newly single at 40ish and living it up? on the Costa

 No, not peaceful day now, as man working outside my flat is drilling something, not sure what he is doing but it is bloody noisy.

Also unable to put washing out there as very dusty, why oh why did i sweep and clean my flat this morning as now looks like a cross between a chinese laundry and a desert.

On the plus side, i have at last inspected my poor plants after the winter and a few i have been unable to revive .

One also looks very dead but i love it too much to give up, that i am giving it one last chance. i have deleafed all the dead leaves and my god, there were loads and positioned in the sun, will buy a bigger pot and hopefully that may do the trick. Also i invested in baby bio, but will use that when i repotted.

Repotted the others and moved them into the sun and so hopeful, this little lot will blossom.

The front flowers are all coming up now, so pleased i have loads of my favourite daffodils blooming.

Made a sort of a decision this week, gave it some thought and though it hard, i am going to move after the summer. Oh yea, going to have a summer around the pools. Spoke to my dad and he is well pleased, so all good than. Now to have it painted and find out about this internet uk tv thing as i have to have my uk tv.

It will be good to get back to some of the things i did when living in la linea, like walking, yea too hilly to walk here.

zumba, yea i miss zumba and taking up jive as well, that was on my wish list, so at least that will be ticked.

Maybe even starting a few new projects as well.

Will be able to travel more as well

Yea the benefits are adding up

I am cat sitting again, but easier now there in new flat (note to self, need to buy cat litter)

Black cat jumped on my bed this morning, thought it was missy, but was not so scared this morning, and the cat not so afraid, it jumped off but just sat at window. ummm. Now what do i do , one to think about, but must not get attached as moving at end of summer. Will miss , miisy so much, actually very much and now i am getting teary , but i know i cannot take her as she has another home somewhere and she looks well looked after, she just likes coming here too.

Oh right now its time for me to have an afternoon on my balcony reading a very interesting book indeed, just want to get to the end now and find out what happens.

 It has been a mixed bag, over the last few days. 

Saturday more sponaniety and i googled that word and i am pleased to see i spelt it right. Yes a very impulsive Saturday , i am so pleased hotdate is mmm, different and bringing a whole different side of me and well ,yes ,i am enjoying it, (it helps he is hot too).

Sunday , lunch with 2 of my best friends and they cooked, shock horror, we normally do take outs or restaurants but they fancied cooking a roast , very good indeed .Very impressed with his cooking. However half way through i started choking on a piece of meat, it was completely stuck, i dont think i panicked as such. I gulped some drink to help push it but that just stayed in my mouth, so i hot footed to bathroom, where i disposed of drink all over there bathroom. Still stuck and not being able to breathe, Quick he said, do something, so he started thumping me on the back. Weird cause i was clear headed and thought right, its not going down, so try retching and bring it back up, so combination of me trying to vomit and being thumped , the little devil flew out . OH how embarassing, they were lovely, made me sit down, while cleaned up there bathroom, i did finish my lunch though but not the meat .

So , i am someone who believes in signs, that there is no coincidence, that things happen for a reason, Why did i choke, the first time i ever have and how significant was it being meat, so, it brings me onto a little post i saw on facebook today,

Dont ever change just to impress and please someone

change because it makes you a better person & leads to a better future.

How true , so, really would like to attempt to give up meat for ME and me alone, of course the sign may just be, stick to take aways .

My last casserole was a bit of disaster, bisto thingy, yuck, and red wine i poured into it was, i think a little off as it was very vinegary.

Now on to the really sad stuff, such a lovely lady was sadly taken from us today , her battle against  illness, which she  had been battling against for  many years, had finally beaten her. This is where life is so hard to understand .

 Who the hell invented speed bumps and put so many in Duquesa. Urgh, i took my normal route home this morning but a wonderful tune came on the radio and i was singing at top voice when it happened, me ,singing, flying yes flying over a bloody speed bump, at same time as a on coming car (never normally see any car on this route ) over the speed bump, the look of horror on his face when he saw me fly and bang down of other side of bump, oh dear i thought,  no, oh buggar i thought as the car shook but thankfully he did not stop and hey nor did mine

I have got my cooking mojo back and i am cooking my last casserole of the winter(please, please, let it be the last and the weather will improve) I have used an experimental stock pot thing from bisto.Must of been on specilal offer for me to have and gel thing of herbs .I have gone veggie with it and added just a touch of meat to it. Well i am trying(okok very trying). I am doing parsnip and potato mash, as i have fancied  mash for ages  and broccoli, just because i like it.

I am having  some very interesting firsts just lately. It is very good to have pre planned spontaneous, does that make sense, will reread, nope , but it is how i feel, so it stays and i am enjoying it.

