The Curmudgeon

By The Curmudgeon

I am basically a law-abiding citizen, a democrat, who fully understands that society needs rules in order for life to function. And that therefore a police force is required.

However, it’s odd that Spain needs three, which are all independent of each other.

Although when it comes to which force is responsible for what, the lines are somewhat blurred.

Click here to find out more: Spain's three police forces explained... and who does what!

The Curmudgeon and the Cops – A Brief History

USA

In Malibu California (USA) in 1968, I got talking to a couple of cops outside a general store where we and they had stopped for refreshment.

“Is it true that British cops don’t carry guns?” they asked.

I confirmed that this was the case.

“Well, how do they do their job then?

I tried to explain, but they didn’t get it.

I learned that they had both previously worked in San Diego, which was apparently full of dangerous armed criminals. Their job was very stressful and dangerous, they told me, and they were delighted to have been transferred to peaceful Malibu, home of film stars and other rich people.

“But we still need to carry a gun”, they informed me.

UK 1

In 1989 I was stopped for speeding in Warrington (Cheshire). When the traffic cop found out I was a teacher, which I was back then, you could see him lick his lips. He threw the book at me! B****rd!

I guess he had had a bad time at school and didn’t like teachers.

My recollection of my time teaching at a Roman Catholic Boys’ Grammar School in the 1970s was that the big lads who were good at rugby and passed few, if any, O-Levels, joined the police!

Blimey!

UK 2

In 1993, on a Saturday morning, I had picked up my two young kids from a trampolining session and was rushing my daughter across town for her ballet class and my son to his karate lesson, and I was stopped for exceeding the speed limit.

Amy burst out crying: “I’m going to be late for ballet”, she sobbed. The copper must have had a daughter too, cos he let me off! Amazing, as I was as guilty as sin!

Spain 1

Until this week, I’d always got on well with the Spanish “Fuzz”, whether Policia Nacional, Policia Local or Guardia Civil.

But this week I’m fed up to the back teeth! And it’s only Thursday!

I received a fine by registered post for a trumped-up driving misdemeanour. When I tried to pay it within the 20 days in order to get a 50% discount, THE COMPUTER WOULDN’T LET ME!

The Guardia Civil wanted 200€ instead of the discounted 100€ to which I was entitled. The problem is, and it’s more than frustrating, you can’t speak to a human being, only the disembodied voice on the computer.

I consulted my gestora and she said: “Paul, just pay it. You can never win against the police, even if you are in the right, which I think you are, by the way. They will never back down!”

So, I thought, “Nothing has changed really since Franco’s time!” [Back in time the guardia civil were Franco’s stormtroopers, but, I thought in the 50 years since the dictator’s demise, things had changed! Apparently, not.]

Spain 2

Yesterday, we were in Marbella for medical appointments. I parked in a blue zone, controlled by parking meters. Having failed to pay at three different machines, which were all clearly out of order, I downloaded the parking app, registered my car and thought: “Bob’s your uncle!”…..

….. But when we got back to the car after our medical examinations were over, there was a piece of paper stuck under one of the windscreen wipers!

A parking fine! 50€!

“Excuse me! I downloaded the app.”

The parking ticket said “no anulable”.

This presented me with a number of obstacles to sorting things out there and then:

• There were no local bobbies around for me to point out their error to.
• The Town Hall, who are responsible for issuing the ticket, was closed, as it was after 2.00 pm.
• Friday is dia festivo nacional, Saturday is Saturday, Sunday is domingo and Monday is another dia festivo (Inmaculada Concepcion).
• And I don’t live in Marbella!

I’m inclined to ignore the fine, but they will undoubtedly embargo my bank account for the money, a practice only known in Spain, as far as I’m aware. Who do they think they are, that they can willy-nilly plunder a citizen’s bank account against his/her will?

Banana republic, or what?

I am very fond of calling Spain, my beloved adopted homeland, a "banana republic", because of the handful of things that frustrate not only me, but other “guiris”, AS WELL AS SPANISH PEOPLE.

Top of the list, the way the police treat us, in a very top-down manner. “We’re right, you’re wrong!” With no recourse to justice and fairness.

Bureaucracy, by the way, comes in a close second, but that’s another story, for another day …..

What to do?

In this last case, I intend to try and ring Marbella council. But, that will have to wait until next Tuesday because of the “puente”.

If I that brings no joy, I shall refuse to pay the fine. What are they going to do? Chuck me in gaol and throw away the key? I’m 74, and ailing, so I don’t think they will do that.

No, they’ll just plunder my bank account and steal the 50 euros!

As my wife and my Spanish neighbours always say: “Just pay it, Pablo! That’s the way it is here!”

Excuse me! I thought Franco was long dead, almost 50 years ago!

And, on the anniversary of Spain becoming a democracy, 47 years ago THIS VERY DAY, 6 December, Día de la Constitución, the country is still showing signs of severe authoritarianism (ie state-sponsored bullying!)

I rest my case!

© The Curmudgeon

Links:

Police check in Spain - Secret Serrania de Ronda

Spain's three police forces explained... and who does what!

Photos:

Alamy

BestDiplomats

BBC

Costasur

El HuffPost

Euro Weekly News

Facebook

La Razon

Pueblos de Malaga

www.marbella.es

Tags:

app, Authoritarianism, ballet class, banana republic, British cops don’t carry guns, bureaucracy, California, Curmudgeon, democrat, Día de la Constitución, dia festivo, dia festivo nacional, exceeding the speed limit, Franco, gestora, green zone, Guardia Civil, guiri, Inmaculada Concepcion, karate, law-abiding citizen, Malibu, Marbella council, no anulable, parking app, parking meter, parking ticket, police force, Policia Local, Policia Nacional, puente, Spanish “Fuzz”, Spanish Police, state-sponsored bullying, trampolining, Warrington, Cheshire, USA

áéíóúü©

The most popular day for a día de descanso in bars and restaurants in Spain is Monday. Doh!

Do pubs and restaurants in England have a day off? I think not.

OK, so given that Spanish bar owners and managers seem incapable of organising their rotas to open every day of the week, why do most choose Mondays to close?

I’ll tell you what they say. “We’re tired after the busy weekend!”

Do me a favour!

