Tumbit's take on Spain : Mr Grumpy

I have always considered myself to be fluent in the language. Unfortunately I (and those that I converse with) are a little unsure of which language it is that I am supposed to be fluent in.

A long, long time ago in a country far, far away called Britain, there was a wise and antiquated state educational system. This education authority believed that Britain was the centre of the world, and as such there could be no possible need for anybody to learn any other language, as most of the people from all of the other countries would need to speak English anyway. However, after a short while they found that they needed to fill a small gap in their curriculum and so, as a concession, decided that teaching pupils over the age of 11 the French language for an hour and a half every week would be more than enough to ensure that Britain educated itself adequately.

It was decided that only pupils over 11 should be taught a new language, because as everybody is aware, those under this age are completely incapeable of learning a new language – equally so, 2 x 45 minute periods were chosen because this would be more than enough to ensure that this language could be spoken to the highest of standards.

The French language was chosen as a matter of default – it was completely inconceivable that anybody would wish to venture further abroad for their holidays, and even the largest of corporations would not trade abroad much further than France. Even if they did (Gasp!), then obviously it would be expected that their clients would be grateful enough for the opportunity to trade with the mighty British Empire to speak English fluently anyway. So, the French language was decided upon half heartedly – and in any case might just come in useful when watching re-runs of “'Allo 'Allo“ on the BBC.

Sarcasm aside, I think you will get my point.

At the age of 36, although I am not incapeable of learning a language, I do not have the luxury of having a sponge-like mind, and the time and resource of being able to be taught a language in a formal and structered environment like at school. How I wish that my Grammar school taught me a useful language to a half-decent standard instead of insisting on teaching me Classics and Latin, which have served me no end of use through the years.

Yes, I fully accept that I have the opportunity to leanrn Spanish – especially now that I am living in Spain, however I suffer from the English disease of being terminally lazy, finding excuses too easy to come by, and embarassingly not undertsanding the grammar of my own native language too well also. How can I do justice to learning a language under these circumstances ?

I have decided that in the new year I will put aside a full week of my time and take an intensive residential course somewhere away from home where I will have no distractions and be put in an environment where I simply have to learn the language. I know that in a formal and structured environment, where I can be taught 40 to 50 hours of the language, I will be able to raise my level of spoken Spanish to a standard where I am not embarrassed by my language skills at some point in the future. My daughter has just gone 2 years old and can count to ten and knows the names of shapes and colours in 3 languages, whereas I struggle in just the one.

I would strongly advise that anybody in a similar situation does the same – it is the only way that we can get ourselves out of the rut we as English people find ourselves in !

It seems that flying economy now means that you waive all rights to be treated with courtesy and to expect a decent standard of cutomer service. Nor should you expect that you should be able to take any luggage or even sit down apparently – according to latest reports of how one particular economy airline is expected to evolve over the next few months.

My particular favourite economy airline (# Sarcasm Alert #) last week announced that with immediate effect they would be ceasing to provide any check in desks at their airports. Instead, they report, passengers should check in on-line and take no more than the stipulated 10 kilos hand luggage. If they require to take any additional luggage (Gasp !) then this would need to be checked into the hold, via the special luggage drop desk, and pay a 30 pounds sterling surcharge for the privelege of doing this. Furthermore – if the passenger forgot to check themselves in online (or failing that, did not have access to the internet),then they would also need to use the same special check in desk to do this – and be penalised a further 40 Pound sterling for doing this.

If, for any reason, the passenger had a querie or question that could not be answered on-line (Such as "Can I book an extra bag into the hold on just the Inbound leg of a return flight?") then you have to call a customer service call center, be placed on hold for 15 minutes and pay 10 pence per minute (40 cents if you are calling from Spain) - only to be be told No! - What a money-spinner !