Smoking, shall i admit to having a puff last night, may be i just have, was it a normal ciggie or not, umm, leave it like that, yep it was my first, will i again. want to write yep but should be writnig may be or even better no but no stick to first answer.

 Well, no, not quite 2 cats but I liked the headline, just like in the tv magazines and they write phil is killed? OR ! and actually he is not .

So ,not 2 moved in cats but i have a sort of soft spot for black cat as. let me explain, it has been knocking around for a few weeks, i think eating missy's food , bloody spraying, and generally hanging around. But than when i had not seen missy for a few days and went looking for her, black cat appeared and was quite friendly by weaving in and out my legs and not biting , unlike missy who enjoys taking chunks out of my legs.

Any how, missy turned up later that evening, sporting a new pink flea collar. Thus confirming she is a she and that she has more than 1 home(which does not suprise me). Now i feel less guilty about having to put her out in morning and not letting her in until i get home.

Than on Monday i did my usual, i get in and open door and when she is in ,i shut the door as i now notice when she comes in, she rarely goes back out and infact sge rarely moves from her in spot, which is the top of sofa at the moment,

Well i am distracted(thanks to hotdate) and did not shut door on her entry, i am looking at missy but hearing a crunching at the food bowl, umm, i think, i walk to bowl and yep, black cat eating.Also my rubbish bag has been ramsacked (dam it, spilling out the evidence of a chicken wing bone, ).I screech, black cat dashes away, well no, it miranders its way towards the back door(of course, no need for it to panic) and i open door for it.

Where is missy, under the bed of course, so brave and so protective.

Now my dilemma, love having missy around, love it more now i know she has another home(S) probably  and so less responsibility for me.BUT, BUT, black cat probably has no one, and so feel i would like to make sure it is ok , but if wild not sure how that will be and i would not want to upset missy and of course the spraying would have to stop as well.

And , And, will i be tying myself to this place even more, ugh, decisions and i do not do decisions welll.

Thoiugh it is 21.45 pm and no sign of either cat.

Today i found a real gem of a place, (ok, hotdate found a gem of a place). Its 2 mins from my work and its a real old fashioned library, the type you can curl up in a big chair and leave the real/outside world at the door and enter the wonderful world of books, umm, kindle but you get the atmosphere with all the books around. Also has a lovely garden with trees, so a cool/shady place for the summer. 

OH i said that word SUMMER, please come soon, it is getting lighter in the evenong, so it is coming.

Wanting to send good karma to all my friends who are going through private battles, your not alone and big big big hugs, and no bloody tears ok.

looking forward to weekend, dunno why, maybe , hopefully, the sun gods keeps it dry and im abducted.

 What an ultra stressful week, it seems a bit more pressure at work has been upon me, so, challenge on i suppose.

I really need to get into a more serious routine in my life, starting with, getting fit again and thus being able to fit into my bulging wardrobes , note sss on there , of course i mean the clothes in wardrobes , as could possibly fit in them, if i desire to

Diet, eat more healthy, i know, i know, i have said it before but i really must,, so brought no chocolate at morrisons today, well done me., 

Now before you read television paragrapth( oh check me out, paragraphs and all), i just remembered , a enjoyable friday night out with the girlies , eating, drinking (too much) and umm, more eating and drinking, a leaving do, good luck to her, she escaped the funny farm.

television, yes i am reuniting myself with the television this weekend, i have neglected this area recently, what am i thinking, going out and dare i say living, huh, what is that all about, of course my reuniting with my tele , has something to do with my depleting bank account, who can only put up with me using it once a week. 

So i am soap opera catching up, and and and , yes 3 ands, formula 1 is back , i love a afternoon of motoring, snoozing and excitement.

right, sorry, need to cut short as my tea is ready, oh yea, jacket potato

 I wanted to write somewhere, that yesterday would of been my mothers birthday and though i like facebook, well, mainly it is a giggle but it is not somewhere i felt i could write, so , here i am writing todays blog to my mother

Now i cannot say she was the most natural mother and i dare say i am definitely not the most natural daughter, so hey we are not perfect.

I planned the day minute by minute, so i was kept busy, which is strange as i never felt i have , how can i say it, missed her, but maybe i have not realised i have.

Firstly it was raining, yep, raining, today glorious sunshine and i have no plans to go out but yesterday it rained but reguardless i ploughed on with plans,.

went and picked a friend up form estepona as she was returning to Gibraltar, so good deed of the day done and dusted.

I than went to traffico to renew my driving licence , as in Spain only last 10 years, I was going to do this with no help from Spanish speaking friends, i was going to do this on my own.

I enter and i show my licence , yep, it is out of date in April and actually feeling quite smug with myself for doing it sort of in time, she takes me into a room, i sit and look into a webcam, photo taken, oh bloody hell, did not worn me , so great another crap photo to look at for the next 10 yearrs.