Preamble

Do English hostelries close for two weeks so that the landlord/lady and his/her family can go on holiday? Of course they don’t – they get a locum in.

And another thing, off season, lots of places round here only open Thursday to Sunday.

Since the Covid-19 pandemic, it seems that bars and restaurants are no longer a service to the public, but simply money-making enterprises for their owners.

Many of my good friends are “publicans”, to use that quaint English term, but they cannot see this issue from my point of view.

“Why shouldn’t we close if it’s not worth opening?” they chorus.

Sorry, I see it differently. If you are an alcoholic, a heavy drinker, a coffee addict or simply a sociable person, who wants to indulge your passion 7 days a week, why shouldn’t you be able to?

Clearly, if you rent your bar/restaurant and have to employ staff, it’s very different to a “landlord” who owns his premises and only family work there, BUT NOWADAYS THEY CLOSE ALSO!

Last night, Monday 25 November

We went out for tapas with English friends, A and T, who have lived in Montejaque (Málaga) for a number of years. Not yet old enough to retire they have “kept the wolf from the door” by renovating properties, renting to tourists and selling at a profit.

Now they have sold their house in Montejaque – they go to the notary tomorrow – and they are leaving to go and live in a house they own near Mojácar (Almería), some five hours away by car.

They are sad to be leaving the Serranía de Ronda, but they now see their future in the far east of Andalucía.

So, as a farewell we decided to go out for tapas in Ronda, bearing in mind that one of us is vegan. Most of the places on my list of favourites which offer vegan dishes were closed. These included Bar El Puente, Bodega Casa Mateos, El Almacén, Miyagi Express, and Siempre Igual.

We started off at another favourite, Café-Bar Sensur. Because of the dearth of other places to go, we stayed there for nearly two hours and ate our fill. Delicious.

Oddly at 10.00 pm the bars that had been open in Plaza del Socorro were already closed or closing. Weird!

Nightcap

We decided to go to Calle La Bola for a nightcap, where a couple of places were still open. We chose Toro Tapas, where we just had a drink and continued our chat.

Interestingly, we discovered that Toro Tapas currently opens every day of the week, lunchtimes and evenings. Good for them!

We had a really nice evening, despite the problem of it being Monday, and promised we would visit A and T in Mojácar next year.

I was in Mojácar for two weeks in 1989 with my first wife and our two young kids (aged 5 and 2 – they are now 41 and 38, each with two boys, my British grandsons). But Rita hasn’t been there.

I remembered enjoying Mojácar, and A and T clearly like it also.

The Verdict

We had a nice time. But I still think all the closures, which are now the norm, it seems, are taking the mickey. But it will never change.

© The Curmudgeon

Links:

Photos:

Facebook

Freepik

The Fork

Trip Advisor

Tags:

alcoholic, Andalucía, Bar El Puente, Bodega Casa Mateos, Café-Bar Sensur, Calle La Bola, coffee addict, Covid-19, Curmudgeon, day off, de tapeo, día de descanso, El Almacén, heavy drinker, landlord, locum, Miyagi Express, Mojácar, Monday, nightcap, pandemic, Plaza del Socorro, Serranía de Ronda, Siempre Igual, sociable person, Toro Tapas, vegan

By The Curmudgeon

British TV in Spain via satellite was switched off for good last April. What is the situation 7 months on?

My original article, here, had so far been viewed a massive 7,235 times when I looked at the analytics a few minutes ago. And there have been 24 comments offering advice and also pointing out that in some areas further north British TV is still available via satellite.

Some of my friends and other contacts provided different alternatives to the one I chose, all of which I included in my article, and none of them have reported problems.

I am grateful to Carolyn E, Nick Flynn, Elaine Gilfillan, Jill LP, Freida Maybury, Christopher Seward, Paul Whitelock, and Julie Wilkinson.

They live in different places in the Serrania de Ronda including Cañada del Real Tesoro, Fuente de la Higuera, Jimera de Libar, Llano de la Cruz, Montejaque and Ronda.

I am also grateful to the many people from across Spain who posted comments which were also helpful.

My choice

I went for the pre-loaded Amazon Firestick. I bought two, one for home in Ronda and one for our rental house in Montejaque.

I am very pleased. It works better in Montejaque where fibre-optic cable has been installed throughout the village.

Our international guests over the year appreciated the channels at their disposal

In Fuente de la Higuera (Ronda) where there is no fibra yet, it buffers occasionally, but I can live with that.

The main thing is I got to watch Match of the Day, International Rugby, and the Olympics in Paris, on the TV in our guest bedroom.

And now that winter weather has arrived it’s nice to sit down in front of the telly and watch Strictly Come Dancing, Question Time, Newsnight or a film on Netflix, all washed down with a glass of wine or two!

© The Curmudgeon

Links and Contacts:

https://www.theportugalnews.com/news/2024-04-08/bbc-switches-off-satellite-signal-whats-next/87701

NordVPN

ExpressVPN

CyberGhost VPN

Elaine Gilfillan, Qualified teacher of EFL, Jimera de Libar   Tel: (+34) 711 01 15 27

Freida Maybury, TEFL qualified English tutor   Tel: (+34) 634 33 01 51

Paul Whitelock, translator and corredor (independent estate agent)  Tel: (+34) 636 52 75 16  www.help-me-ronda.com 

Julie Wilkinson, translator and independent gestora ("fixer")  Tel: (+34) 744 60 65 03 

Images:

Amazon

CharryTV

Hitsmobile

Pesach Sheini

Wikipedia

Tags:

Amazon, Amazon Firestick, British TV in Spain, Cañada del Real Tesoro, CharryTV, Christopher Seward, Curmudgeon, CyberGhostVPN, Elaine Gilfillan, ExpressVPN, fibre-optic cable, fibra, Freida Maybury, Fuente de la Higuera, Hitsmobile, International Rugby, Jimera de Libar, Julie Wilkinson, Llano de la Cruz, Match of the Day, Montejaque, Netflix, Newsnight, Nick Flynn, NordVPN, Olympics in Paris, Paul Whitelock, Question Time, Ronda, Strictly Come Dancing, Wikipedia

By The Curmudgeon

What is going on? When I first came to Spain some 50 plus years ago, you could get a drink and a tapa or a coffee at any time of day.

