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My lady & I went to see "Abraham Lincoln - Vampire Killer" last night. Plenty of slash and mayhem. We were the only two in the cinema until 6 young people came in, ten minutes after the film had started. They had the choice of the whole cinema except for us two, and then stood in the aisle arguing where to sit. I think cinemas should prohibit entry to anyone who arrives after the film has started. Most annoying, most inconsiderate.

Clutch on my Honda CRV getting fixed in the repair shop today, 1600€....I apologise for the loud sobbing coming from a certain villa in the Pueblo !!!!

A jewish mother took her little son to the beach. A giant wave washed over him and swept him out to sea. The mother fell to her knees praying, "Oh Lord, My son means everything to me, I have been faithful to my jewish religion all my life, please God return my son to me unharmed!. A few seconds later another giant wave crashed and rolled her son back on the beach in front of her alive and well. The jewish mother fell to her knees again and looked up to the sky, "He had a hat!"

A man is in his local pub talking to his mate. "Well, my wife will be on the plane now". His mate asks "Oh yeah, where's she off to like?". The man sips his pint, "Nowhere. I just left her at home to take two inches off the kitchen door"