Off to room 2 , sit down and look at computer screen with some knobs and sticks sticking out of it, she tells me to follow the spot and hit the button, i think, yes it was in spanish, umm, so i think, just look at spot and hit button at different times and hope one of them will be correct, yep, a plan, so i follow the spot , right first and than left second.  Finished i turn and say bien, she looks at me and does not speak, oh,  i say que bien, yea that sounds better, ummm, she says , ante,ante, oh, i think what the hell does that mean, but to late to think , i am whisked of to room 3.

Eye test, oh, i think, covers my left eye and , omg, my right eye is getting worse as i can see hardly anything but the most biggest letters on there(now in uk , i only had to read a number plate at a distance and since i still could, what was the problem ) fail she says , ughh, oops, than she does left eye and well my left eye came in with a A+, so passed , that was close. off to room 4(well i think thats what she said.)

Paperwork, oh, i am on the last stretch now, i attempt to say i am hypertensive and diabetic and fingers crossed this is ok. She stamps all the papers now and i am ushered back out to front desk, where i am relieved of 60euros and given a piece of paper , i think i have done it  and all by myself , well done me ( well only if the new licence appears in the next few weeks, oh wishful thinking more like months)

Off to lunch with friends in Gib, fish and chips, i seem to be off meat at the moment , and it is still raining cats and dogs

Back to Spain and hot chocolate and a catch up with one of the most couragoeus (i know spelt badly) friends i have and she does not even realise how fantastic she is coping , and even if she has her dark days and even if she has to ration her wonder sleeping pills, i think she is truly a inspiration.

Back into Gib, still raining, and off to bingo, this part will be the hardest as going to bingo for my mum as she loved it and dare i say i quite like it too, in small doses. Received a call from hotdate and that was most welcomed and i was joined by 2 good friends,thanks to them,  so bingo for mum was how i finished March 12th, a tiny tribute not to the best mum in the world but the only mum i had and loved .

 Lets start ,well, friday got started by me waving goodbye to my father  and thankfully the flight departed from gibraltar. and there is the start of my first experience, i  am  now alone  Well  not completely as i have  fantastic pals and sort of hot date too.

It was raining in morning and so wellies were  worn and coat, So in afternoon when sun appeared ,I was inappropriately dressed ,but hey ,i was off for 5 days and about to . have New experiences.

2nd experience, cooking vegetarian,my menu was avocado salad to start and vegetable lasagne for main, and very successful they were ,umm, lasagne a little singed but added to taste, i think i got it right and i enjoyed it too.

Saturday,rain,but only in morning, oh,What  a Saturday ,,stroll along the beach, lovely Thai lunch and  a drive, we drove to see and investigate the naturalist resort, i have felt it has looked dated lately, it looked desserted ,but we wandered outside,reception was closed added to the look,  just about to leave ,a gate opened and we were let in, experience 3,  sort of gate crashing, we looked around  and saw the pool, a bar, had  a drink, spoke to a lovely couple,who had been for years, i started to like the feel of the place, well,upshot, we were invited to use the sauna, me,umm, i thought could try.

experience 4, sauna in naturalist resort, umm, did i, yes i did, not fully but that was Ok, how refreshing it felt,relaxing and most enjoyable and dare i say ,cannot wait to go back and fully use the whole resort

l better get up and enjoy sunday

 BUT it is raining, urgh, though i am not down hearted as this weekend i am going to be a gourmet vegetarian goddess, well i am going to attempt to cook vegetarian for hot date, yep , hot date is still hot date and i am about to let him loose on my culinary skills.

FIRSTLY oops bloody caps lock, many years ago , in my youth, i trained as a chef, never actually been employed as a chef but i should be able to cook vegetables but actually i feel quite pressured by them as i may of bigged myself up as a top chef, oops again there as i was not exactly the  most natural cook, but maybe vegetables are my thing, i like vegetables, which is handy but i normally stick a bit of meat or fish on the side , so think i need to be a bit adventurous , i read a veggie recipe at work today, to give me some hints as original menu was poo pooed by veggie friend , as too cheesy, and stochy , what a cheek i thought but she had a point and now she is providing me with a organic veg or this could be called a fruit, i cannot remember for my starter, oh yea, full on meal this will be, for main course, i have 2 options, not sure which, one i make quite well in the meat variety, i could just not do it without meat or, or, i could go out on a limb and do something spicy, i like spicy but not good at judging spicy , so it could be hot hot hot or just umm pleasant. 

Not seen missy for a few days, not since i had to ban her from flat and only let her in one room as the black cat keeps coming in and spraying and well, i am not liking the aroma of my flat , but i think she is around as her food keeps being eaten, just hope it is her and not her mate.