Nowadays it’s a different matter!

Photo courtesy of Trip Advisor

The problem

I have just driven 17 kilometres from a village of just under 1000 inhabitants to my home just outside a large town in the Serrania de Ronda and ALL THE BARS WERE CLOSED, bar three.

I left Montejaque (Málaga) at 18.50 for the 20-minute drive to my home in Fuente de la Higuera, a pedanía just outside Ronda, and nearly everywhere was shut, except my local where I am writing this, the Hotel Ronda Valley (formerly Hotel Don Benito), Bar La Melli and Bar 101.

I feel like naming and shaming the closed establishments for ceasing to be a service and being only interested in the bottom line. However, I might lose a lot of friends and goodwill by doing so.

Hotel Ronda Valley [Photo A1 Inmobiliaria]

Suffice to say that in Montejaque, in the main square, two were shut; the third, the admirable Bar La Melli, was open. The other two were shuttered up: Bar El R. and Restaurante E.A.

Driving out through the village, Bar El Altillo was shut, although it always is in the evenings. Café Bar 101 was also open.

Next stop, Benaoján.

N’es was shut, Bar El E. also. Newly opened Bar El Escalón was closed (día de descanso, rest day - fair enough).

    Two happy customers at Bar La Melli [Photo: PW]

On the stretch from Benaoján to La Indiana there are three bars: Las B; Bar Restaurante C del G and Venta El P. – all shut.

Next was my local, already mentioned. The nearest to my house, Restaurante La C. has just closed for three months!

What do I think?

As I said in my title, W**t the F**k!

© The Curmudgeon

Acknowledgements:

Photos:

Paul Whitelock

Trip Advisor

Tags:

Bar El Escalón, Bar La Melli, Benaoján, Fuente de la Higuera, Hotel Don Benito, Hotel Ronda Valley, La Indiana, Montejaque, Paul Whitelock, pedanía, Ronda, Serrania de Ronda, tapa, The Curmudgeon, Trip Advisor, WTF, W**t the F**k!

I could scarcely believe what I was reading. The Huesca-born novelist Manuel Vilas hit out at the country of his birth, Spain, in an article in SUR in English last week, completely denigrating the country.

I was outraged.

Manuel Vilas [Photo: El Confidencial]

The evidence

I read the column “The Bottom Line” by Manuel Vilas in last week’s SUR in English (October 18 – 24) with great dismay.

Manuel Vilas, a Spaniard and a novelist, criticises Spain from top to bottom: no glamour; bad coffee; lack of beauty; beaches full of drunken tourists from Northern Europe gorging themselves on cheap beer and sunshine; town planning mistakes; poor dress code; lack of culture; and roundabouts.

And to finish his unpatriotic diatribe Sr. Vilas concluded that the modern-day Spaniard is not a human being, just another slave, a poor, sad animal.

I hope he has hired protection!

Young tourists having a good time [Photo: Murcia Today]

No glamour? No beauty?

As an immigrant from Britain who discovered Spain aged 20 and who now, over 50 years later, has lived here for 16 years, I do not recognise the Spain Sr. Vilas vilifies.

The Spain that I have got to know and love over a period of half a century, is not the country he describes.

Spain has no glamour, no beauty? “Ich lach mich tot”, as my German wife would say.                                                                                                                                                                            

                                                                                 San Sebastian (Guipuzcoa) [Photomontage: Karl Smallman]

In Andalucía alone, each of the provincial capitals (Almería, Cádiz, Córdoba, Granada, Huelva, Jaén, Málaga and Sevilla) is a treasure, each in a different way.

La Mezquita, Cordoba [Photo: Lonely Planet]

Ronda, where I live, is out of this world. Other towns are equally stunning, eg Baeza, Frigiliana, Jerez, Mijas, Nerja, Tarifa, and Úbeda, to name just a handful.

Elsewhere in Spain, what about Barcelona, Cáceres, Cuenca, Gijón, Girona, Guadalupe, Jaca, Madrid, Mérida, Olot, Oviedo, Pamplona, Salamanca, San Sebastián, Santander, Santillana del Mar, and Valladolid?

                                                                                                                      Puente Nuevo, Ronda [Photo: anonymous]

Let’s not forget the islands. Fuerteventura, Gran Canaria, La Gomera, Lanzarote, and Tenerife (North) in the Canaries. And Formentera, Mallorca (North), Menorca, and Ibiza in the Balearics.

The coffee

As for the coffee, I have travelled widely in Europe and nowhere is the coffee better than here in Spain. And it’s affordable too.

The beaches

Beaches full (full?) of drunken tourists?

Go to different beaches, Sr. Vilas.

Where we go (Costa de la Luz, Western Costa del Sol) there are hardly any tourists, other than indigenous ones, and everybody behaves well.

                                                                                                                     Bolonia, Costa de la Luz [Photo: Trip Advisor]

Lack of culture?

Maybe in Huesca, your hometown, Sr, Vilas, but not where I spend my time. Ronda, where I live, has regular theatre, live music and dance.

Málaga City has at least 15 museums and art galleries.

Have you never witnessed the Semana Santa processions? Nor been present at a village fiesta?

Picasso Museum [Photo: Museos de Málaga]

Is Vilas' opinion of Spain all wrong?

No.  To be fair, I agree with Sr. Vilas about town planning mistakes, about the proliferation of roundabouts and about the dress code.

Local councils have allowed some absolute monstrosities and "blots on the landscape" to be built, probably in exchange for some lucrative “backhanders”, but I’d say that’s largely a thing of the past, what with so many former mayors now spending time in gaol at “His Majesty’s Pleasure”, for their crimes and misdemeanours.

The average Spanish driver doesn’t have a clue how to negotiate a roundabout. Bring back traffic lights, I say!

Overweight Spanish men in Adidas or Nike tracksuits out and about on Sundays with their families represent a regrettable trend.

Endpiece

So, in conclusion, Manuel Vilas has written “a pack of lies” about my adopted country. I only hope his novels are better than his newspaper articles.

