Donna Gee - Spain's Grumpy Old Gran

SHARE THE MOANS AND GROANS OF AN IRRITABLE EXPAT BRITISH JOURNALIST

Life at 70: The ultimate in humour to die for
Friday, July 4, 2014 @ 6:54 AM

WARNING: DYING CAN

DAMAGE YOUR HEALTH

HAVE FUN WHILE YOU CAN, 'COS WE

AIN'T GETTING OUT OF THIS ALIVE!

LIFE experts reckon young people don’t even think about their own mortality until they reach the age of 35.

That’s their funeral. When they get to my age, they’ll think about it 35 times a die - sorry, day.
With respect to the doom-mongers, I refuse to let the thought of dying get me down half an inch, let alone six feet. Let's face it, there's no point being too serious about anything because none of us is going to get out of this alive.

Death is arguably the most sensitive issue in life - but losing someone special is something we all have to deal with it at some point.
I just wish I had the courage to laugh in the Grim Reaper’s face and ensure that I go out in a blaze of glory. (Heaven help me if the Reaper really does exist!).
The funeral scenario gets a whole lot worse as the years roll on. Your body starts to creak and you wonder if the tickle in your throat is about to escalate into a coffin fit.
It’s time to stop choking and start joking.
And that's easier said than done when your own Biblical D-for-Death appointment is little over 100 days away.
It's a grave thought but, going on Old Testament chronology, my funeral plan will explode into action on October 10, when I’ll be celebrating my three score years and 10 at my daughter’s home in Manchester. OK, to be strictly accurate she lives in Bury...hell, that’s ominous.
If I do actually pop my clogs on the big day, I guarantee the shock will kill me. So I’m hoping the Big Boss will grant me a bit of overtime instead.
Say 30 years in perfect health to take me through to a Lord’s century?
I'm dying to know what lies beyond the grave. Absolute believers like Jehovah's Witnesses predict that God’s Kingdom will soon replace the increasingly rotten society we live in today.
The dead will be resurrected and put to a loyalty test, while the wicked and disobedient will be destroyed.
It’s a case of ‘Vote for the Jesus-God coalition and live forever in an idyllic world’
I guess that means you’re a dead cert for 10,000 years hard Labour if politics sends you to sleep and UKIP when you should be voting. Only consolation is that you’ll inevitably serve your time Clegg-less. The goodies live happily ever while the unfaithful push up daisies for the rest of their deaths.
Chain gang, here I come.

MY DEAD-CERT TOP TEN OF GOLDEN OLDIES

1. Going Underground – The Jam
2. Skull Of Kintyre - Poor Yoric
3. The Hippy Hippy Wake - Swinging Blue Jeans
4. The Funeral Is Over - New Seekers
5. That's Death – Frank Sinatra
6. Grave On – Buddy Holly
7. When You Walk In The Tomb - The Searchers
8. Hearse Of The Rising Sun - The Animals
9. The Road To Hell - Chris Rea
10. Good Mourning - Judy Garland

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2 Comments

eggcup said:
Saturday, July 5, 2014 @ 9:42 AM

Yes Donna. Many people have the weird idea that you are a misery-guts if you talk about death and they try and get you off the subject quickly. Buddhists believe you should think about it every minute (I think I read that) and that you should be always preparing for the best death possible (not so keen on all that emphasis on the last few moments - sounds a bit silly). I think it is good to think about it every day if you can, at any age (I'm not far off the half century and feel old - but my sister felt over the hill before her 30th). Thinking about death should concentrate the mind so that you make better use of your time.
I'm not so into the idea of having fun and 'enjoying' it though. I tend to think more about trying to be good, and trying to do the right thing (you don't have to be religious to think like that). The idea of enjoying every minute can, I think, be defined in quite a narrow way by many people - like you should be on a roller coaster. Having a nice coffee and a Twix while reading the paper in my local coffee shop, and knocking back a glass of wine or two in front of 'Foyle's War' in the evening is my idea of having a good time (yes, I do sound old don't I?).

calamitykay said:
Saturday, July 5, 2014 @ 1:04 PM

I agree Eggcup, as a mere 'not so spring chicken' in my early 50's, I am more aware of the aching joints etc that a life of hard work rewards us with. I'm not ashamed to say that I look forward to an afternoon snooze or indeed that I can spend my evenings knitting away whilst my other half scours the internet for interesting articles.
Having lost my mother when I was just 14, (she was just 35) and then my father in my 30's (he was 53), along with a fair smattering of older relatives, I've had to face this inevitable fact for longer than many in my social circle. I think my main difference is that having experienced the hardship of growing up in a family with 4 brothers, a hard working father etc., I realise the importance of having life insurance. I'm not talking life changing amounts of money that my children might be rubbing their hands together (after a suitable mourning period of course lol), but of making sure that no-one has to struggle to firstly arrange my final send off, and subsequently enabling them to hopefully enjoy their own family lives without the continual nagging worries of financial stability.
In any case, I certainly hope to be part of this life for at least another 30 years yet, there's a lot to see, do and live. :-)