So the ‘SOLD’ sign has gone up outside your mortgage free property in a leafy suburb of England, the international removals have delivered your worldly goods to your new casa, and you consider yourself to be a fully paid up expat.
Yes Spain is where you now live, you consider it to be ‘home’.
But let’s face it, the experience of popping over to the Costa’s two or three times a year for a holiday, is really not the same as moving your life, to ‘live’ that life permanently, and many couples are unprepared for the reality of their retirement dream, which for some, turns into a nightmare.
A few weeks back there was a lively discussion about the number of expats leaving Spain, and many contributors told us about their own particular ‘nightmare’ which in many cases was as a result of purchasing from unscrupulous developers, and they had become trapped by the signature from their own fair hand.
But other more simple things can have an equally detrimental impact on your new life and make you both, or even just one of you, desperate to book a one way ticket back to your old home town. I would hazard a guess and say that the female of the species is more adversely affected than the male by that nasty little bug they call HOMESICKNESS!
No matter how much Mrs Surprisingly Sixty is looking forward to the move, once the novelty of long sunny days, and getting the new Spanish abode ship shape, has worn off, she might begin to miss her trips to Marks and Sparks, where she used to pick up a £10.00 meal deal on a regular basis. She might miss the social side of her previous life with her friends and work colleagues. She might miss her beloved former home, her neighbours, and her old familiar lifestyle.
But most of all, she most definitely WILL miss the Grandchildren, that's who will tug at her heart strings most of all. On days when the heat is too hot, the mosquitoes are hungry, and spirits are low, there will be heated discussions, resentfulness will rear its ugly head, and blame will be apportioned as to ‘whose idea this was in the first place’.
Meanwhile, I think Mr Sod it I’m Sixty, takes a completely different view. His needs are met on a daily basis. He hits the golf course, enjoys a few post putting rounds of San Miguel, followed by a nice siesta, after which he’ll pop out for another swift half, just because he can.
There’s really not much about his old life he’s likely to miss as he’s been working day in, day out for the last 40 years to get exactly where he wants to be.
He laughs in the face of homesickness!
When the wife has a weepy wobble, his thought process convinces him that the Grandkids will come and visit in a couple of weeks, her indoors will get a ‘Nanny fix’ and she’ll be back to her old self again.
In my experience, it’s not quite as simple as that. But once you’ve sold up in the UK, sunk your assets into a retirement dream home, lived off your savings for a few years, no matter how unhappy your spouse is, no matter how much you want your old life back, you are very unlikely to be able to ever return to the same lifestyle in England that you left behind.
It’s a HUGE step to uproot your life, leave behind your nearest and dearest, and the familiar things that we all take for granted and start a new life in Spain.
In any relationship there is always one who is less certain than the other that it’s the right choice. Some lucky ex pats embrace their new life, and never look back. Indeed after a few cursory trips back to the UK, they would be happy never to land on British soil again.
But I’ve watched from the side-lines as many couples, with seemingly rock solid, long term relationships, fall apart after just a few years of arriving in Spain to start a new chapter in their life.
They appear as a couple less and less, and eventually all is revealed. The Mrs, is no longer in residence. There is often an attempt to hide the true reason for the wives departure, an ageing relative is the most common excuse I've heard often.
A few weeks later, the languishing husband is summoned back to the UK for a visit, the ‘Se Vende’ sign goes up and life comes round full circle!
Has homesickness ever adversely affected your new life in Spain, if so, how have you dealt with it?
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