© The Curmudgeon

Note: a shorter version of this article, written by my alter ego Paul Whitelock, appeared on the SUR in English website earlier today. Click:

Paul Whitelock: Spain, is it really a country lacking glamour and with beaches full of drunken tourists gorging themselves on cheap beer and sunshine? | Sur in English

Acknowledgements:

El Confidencial

Karl Smallman

Murcia Today

Museos de Málaga

SUR in English

Trip Advisor

Tags:

Almería, Andalucía, Baeza, Balearics, Barcelona, Cáceres, Cádiz, Canaries, Córdoba, Cuenca, Formentera, Frigiliana, Fuerteventura, Gijón, Girona, Granada, Gran Canaria, Guadalupe, Huelva, Huesca, Ibiza, Jaca, Jaén, Jerez, Karl Smallman, La Gomera, Lanzarote, Madrid, Málaga, Mallorca, Manuel Vilas, Menorca, Mérida, Mijas, Nerja, Olot, Oviedo, Pamplona, Paul Whitelock, Ronda, Salamanca, San Sebastián, Santander, Santillana del Mar, Sevilla, SUR in English, Tarifa, Tenerife, The Curmudgeon, Úbeda, Valladolid

I’m not going to write about the English papers, eg Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star, Financial Times, The Guardian, The Telegraph, The Times, The Sun, that are sold increasingly here in Spain. And at rather hefty prices, I have to say.

No, I’m going to write about the main “freesheets” published down here in Andalucía, namely The EuroWeekly News, SUR in English and The Olive Press.

***

The EuroWeekly News [Published by EWN Media in Fuengirola (Málaga)]

The EWN is not a paper I get to read very often these days, as they no longer bother to deposit copies inland.

When I worked as a “paper boy” for the company for a short while some years ago, they were dropped all over the Serranía de Ronda by me.

I have to report that it’s no great loss, since I don’t like the paper very much. It’s too boring. Most news stories appear to be “pinched” from elsewhere.

Two columnists stand out, however. Nicole King, English, is a radio broadcaster and journalist, who writes a very entertaining column every week.

Leapy Lee, on the other hand, would be arrested and gaoled if he wrote in the UK the bile-infested “shite” that the paper’s owners publish in the EWN in Spain. That’s maybe why Lee chooses to live in Mallorca, Spain. By the way, he’s already done time in England for GBH.

Leapy Lee was a “one-hit-wonder” with “Little Arrows” in 1968. He is 85.

Out of interest, I applied for a job at the EWN some 10 years or so ago, but they couldn’t meet my wage demands. So, that was the end of a “beautiful relationship” before it even started.

The Euesdens, Michel and Stephen, have no background in journalism – they simply use the EWN, I am led to believe, to generate advertising revenue in order to finance their extravagant lifestyle.

***

SUR in English [published by Diario Sur in Málaga City]

SURinEnglish has just celebrated 50 years. The English-language spin-off from SUR it was the brainchild of Liz Parry OBE, who was editor for over four decades. The editorship is now in the capable hands of Rachel Haynes.

The paper has published the odd article of mine over the years, but recently they’ve not used anything I’ve sent them, even though I do not ask for payment.

“Was it something I said?” I wonder.

On the last two occasions I’ve sent them copy, both within the last few months, they have declined to use it.

Both were “scoops”. The first concerned an environmental outrage being perpetrated in Ronda.

The second was about a wildfire in Ronda, which, if it had got out of control, could have destroyed two hotels, a vineyard, several fincas and a number of rental properties.

So, is it true that SUR in English is coast-centric and not too interested in the interior?

Or, were they “miffed” that their own reporters didn’t know about either breaking story?

Maybe they don’t like my writing, although isn’t that what editors are for? To edit?

They didn’t even give me feedback, even though I requested it.

The upshot is that I probably won’t submit anything further to them in the future.*

I’ll just concentrate on the publications that have printed my stuff in the past, eg The Guardian; The Telegraph; The Sunday Times; North Wales Living and Olive Country Life magazines; and the Spanish revista El Hacho.

Or on  various websites that are happy to accept my musings, eg www.eyeonspain.com, www.help-me-ronda.com, and www.secretserrania.com.

Or indeed, Facebook groups, such as CAMCAC - Campaña para Cervezas de Alta Calidad,  Costa Press Club, Expats in La Serranía de Ronda, and Expats Life in Spain.

***

*STOP PRESS:

I relented. There was a recent article printed in SUR in English by a Spanish-born novelist which shocked and infuriated me so much that I sent in a rebuttal. The novelist in question, Manuel Vilas, born in Huesca (Aragon), slammed the country of his birth and its citizens.

My article rejected most of Vilas' criticisms, based on my 50-odd-year-love-affair with Spain which culminated in me moving here 16 years ago. I am settled, re-married and enjoying a busy retirement in Andalucia.

Manuel Vilas [Photo courtesy of El Confidencial]

I was pleased to discover that my article was posted prominently on the paper's website within hours of me submitting it. You can read it here:

Opinion in Surinenglish.com | Sur in English

***

Click here to read Liz Parry's nostalgic look back over the last 50 years of SUR in English:

Liz Parry: Some things never change | Sur in English

***

The Olive Press [published by Luke Stewart Publishing in San Pedro de Alcántara (Málaga)]

When I first emigrated to Spain in 2008, aged 58, I managed to get myself an interview for a job with The Olive Press (Western Edition). At that time, the OP was the new-kid-on-the-block.

Proprietor and editor Jon Clarke made a good impression on me and I on him, it would seem. I got the job!

Despite being employed to sell advertisements – how free papers survive – I also wrote copiously for the paper. I cut my teeth on the Autumn 2008 supplement about the Barrio San Francisco in Ronda, where, at that time, I had owned property for seven years and knew lots of local people.

After I left the OP to concentrate on other matters - a new wife; and a large house with a big garden near Ronda – I still wrote a blog for the OP website entitled A View from the Mountains, plus the occasional article for the printed edition.

In the autumn of 2023, I contributed to the supplement about The Serranía de Ronda and was asked to lead on the feature about Ronda wines.

In summer 2024 I reported on the filming, in Ronda, of a Netflix series based on an Agatha Christie mystery and starring Iain Glen, Helena Bonham-Carter, Martin Freeman and Mia McKenna-Bruce.

