Hi All,
As some of you may know i have enjoyed the presence of my family and friends throughout the summer,in total i have 12 people in my house at any one time based on a rotation ststem Jose Mourinho would be proud of.
As we draw closer to the end of the holidays and the marathon comes to its conclusion i have i thought of some handy tips for both residents and visitors.
1. A spanish washing machine works pretty much the same as anywhere else in the world,it does not dance around the house late at night magically collecting all of the clothes like a scene from Fantasia,also it can be fully loaded and does not have to wash individual swimwear so that the drum does not spin 24hrs a day creating a false gravity field in the kitchen causing the dog to cling to the furniture risking being pulled towards the black hole that has emerged next to the fridge freezer.
2.Ahh,the Fridge,unless i am sadly mistaken the door of the fridge does not have to be constantly opened and closed every 30 seconds to generate enough energy to keep it running,it has a motor for that,i am sure that passing ships have noted that there must be a new lighthouse in tha Algorfa area!!
Secondly,the magical pixies that constantly restock and refresh the shelves free of charge every day DO NOT EXIST!!!!!.
The fridge is not like the wardrobe in the Chronicles of Narnia and belive or not you cannot walk through it and come out in Carrefour!!!!,the magical paper you were given at the cambio Exchange can be swapped for items of sustinence and not unlike Tesco's someone will have to pay for feeding the population of a small country.
3.The bathroom,some people having to go to work every day require the use of this to complete natural acts that allow them to get out of the door in the morning before siesta time,it should not become similar to the Big Brother Diary room where you have to queue and wait for a green light to come on,the Tesco's meat counter where a ticket is required,or a make up studio to rival the Benidorm Palace.
When the occupants of the house do eventually make it through the masses it is not neccesary to constantly knock on the door,we know you are still there,turning the handle up and down will not fortunately enough slide back the bolt to let you check if you are brown yet?!
4.The weather has absolutely nothing to do with me,if the temperatures drops below volcanic proportions for one day and there dares to be a cloud in the sky it is not my fault,it is not my job to ensure you return home with the best tan humanly possible,if it rains for a micro second then yes the weather probably is better in the UK than here at that spit second.
5. Beleive it or not we do not eat out every night,the small square object in the kitchen is a cooker and manages to sustain us through the winter by simply opening the door and adding food,(see number 2 for details)
To summarise;yes it is quiet here,we like it like that,you do not need to know the language fluently to moan or complain,don't moan and complain,yes it is hot,and no there is not a "Boots" in the high street for something that helps sunburn.
The art is not to lay like a star fish at every given oppurtunity the minute the sun rises untill dusk.
It is not a competition to see who can stay up the latest!
It is not a competition to see who can get the most sand down the back of the sofa!
Contrary to populary opinion there is only one sitting for dinner!
Sky Sports is louder than all other channels when the football is on(it means i am trying to listen and Andy Gray has far mor interesting things to say than you).
I could go on and on but this has acted as good therapy.
I love my family and miss them dearly and it is great to have them near now and again.
That's why i now have a web cam!!
Regards
Georgia