The Travels & Adventures of Flog-It Removals.

It’s been a long time since we got back from the final leg of the previous round trip down to Javea, over a week in fact. I was going to write about the delivery to Wendy & John, “Hi Wendy & John”.  I thought about writing about our evening in the Hotel Port Denia and our chat with Norman & John, “Hi Norman & John”. But like I said a lot has happened since then, I have been to

England on a plane and that was much more exciting. No problems what so ever on departure for the outbound flight. No problems while over in Derby either, apart from the snow and driving rain on Friday. The hotel was good, breakfast great, food superb, beer…. Well yes I have to admit it was that smooth flow crap and at £3 a pint I think they were pushing their luck. It was once I got to East Midlands Airport and attempted to leave the country that the fun began. Now I know I sometimes push my luck and try to bend a few rules but the procedure to get out of England is such a pain in the derriere, especially as I was carrying exactly the same as for the outward journey. I took off my jacket, like in Spain, and removed my laptop case from my hand luggage bag like it says to do, only one piece of hand luggage per person but you have to split it down into component parts for HM Customs. Once I got to the scanners I had to remove my belt (which I wore through in Spain), then I had to remove my shoes (in Spain they stayed on my feet), then I also had to remove the laptop from its case and place it in its very own plastic bin to go through the scanner, in Spain the laptop stayed in it’s case. Feeling half naked I walked through the body scanner and guess what? I set it off!! I don’t even wear a watch so I cannot for the life of me explain why, but needless to say the one in Spain let me walk straight through, shoes, belt and all. One “frisk” later I was standing getting dressed as I watched my bags come out of the X-Ray machine…. Laptop, laptop case, shoes, jacket, hand luggage. Then the security guard hit the reverse button, back went the hand luggage and stopped whilst a couple more men in black gathered to look. I could see them pointing at something and discussing it. It was an almost square thing with three prongs poking out of it and to me it looked just like a standard UK three pin plug, and there was a good reason for that. My case was marked for search and I had to stand and wait while other cases were searched and once a guard became free it was my turn. Once the case was open there it was in full view for all to see, next to the three pin plug… Oh my God this case is packing a well squeezed tube of toothpaste!! Security alert, it was not allowed through, even though it was less than 100ml unless for the sum of £1 I was to purchase a protective and toothpaste neutralising clear plastic bag. Now I thought that if the bag cost a quid it would need to be lead-lined so I refused and instructed the powers that be to place the offending item in the nearest quarantined receptacle. Of course a case carrying one banned substance could well be carrying another so a more thorough search produced a half empty deodorant spray which with my permission met the same fate as the toothpaste. “Don’t worry Sir, you can buy a replacement once you are through customs.” Said the guard. Then it struck me, what a damned clever idea, here we are in times of crisis and the HM Customs are trying to save the economy and save Boots the chemist from bankruptcy by confiscating unsuspecting toiletries and forcing unsuspecting passengers to buy new and therefore stimulate the economy!! Gordon Brown would be proud of them. “No thank you, I would rather stink!!”  The case was closed and re-packed and I was allowed through and once on the other side I sat down in departures and re-opened the case to take out the bottle of vodka which they missed and gave myself a well deserved mouthwash. Nice one Cyril.