Exclusive: Martin Freeman is spotted filming for Agatha Christie Netflix series in Spain's Ronda - Olive Press News Spain (theolivepress.es)

Major Netflix series filming in Ronda

***

Conclusion

Although many an expat has declared they only collect a free paper to line their rabbit hutch / dog kennel / cat basket, I think these publications provide a useful service. Other punters, including visitors, find their supplements on a topic or locality; their diaries of coming events; and even their adverts very informative and helpful.

Long live the “free” free Press!

© The Curmudgeon

***

Links:

https://euroweeklynews.com

www.eyeonspain.com

www.help-me-ronda.com

www.secretserrania.com

www.surinenglish.com

www.theolivepress.es

Acknowledgements (Photos):

Alamy

Facebook

IndiaMART

Issuu

The Olive Press

Tags:

Alamy, A View from the Mountains, Barrio San Francisco, CAMCAC, Campaña para Cervezas de Alta Calidad, Costa Press Club, Curmudgeon,  English-language newspapers in Spain, environmental outrage, Euesden, EuroWeekly News, EWN, Expats in La Serranía de Ronda, Expats Life in Spain, Facebook, IndiaMART, Issuu, Jon Clarke, Liz Parry, Luke Stewart, Olive Press, Rachel Haynes, Ronda, San Pedro de Alcántara, Serranía de Ronda, SUR in English, wildfire

By Paul Whitelock with Jennie Rhodes

Finally they nailed the b**tard! The worst human being I’ve ever come across. Mysoginistic, a bully, racist, corrupt, an adulterer, a liar and generally unpleasant man. I think even his unfortunate wife, Ivana, now knows this.

Trump guilty

Finally, Trump is a convicted “felon” – I love that word, so much more vivid than the rather tame “criminal”, as we mealy-mouthed English say. By rights, Trump should get gaol time, but he won’t, of course.

Difficult as it is to believe, the fact that “The Don” has been convicted of a crime, 34 actually, does not bar him from running for president of the United States. And, because of his stupid supporters, he is quite likely to get elected to the presidency in November. I despair.

It makes you ask yourself, if this is democracy, maybe we need a benign dictatorship.

Democracy in the UK

Look what happened in the UK! We got Bojo the Clown as Prime Minister. Didn’t we intelligent and insightful people know it would end in tears?

So, democracy in Britain is also discredited. How can you justify a first-past-the-post system, whereby, more often than not, an MP is elected with more votes against him/her than for?

Why do so many people not bother to vote? Because they are not impressed by the unfair system nor by the second-rate politicians we have these days, with no principles, no ideas, few skills and no experience of anything.

Disenfranchised

Having said all this, I would vote if I could. As a foreigner who is resident in another country, however, I am not allowed to vote, except in local elections.

I shall have to change nationality, get a Spanish passport, then I shall be able to vote in general, regional, local AND European Elections. 

And apparently, I shall be able to visit one more country than I can with my current UK passport. Which one? No idea! .....

Some have done it

When I switch nationality and become un español, I shan’t be the first by a long chalk.

Adrian Stone Mills and Hannah Morrish Wilson have lived in Malaga province since 2002, where they own and run a small hotel. They say:

"In the years running up to Brexit we had reached our eligible years for taking out [Spanish] nationality and it was something we had discussed but never pursued. Brexit gave us the push we needed and in 2016, after the results were declared, we started the process for ourselves and our two children.

"Now as European citizens we will be able to vote in the upcoming European elections. We have our ballot papers at the ready the research is done and we ready to go."

Lawrence Renaudon Smith has lived in Mallorca since 1993. After Brexit he decided it was time to apply for Spanish citizenship.

"Of course I will be voting in the European elections this time. The main thing for me about having Spanish nationality is that now I am once again living in Spain as my right, like I did as an EU citizen," he explains.

David Eldridge has lived in Mallorca since 2008. He says he started the process of applying for Spanish nationality in 2019.

"Basically I didn't want my European citizenship taken away and had a way to avoid that. Voting is the main practical advantage, but others are slightly easier bureaucracy and much easier travel."

But he says the biggest advantage "is a psychological one. Once again, my passport reflects my European identity. Having lived in different countries including outside Europe, my number one identity is European."

***

The journalist Jennie Rhodes has lived in Spain for many, many years, and recently wrote extensively on the subject in SUR in English.

Apart from offering examples of British folk who had changed nationality (see above), she confessed she had not done it yet herself:

".... I could have got myself organised to apply for Spanish citizenship (I have lived in Spain for far more than the obligatory 10-year minimum to do so). But like many other things on my 'to-do list', I haven't got around to it."

As for me, I’m a bit like Jennie, in that I've been contemplating doing it since Brexit. I did all the research, did a sample exam online (I got 98% correct!), and then ..... I never pursued it. But now, I’m sick and tired of having to join the “Outside the EU” queue at passport control, while my EU contemporaries just swan through the blue channel.

Also, important for me is the vote. As I’ve indicated, I can now only cast my ballot in local elections. I want to vote in all elections and have my say in the country I chose to live in over 15 years ago.

© The Curmudgeon with Jennie Rhodes

Further reading:

Why can’t we have the vote? - Secret Serrania de Ronda

Acknowledgements:

BBC

Diario Sur

El Correo

Facebook

Jennie Rhodes

Paul Whitelock

SUR in English

YouTube

Tags:

Bojo the Clown. Boris Johnson, Brexit, Diario Sur, Donald Trump, Election, Europe, European election, EU, European Union, general election, Jennie Rhodes, Paul Whitelock, president of the USA, prime minister, SUR in English, UK, USA, vote

When I first moved to Spain over 15 years ago, you could watch UK TV to your heart’s content. And it was free. All you needed was a satellite dish pointed at the Astra B satellite and a receiver next to your TV set. There was no licence fee payable.

No licence fee

And that was the problem! The BBC didn’t like the fact that up to one million British people living in Spain were effectively licence fee dodgers. That is still a criminal offence in the UK, by the way.

So, in around 2004 they stopped making their service available via Astra B, leaving British immigrants who wished to watch UK channels without a service.

Since this is a huge market, companies sought ways around it. Streaming to a computer, laptop or tablet or even a mobile phone was a possibility, a pay service.

Other possibilities emerged. One company, Icecrypt, found that there was a small transmitter over Rota (Cádiz) where the US military have an important base, and sold a package including router for access to a restricted number of channels.

