I agree about 'having fun' and being an onlooker on these events.
If someone invites me to something which will be 'fun' I shudder and do everything in my power to avoid it.

I work all day, every day in my own business buying and selling ladies fashions, but I never have any money, - no savings or pensions because I re-spend all takings on more stock.
I can't to take it seriously, it's just a tool to use to get what you want. I feel no desire to have a load in the bank, although I would like to pay off my credit cards.
I can be pennypinching too, but it tends to be on small things. I was over the moon to receive a parcel with 4 unfranked 1st class stamps on it, but I have just bought a fabulous handbag (2nd hand), because I want it and why not? There are no pockets in shrouds.

Views on finances are a very complex subject.
joanna

eggcup said:
Sunday, November 17, 2013 @ 3:53 PM

Yes, Joanna, that's why I find the subject so fascinating. Attitudes towards money say a lot about people. If you owe money and you're not too bothered about it, for instance; what does that say about you? And, like you, I'm pleased about gaining a little advantage like the free stamps.

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eggcup
I'm a landlord and writer. I write about life as a landlord and I write about the years I spent living in Spain. I like trying to work out what it's all about.