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Just watched the Olympic Torch making its way from East Anglia's most beautiful City - Norwich, to Ipswich. I once spent a year in Ipswich, it was a Sunday, and it was closed.

Transferred some money from my UK bank on Monday to Barclays here in Spain. Both banks agreed it would be in my account in 3 working days.......WRONG! Nationwide got it right, Barclays.es have now held my money in Madrid for 2 days, and it may not arrive until Monday next. Tomorrow morning an extremely irate Englishman will present himself at Barclays Bank for a little chat with the Manager.

My wife went into a bank once and asked if she could open a joint accoint. "Certainly" said the Teller, "Who is the joint holder?" My wife replied "Oh, anyone will do, as long as they have pots of money".

Incidentally, my wife is blond. She is half Danish & half Welsh. She speaks fluent Yorkshirese! I said to her once., "If you found a Million Pounds, what would you do?" She said, "I'd find out who had lost it, and if he was poor, I'd give it back".

I rest my case.