I signed up for that and for years tolerated the somewhat inadequate system up to last week, when that too was switched off (4 April 2024). The company which sold me and countless others this system, Lemm Electronica of Ronda, are not interested in helping us out. (In the UK, the retailer is liable, of course.)

It’s not really worth the hassle of pursuing Lemm, so they’ll get away with it. It would have been nice if they had at least let us know that this problem was about to occur. So, it looks like we’re on our own.

Since 4 April, the “airwaves” have been buzzing with suggestions from British punters who have found a solution. At least here in Andalucía.

My interlocutors have come up with useful suggestions, although they all cost money. Fair enough; we had to pay a licence fee in the UK back in the day. Thanks to Susan (Benaoján), Carolyn (Montejaque), Nick Flynn (Ronda), Elaine (Jimera de Líbar), Jill  (Montejaque), Freida Maybury (Ronda), Paul Whitelock (Ronda) and Julie Wilkinson (Cortes de la Frontera) for their useful contributions.

Jill from Montejaque sent this link, which is well worth a read: https://www.theportugalnews.com/news/2024-04-08/bbc-switches-off-satellite-signal-whats-next/87701

Julie Wilkinson from Cortes de la Frontera wrote: “If you have decent internet coverage, you can contract IPTV. I have a Nokia streaming box that connects to my WiFi at home and I installed the SmartSTB app (my provider charges 20€/mth and I get 100s of channels, including Sky channels for films etc.”

Elaine Gilfillan from Jimera de Libar uses a company called TeeVeeing for UK channels. “ I also get some French, German, etc. (I pay) 9.99€/month, no VPN required just an internet connection.”

Freida Maybury from Ronda: “I pay 25 a year for my VPN and 120 a year for all my TV, movies, music, etc … all languages.”

Nick Flynn from Llano de la Cruz has unearthed an English guy in San Luis de Sabinillas (near Estepona) who can provide a pre-loaded Amazon Firestick for 110€ with no monthly charge. After a year it’s 55€ to renew for another year.

STOP PRESS: Nick and I tried one out yesterday and it's very impressive. Thousands of channels from all over the world including lots of pay channels free. I'm off to the coast on Monday to collect a few; for me and other interested folk around here.

Carolyn from Montejaque has found a different solution: “I highly recommend my VPN supplier, Smart DNS Proxy. It’s American, and I pay $80 a year.”

Paul Whitelock from Fuente de la Higuera comments: “(Satellite) is no longer an option. We have to look at streaming, via fibre-optic using the mobile phone system, or Firestick. The old glory days of free TV are over, I’m afraid.”

How Does It Affect Me?

Personally speaking it’s no big deal for me, as I don’t watch much TV, but I do like to drop in on Match of the Day, International Rugby, the Olympics, etc, without having to traipse off to Bar Alegría in Ronda, a sports bar which shows these broadcasts, where I inevitably partake of too much of the falling-over liquid (beer).

Sometimes it’s nice in the winter to sit down in front of the telly and watch Strictly Come Dancing or Question Time or Newsnight.

On a daily basis I’m happy to watch the Spanish news on TVE1 (La 1) or the German Tagesschau on ARD or ZDF (my missus is German, and we have had no problems receiving dozens of German channels via the afore-mentioned Astra B satellite), but that’s not really the point.

Support in high places?

In my opinion, the many thousands (a million?) of British residents in Spain are entitled to have a decent free-to-air TV service from the UK. What is the British Embassy in Madrid doing about it? Or the British Consulate in Malaga? Not much, I suspect. What do they do all day? They no longer even issue British Passports.

What about the English-language press published here in Spain? I don’t see the EuroWeekly News lobbying on our behalf, nor SUR in English, nor The Olive Press (I thought this was supposed to be a campaigning newspaper!). The paid-for papers, like Costa del Sol News, neither. Online news services? Forget it!

So, we appear to be on our own. The best options going forward appear to be either a streaming service, a service via the mobile telephone network (fibre-optic), Firestick or VPN. What’s that? I hear some of you say.

Streaming

As far as I can work out from my enquiries, streamed TV means not live, and the number of UK terrestrial channels are limited. This is not what I want.

I am happy to watch UK terrestrial channels live, so I want a minimum of all the BBC output, ITV 1 to 4, Channel 4 and Five. Is that too much to ask?

Fibre-optic

If you have fibre-optic in your area, you can buy a package that gives you TV. However, the company I enquired with, Hitsmobile, who are part of the same group as Masmovil, only gives you channels from the USA and limited UK channels. Not for me.

Firestick

Please see my STOP PRESS above.

VPN

I’ll leave it to an expert to explain. Christopher Seward has been using the internet since 1994 and launched one of the very first VPN comparison websites in 2013. An expert in the field his reviews, testing and knowledge have helped thousands of users get the correct VPN for their needs.

Although his latest version of the article is three years old, it’s the best I could find.

What you need to watch British TV in Spain

Written by Christopher Seward

Updated on January 2, 2021 First Published December 15, 2015

“We’ve been getting a lot of requests asking us how you can watch British TV in Spain so we’ve put together this guide to help you achieve that.

“We’re going to show you how to watch British TV in Spain.

“This is especially important now the UK has left the EU as EU portability rules no longer apply.

“You’re going to need a VPN service. No technical skill is required!

“This method will let you watch BBC iPlayer, Sky Go, ITV Player and all the most popular UK TV services, plus a few lesser-known ones too."

“What you need to watch British TV in Spain

“From now on the easiest way to watch British TV in Spain is to do so on a computer or laptop. You can also use a tablet and if you’re desperate then a smartphone will work too.

“All of the UK online TV services are blocked outside the UK so if you try to access them in Spain, you’ll be told it’s not possible.

“To bypass this block, you need to use a totally legal service called a VPN.

“VPN stands for Virtual Private Network and is a way of encrypting your internet and routing your connection via another location.

“The upside is you assume the identity of that location and with a VPN the websites you visit will think you’re in the UK. So, TV streaming sites will let you view them because they think you are in the UK.

“Don’t Panic!

“First thing is, don’t panic, they sound more technical than they are, but thousands of people from teens to pensioners make use of them daily and with just 1 or 2 clicks you’re set-up and ready to go."