To get back on point – it seems that by charging fines, penalties, surcharges and numerous other “extras“, that there will be no such thing as a cheap flight any more. Even if this said airline does advertise a flight for “ Free “ , then the additional taxes and charges will snowball and when everything is totalled it will cost roughly the same as a similar ticket from a premium airline. That's putting aside the fact that in many cases the airport of your chosen destiniation is usually a disused potato field in a rural backwater town - miles away from anywhere : Their “ Barcelona “, for example, is listed as an airport, when in fact it is actually situated in a town called Reus and is infact located 109 kms outside of Barcelona itself. The true Barcelona (Ref BAR) is a totally different Airport to their "Barcelona" (Ref BCN)- so you need to factor transfer cost into your ticket fees aswell !

The same airline expects to net over 650 Million Euros in 2009 on these "Hidden Charges" alone, and if their current request with the Irish Aviation Federation is approved, they may increase capacity on their short-haul flights (Such as UK > Spain) by over 50% by introducing new "Bar Stool" type seats instead of the traditional recliners !

So who do you trust and respect ? - An airline who is upfront and honest about the cost that you should pay for a ticket and the quality of service that you can respect in return, or an airline that will only advertise the initial cost for the ticket – leaving you to find out the true cost as the various surcharges come to light. An airline who seems to place cost above value ?

 I already held a currency exchange account with a different broker, but for whatever reason, I had taken the decision to place my business with a broker who had a better understanding of my circumstances. My old account with the previous broker had been open for over 5 years whilst I was resident in the UK, and as such a combination of apathy and complacency led me to carry on using them over the years.

I had completely forgotten the rigmarole involved in opening up a new currency trading account. Sure, I understood the need for such complete security to crack down on ID fraud and money laundering etc... , and yes, I understood that these were conditions laid down by the FSA, and not by each individual broker (and therefore the application process would be the same wherever I chose to take my business).

My problem was this (and I suspect that many other people resident in Spain will have the same Problem too!): In order to open an account certain documents are required in order that the applicant can prove that he is who he claims to be, and that he resides at the stated address. So far so good !

The documents required are:

- A copy of a passport (photo ID page only)

- A bank statement

- A utility bill (NOT a mobile phone or landline)

My House is an old finca that has recently been restored. As such I am still in the process of waiting for my cedula to be granted , which in turn means that I can not get mains water or electric. This means that only have “Builders Supply” and as such no statement is provided.

AAdditionally, my bank account is held in joint names with my partner – and for some reason it is just her name that appears on all of the statements (No big problem until now, so we have never queried this)

All of my correspondence is sent to a Buzon – Does this count as proof of an actual address?

I am self employed, so I have no wage slips and no employer to "Vouch for me".

When I pointed all of these things out to my chosen broker – mentioning that I could forsee that there would be many other people living in Spain in similar circumstances, he was sympathetic, but could not see that there was any movement in the FSA regulations to do anything.

All I have been able to do is send copies of what documentation I have and hope that my chosen broker can plead a case for me with the FSA compliance department.

The documents that I managed to source were:

- Copy of Passport (photo page)

- Copy of latest municipal tax bill

- Copy of Residencia (Inc NIE No.)

- Copy of mobile phone bill(I know they said not applicable, but hey!-you never know)

- Copy of landline bill (Ditto!)

- Copy of a UK private pension statement posted to my Spain address.

I then managed to get the back of all of these papers signed, dated and stamped by my Asesor to verify my details and vouch for me as a fine upstanding member of the tax-paying public (or at least I think that's what he wrote).

The documents have been posted out today so I wait with baited breath to find out the outcome .Of course many people in Spain with have the benefit of receiving mains utility bills and have their bank statements in their own names, so this should not be a real issue. Likewise for those who still have a UK address that they are receiving Bills at. I only hope that the FSA realise that the whole system is a joke - after all, If I were a Criminal looking to launder some money, then what would stop me from using my OLD account? - It is only registered to an address that I have long since moved away from in the UK.

# EDIT # Yay ! it seems that my efforts have paid off - my account has now been opened and activated and is ready for use !