Though we could put some of the hilarious things that kids do out here in Spain. My kids and I are usually in stitches around the dinner table with some of the hilarious things they come out with.

Both speak spanish fluently and english at home, so the translation sometimes get lost under the stress of shouting at the other sibling.

So to start - hers one for you.

My daughter (16) announced her favourite programme Clockdown was on the other day (Countdown) 

And the second. Vicky called her relatives in the UK and got speaking to Grandpa Cliff. He is 81 years old and has a health problem so after asking him if he was ok she turned to us and announced,

Grandpa Cliff has been diagnosed with cancer of the clitoris! I dont know how I managed to stop laughing to explain the mistake!

We have a running gag at home that "Daddy is fat and he's going to burst".  Susan wasn't expecting it when Angelica shouted in the airport queue the other about the man in front of them:

"HE'S SO FAT HE'S GOING TO BURST"

I think Susan just wanted to curl up and die at that point.

Oh jeez! How awful for you.

Son booted sister up the backside the other day and she complained he put his footfinger up her bottom!

I must stress this is totally hilarious considering daughter is 16 years old and 5ft 8, son is 14 and 6ft 2 (at the moment!)

Im a little more petite than they are but if called shorty................I will kill!!!

My little baby boy of 14 years is a typical greedy sod - just before Xmas we went into the Port as a treat where there is a handmade chocolate shop. Daughter and I got a box of mixed chocs, son got 2 large blocks approx 2 incesh square and half inch think solid choc.

We all ate up, no problem. Just after Xmas daughter and I went to El Corte Ingles and saw chocolate soap for bathing with. We bought some as a treat, got home and opened it to realize the soap was exactly the same as the choc.

Of course she and I were talking quietly about it when son came along, snatched a square and bit into it! The bubbles are still on the carpet!!!

Love it Rixxy!

Can just picture his face............

Like the time at work when I was about 17, many moons ago. the office Manager was always nicking chocolate & sweets off people's desks without asking. Bloke I worked with, got a bar of Bournville chocolate, spooned out the undersides of the squareas and filled them with ex lax. Well, we nearly burst our sides when along he came and nicked about 6 squares. Next day, his wife phoned in sick for him....upset stomach......we nearly died laughing............he hadn's had a day off sick in years!!

Hope he's not a member of this forum???!!!

If so, sorry Mr Wyatt!

Great stories.... thanks!!

I showed my 4yr old daughter a picture of me 39 weeks pregnant and said

"Thats you in my tummy"          she put her hand on her hip and replied

"Well I wont be going back in there because you wouldn't even turn the lights on for me"

made me chuckle!!!

Tina x

Kids r so funny when they come of with things and dont even realise what theyve said.#

My daughter aged 12 wants to be a teacher and loves to read out loud to her younger brother pretending to be a teacher in a very authorative voice.

my oldest son (16) and I couldnt stop laughing after she (with many attempts to pronounce a word) turned round and said to me " mummy, what does dickslexic mean.?"

We still keep her going as she has came off with a few crackers since

Sandra

That made me laugh

My daughter also said tonight

"Mummy can you come and have a look at my crack, my crack needs some cream on it"

I said "excuse me Trinity where did you hear that" and she said "the crack on my knee mummy, i need a plaster"

She has a little scratch on her knee...... my mistake!!!

My poor kids - daughter aged 1.5 at the time was being potty trained and doing well. She came to me in the kitchen and said 'wee wee mummy'

I told her she was a good girl, took her hand , lead her up the stairs, down came the tights, kinickers, up went the dress and onto the seat, where she said no no in a high pitched voice.

So, got dressed again, back dow the stairs where 5 mintues later the same thing 'wee wee, mummy'.

So a bit rougher this time, the same thing up, undressed sat on seat, she squiggled off, got dressed again and stomped off down the stairs.

2 minutes later again the same 'wee wee. Mummy'

It was THEN I realized she wanted a kiwi fruit! And yes they are still now known as we we fruits, even in Mercadonna!

I just love this thread!

Kids are so innocent eh, things they say, like the "crack" one, just have us shuddering in horror as we have been tainted by life, kids? They are so pure.............

My Grandaughter Jessica is having a new baby Brother or Sister in early August.

She knows that Mummy has got a baby in her tummy growing and the other day, asked me, me being a bit on the large side, no comments you men! IF I HAD A BABY IN MY TUMMY TOO!

No, I said, just pure fat Jess, pure fat!

She still looks at me sideways when I see her, she doesn't believe me!

Oh well, press on....................

I keep popping in on this thread now,........ its so funny.

I said to my daughter "your so beautiful, mummy did a great job of making you" followed by a few chuckles

she replied "well actually mummy it really hurt when you put my knees on and you put my shoulders on back to front"

Its the way she frowned at me when she said it, she then even went on to ask me for an apology about the knees.

Another story. We were at toddler group and my son who is almost 3yrs pulled my V-neck jumper coller right down in front of everyone and said "why have you got small boobies?" I was so embarrassed but had to laugh, i just turned to the other mums and said "thats what happens when you were once a milking machine" I might add i was the colour of a beetroot at this stage!!

Well to really lower the tone, my teenage kids at terrified at the things I come out with to them. If they start messing around at the dinner table, I offer them a booby which REALLY puts them in their place

Having said that they are convinced it will be green with age - Penicillin I told them!!!

I think this thread is going to keep us all going for a while.

Yesterday my daughter was in art class. She made a Beautiful chinese latern out of paper. My son (16) said "do you know what you call that" "YES " she said "its orgasmy" Imagine the reaction. I nearly crashed the car trying to get kyle to shut up. It was followed by jodie saying "Mummy i dont get that"

Well I thought i was going to have to stop the car to gain control

sandra

Its frightening to think these are our future!

And boys do seem more switched on - I hardly ever catch son out but Vicky, well!

Oh a spanish one - after a meal when daughter was about 8, we always of course asked for the bill. She was (and still is) a nosey thing and wanted to go and ask but couldnt remember what it was called.

I told her to ask for the Fred (yes I know Im awful) and managed to stifle a laugh. Off she went to the waitor and asked for the fred. He made her repeat it and suddenly the light dawned.

Am I being thick Rixxy?

I keep saying out loud, "can I have the Fred please" and my penny hasn't dropped yet!

Is it cos it's called bill, so ask for frd instead.....durrrr

Enlighten me please (this without any vino, sad eh?!)

No - you had to be there, she asked for the fred (blokes name) instead of the bill (blokes name) and the waiter had no idea either!

Poor child (mine I meant)

I get it now!

Better have another cuppa to fix the brain....................!!!

Back in a flash!