“Where do I get a VPN for British TV in Spain

“VPN services have exploded in recent years, and they’re now offered by thousands of different companies. Finding a good provider can be difficult in the sea of services.

“There are two critical features you need to be aware of before getting a VPN. Firstly, they have to have a “UK server”.

“Secondly because you’re streaming video all the way from the UK to Spain you need a VPN service that is fast; otherwise, you’ll end up with buffering.

“We’ve been reviewing VPN services for the past 7 years and put together our three top VPN providers to watch British TV in Spain.

“We recommend using NordVPN because they’re one of the easier services to use and they’re also one of the cheapest. Feel free to take a look around though and do your own research.

“Just click a provider’s name below or the green button to visit their website.

1. NordVPN
2. ExpressVPN
3. CyberGhost VPN

“How do I use the VPN for British TV in Spain?

“Once you’ve signed up to a VPN provider, you’ll be given your login and password details.

“Next you should decide what device you want to watch on. You can alternate between devices so you can use it on your laptop and a tablet, you aren’t just limited to one.

“Once you’ve decided what device you want to use it on then download either their software for your PC or Mac desktop or laptop from their website or their app for Android or iOS from your app store.

“If you want to use the service on a tablet or phone then you must have the TV service apps installed while in the UK, for example the BBC iPlayer app, the ITV Player app etc.

“For a desktop or laptop the process is much simpler.

“Firstly, launch the VPN software or app and connect to their UK “Server”. Once connected all you have to do is visit the TV provider website on your desktop or laptop. If you’re on a tablet or phone just launch the TV service app.

“That’s all there is to it. You can now watch British TV in Spain and other countries."

Conclusion

The cut-off only happened nine days ago, so it’s early days. Clearly there are some “workarounds” already, but given the size of the potential market (around a million) I am sure some entrepreneurial types will come up with something good in the next few months.

But I’m afraid the era of “free telly” has now gone for good.

As for me, I need to get my skates on and get a new system. With the UEFA Champions League coming to a conclusion soon, the major football leagues in Europe too, and of course the FA Cup, the Olympics later in the year and General Elections all over the place, not least in the UK, where the only question really is: “HOW BIG WILL LABOUR’S MAJORITY BE?

PS

If any reader knows more about this, please leave a comment.

© The Curmudgeon

The Good Guys:

Carolyn 

Nick Flynn

Elaine Gilfillan

Jill

Freida Maybury

Christopher Seward

Paul Whitelock

Julie Wilkinson

The Curmudgeon

The Bad Guys:

BBC

British Consulate, Malaga

British Embassy, Madrid

Costa del Sol News

EuroWeekly News

Lemm Electronica, Ronda

SUR in English

The Olive Press

Acknowledgements:

Amazon

Charry TV

Hitsmobile

La Sexta

Wikipedia

Xataka

Useful Links:

Elaine Gilfillan, Qualified teacher of EFL, Jimera de Libar   Tel: (+34) 711 01 15 27

Freida Maybury, TEFL qualified English tutor   Tel: (+34) 634 33 01 51

Paul Whitelock, translator and corredor (independent estate agent)  Tel: (+34) 636 52 75 16  www.help-me-ronda.com 

Julie Wilkinson, translator and independent gestora ("fixer")  Tel: (+34) 744 60 65 03 

Tags:

Amazon, Android, Astra B satellite, iOS, BBC, BBC iPlayer, British Consulate Malaga, British Embassy Madrid, British immigrants, British TV in Spain, Christopher Seward, Costa del Sol News, Crazy Guy, Curmudgeon, CyberGhost VPN, desktop, Elaine Gilfillan, EuroWeekly News, ExpressVPN, Firestick, FA Cup, Freida Maybury, General Election, Icecrypt, ITV Player, Julie Wilkinson, laptop, Mac, Nick Flynn, NordVPN, Lemm Electronica Ronda, licence fee dodger, Olympics, Paul Whitelock, PC, receiver, Rota, satellite dish, Smart DNS Proxy, SUR in English, The Olive Press, UEFA Champions League, UK channels, Virtual Private Network, VPN comparison website, VPN software, Virtual Private Network, workaround

My wife left me today ….. for the day! 

She went to the coast to San Pedro de Alcántara with her German friends, for the weekly market, to spend time on the beach there and to eat at a chiringuito, Kala-Kalua, right on the same beach. 

^{Photo: Trip Advisor}

They then went to Málaga city to take home another German friend, who had come on the bus to meet them in San Pedro. 

So, I was kind of “de Rodríguez” (footloose and fancy-free) for the day. 

My day “de Rodríguez” 

I took advantage of being on my own to crack on with important matters. 

Lawyer 

First, I went to the town lawyer to make an appointment for next week. 

^{Photo: Forbes}

An English guy, let’s call him “Scouse Git” for legal reasons, owes me nearly 6,000€ for renovations I did to his house in Ronda, so I am taking legal steps to get a judgement in my favour and an embargo on his bank account for the money. 

It’s an open-and-shut case: I have proof of our contract, so he will have to fulfil it and pay me. 

Bank 

Then I went to my bank, CaixaBank, to see Jesús, and to pay, under protest, an electricity bill for said “Scouse Git”, because I was daft enough to put the connection order for his house in my name to speed things up, so we could start on the work. 

Photo: CaixaBank

I didn’t know he was going to turn nasty and refuse to pay me what he owes me. 

Translation 

I did a translation for Ronda Council Culture Department last December. They still haven’t paid me 3 months later!

^{Photo: The Olive Press}

Excuse after excuse. 

Today I enlisted the help of a friend and neighbour who is a councillor in Ronda. 

Let’s hope something happens after long last. 

*STOP PRESS!*  They just paid me a few days ago!

Rogue estate agent 

I collaborated with a well-known local estate agent. The deal was, as a corredor, I would give her introductions to houses for sale, and if she sold them, I would earn a commission. 

^{Photo: Alamy}

I “gave” her around a dozen houses. She has sold several of them but has only paid me commission on one. It’s outrageous, but I will get KP from ACH eventually. 

Although she has lived and worked in Andalucía for decades, she is not as smart as I am. I know the law; she apparently doesn’t. 

