Sometimes, when I log into Facebook to see what the grandchildren are up to, I come across a real diamond in the dirt, and that happened to me yesterday. As you may know, I'm passionate about Shakespeare, so I always follow up on any Bard-related links, especially if they appear to be a bit off the wall.
This one certainly fits the bill. It does what it says on the tin - it's a Shakespeare Insult Kit, and it works like this: start off with the Olde English word 'Thou,' then take one word from each of the three columns of words from Shakespeare. You now have your own authentic, original Shakespearean insult. It works very well if you make use of alliteration and choose words that begin with the same letter, but it's just as good with random words.
I amused myself for a whole afternoon, and I thought how satisfying it would be to rely on those insults next time I hit my head against the brick wall of Spanish bureaucracy. For example, next time the bank clerk tells me I can't pay a bill in cash as it's one minute past 11.00 a.m., despite the fact that I entered the bank at 10.45, I could say,
'Thou churlish, clay-brained clotpole, I entered this establishment betimes, now kindly accept the cash.'
And when Iberdrola insists I haven't paid the electric bill, even though Banco Santander insists I have, it would give me great pleasure to utter something along the lines of, 'Thou mammering, milk-livered miscreant, check thy client account - the cash is there.'
I can only see two problems with this - they probably wouldn't understand a word of it, and they may be tempted to call the Guardia Civil to cart away the mad English lady who spouts words they can't understand in a manner likely to cause a breach of the peace. Still, it's a tempting proposition.