“Real” retirement 

As a result of all this hassle, I have decided to really retire, nearly 20 years after I actually stopped work and became a pensioner. 

No more house conversions, no more translations, no more collaborating with estate agents. 

China 

A quick stop at a Chinese supermarket to buy a couple of things I needed, and I was back home for midday. 

House and garden work

It was so hot, that unhindered by anybody else, I got my kit off and set about various tasks around the garden. We practice nudism in our private garden (FKK as it’s known in Germany, the land of my missus.) 

^{Photo: Amazon}

I completed my repair of our car port, the roof of which was destroyed by recent storms in the area. 

I installed a celosía and planted a bush; I completed a new seating area at the rear of our large garden; I painted two shed doors; erected a new screen between us and next door; and weeded my huerto (vegetable garden). 

Photo: iStock

In between I had a skinny dip in the pool – bloody cold – and lit the barbecue. Had a great lunch.

Photo: Paul Whitelock

Time was getting on, so I tidied up and went to my local for a few beers and to start this article. 

When I got home, the Meter Maid (Lovely Rita, geddit?) was back from the coast, so my día de Rodríguez was over.

Note: FKK stands for Freikörperliche Kultur, ie nudism.

©  The Curmudgeon

Links:

... de Rodríguez? - Secret Serrania de Ronda

PROFESSIONAL SERVICES - Help me, Ronda (help-me-ronda.com)

Tags:

ACH, barbecue, CaixaBank, Curmudgeon, de Rodriguez, estate agent, FKK, Freikörperliche Kultur, house conversions, lawyer, Liverpool, Lovely Rita, Malaga, Meter Maid, nudism, Olive Press, Ronda, Ronda Council, Scouse Git, Secret Serrania, skinny dip

We are living in troubled times. The Curmudgeon takes a look.

The weather and wars

Not only is the world experiencing extreme weather events, eg snow, ice, freezing temperatures, violent storms and floods in North America and northern Europe, yet, in stark contrast, drought in southern Europe…..

….. there are wars in Ukraine and Gaza Strip. Conflict in the Red Sea/Yemen region. Iran flexing its muscles and taunting the West. Unrest in Ecuador. Conflicts in Africa that are no longer reported in the West. The rise of extreme right-wing parties like the AfD in Germany, VOX in Spain and the PVV in The Netherlands. Donald Trump likely to be the next president of the United States.

And behind all this, there are increasing tensions in the Far East. China, Taiwan, North Korea spring to mind.

Diseases

Has the Coronavirus really been contained? Is the resurgence of measles a worry? Should we be concerned about ‘flu?

Who or what is to blame?

Are all these down to human beings, politics, religious beliefs, global warming or a mixture of them all?

Human beings are culpable in all this chaos. That prompts the question: WHO ARE THE BAD GUYS?

Here is The Curmudgeon’s list in alphabetical order.

He says: “I’ll leave you to put them in order from worst to least bad. I do not dare!”

The Bad Guys

Prince ANDREW, Duke of York – disgraced royal

Recep Tayyip ERDOĞAN – tricky Turkish president

Boris JOHNSON – disgraced former UK prime minister

JUAN CARLOS I – disgraced ex-king of Spain

KIM JONG UN – autocratic leader of North Korea

Javier MILEI – newly elected president of Argentina. A right-wing populist

Benjamin NETANYAHU – the prime minister of Israel; possibly a war criminal

Victor ORBAN - Hungary's longest serving prime minister, Orbán has curtailed press freedom, weakened judicial independence, and undermined multiparty democracy

Vladimir PUTIN – murderous and corrupt Russian president; undoubtedly a war criminal

Ayatolá JOMEINÍ – leader of Iran; up to all kinds of skulduggery in the Middle East

Nicola STURGEON – disgraced Scottish ex-first minister

Donald TRUMP – disastrous former president facing 91 criminal charges; should be in gaol

XI Jinping -  Chinese leader. Can he be trusted? Why is he backing Putin?

So, there you have it? These guys are all still alive. What about these dozen dead ones?

Winston CHURCHILL - former UK prime minister. War criminal and alcoholic

Jeffrey EPSTEIN - Prince Andrew's pal; a sex traffiker

General FRANCO - Spanish dictator and mass murderer.

Myra HINDLEY - Peter Sutcliffe's assistant

Adolf HITLER - need I say more?

Pol POT - Cambodian mass murderer.

Jack the RIPPER - a royal, by all accounts.

The Yorkshire RIPPER - The Moors Murderer, Peter Sutcliffe. Incompetent police allowed him to carry on longer than he should have.

Jimmy SAVILLE - deceased DJ, sex pest, paedophile, tolerated for far too long by the BBC.

Josef STALIN - worse than Hitler? Discuss.

Margaret THATCHER - the grocer's daughter that ruined Britain.

Fred and Rosemary WEST - serial killers. Fred killed himself but Rose remains in prison.

© The Curmudgeon

All photographs of "bad guys" courtesy of Wikipedia

Others courtesy of Freepik, NHS and Prime Video

Tags: 

AfD, Africa, Argentina, Ayatollah Jomeini, bad guys, BBC, Boris Johnson, Cambodia, China, Chinese leader, Churchill, Coronavirus, Curmudgeon, deceased DJ, Donald Trump, Ecuador, Erdogan, ex-king of Spain, extreme right-wing parties, Far East, 'flu, Franco, Fred West, Gaza Strip, Germany, grocer's daughter, Hitler, Iran, Israel, Jack the Ripper, Jeffrey Epstein, Jimmy Saville,  Juan Carlos I, Kim Jong Un, Margaret Thatcher, mass murderer, measles, Middle East, Milei, Moors Murderer, Myra Hindley, Netanyahu, Netherlands, Nicola Sturgeon, North Korea, paedophile, Peter Sutcliffe, Pol Pot, president of the United States, prime minister, Prince Andrew, Putin, PVV, Red Sea, Rosemary West, Russian president, Scottish ex-first minister, sex pest, sex trafficker, Spain, Spanish dictator, Stalin, Taiwan, Turkish president, Ukraine, UK prime minister, US president, Victor Orban, VOX, war criminal, Xi Jinping, Yemen, Yorkshire Ripper