End of an era tomorow, i will be in Spain completely on my own, not scared as such but slightly nervous i suppose, so after, hopefully a fab weekend i mean to relax and rejuvenate myself, by , detoxing, meditating, well attempting to meditate and most importantly get myself more healthy and fit, of course read several books ready for the summer ahead as i am off work until thursday , yipee.

Verbs , lets talk verbs , as yesterday at work we all must have had a blonde moment as none of us couls say , what is a verb, or an irregular verb, and everybody we asked all had doubts as well, yes i know now, its a umm, cannot remember, oh well.

right thats it for today, 

 It has been a while since i added to my wish list and even longer since anything was ticked of the wish list, but hey thats what wish lists are for, for wishing and no action, which i appear to be able to do

Now on my drive home tonight i drove up the road next to the beach and wow the sea was so beautiful, it was rough, it was lashing the shore and yet it was in such control , and so it was than ,that i thought i must dig out my little camera, charge it and start taking some beautiful pictures as the sea looked so fantastic tonight, now of course it was raining hard with a passion, so i probably would not of got out my cosy car to take them but i could just of parked anyway and than i drove over the hill and the view is so stunning, i had forgotten in the winter months as leave in darkness and return in darkness but i think its getting lighter as i am seeing the view again and it makes the drive home , so woth it, even if the puddles in the road go right over the car at time

when was the last time i saw someone in my garage, yea that will be 5 mins ago when on inspection of my fridge i saw no diet coke, huh, but had some in boot, so, in my pjs,fleecy boots and dressing gown, how spanish i feel, i jumped in lift, all good, i entered the garage and there was a clue, the lights were on but no i did not take the hint, i strided to my car, opened boot , got my loot out and turned to face a couple getting out there car, umm, i thought, and with that i flashed my diet coke cans and said i run out of them and no responce from them and i strided back to lift and prayed they were for other block, yep, they were , so i think i got away with it and now enjoying a nice diet coke.

jive, think that was on my new year list, so may go on wednesday , maybe not but progress , definitely considering to go 

one wet moggy just appeard, feel slightly guilty as after her bringing one of her mates home, i have been forced to put her out when i go to work as , i spend all evening searhing for any sprays either one of them have done but now she does seem affectionate and so maybe she has got rid of mate for good

i cooked tonight, first time since my mother passed away i realised, strange how you do not realise you stop things, now i have eaten but junk, take aways and sweets but as per declared, i havve started a diet for 4 days and cooked jacket potato, oh though i forgot i was on diet as had 3 jammie wagon wheels earlier in day and was reminded on bus home, how my first day on diet had gone, quite well i thought as i had forgotten

 Yea, you read right, it may have taken me a while since i did my last reflection but it seems the right time to sit back and reflect my actions lately . but now i sit here and struggle to write down how i feel.

Let me break down different areas of my reflection, which may help me, 1 - my mothers departure, yea, still not ready to reflect there, so may come back to that later

. 2 - my father moving back to uk for good, easier, actually cannot wait for this as i feel i cannot give him want he needs and requires at the moment, so move to uk will be good for him and for me,

3 - work, oh bypass this one as well a job should be a means to paying for the life you lead and not be the focus of your life, yea, good.i think just by writing that means i may have actually reflected on this before and it worked . .

4 - lovelife- umm- umm, yea, will reflect privately i think. but i am still hopeful  im going to be ok there.

5- rejection, what a word to reflect on and my actions just lately seem to be from that irrational feeling of rejection,so , helen , reflect , that remember , it is irrational to feel rejected .

6. i may have 2 cats now as i have a black cat visit now and now my home is being sprayed by 2 cats and ugh , mopping all the time, but my reflection is, what do i do, do i , keep missy out when i am not here, thus i can control spraying but how sad is that as i like coming home to her and even more worrying is, if missy is a  she and  black cat is a he, will i come home to many little missys one day,

7. money., yea very low down my reflection but still needs addressing as my bank balance does seem to be on the low side more than it is on the high side, will i need to give serious thought to flat sharing . 

8. weather, yep 

 Well, i have friday as my day off, strange day to have as you have to work all week but without the benefit of having the weekend off but hey all worth it as now i can open a question,probe it, rectify it and than close it, so all good.

What am i doing on my day off, well, very busy , ummm, started the day most wonderfully, breakfast, umm nice, churros and chocolate, i am so spanish and now i am changing my sheets, washing, dusting, cleaning kitchen including washing uo as , well , thought i give the dishwasher a holiday, cleaning bathroom, sweeping and washing floors, phew, how busy .

Yea right, the suns out for the first time in ages and so i am chilling on the balcony with a diet coke, little bit cold, umm, yea very cold but the suns out , and so sitting in my big thick comfort cardi and now i have listed what chores i need to do, i give a big sigh and try to decide  which ones i could possibly put off to Sunday. oh just noticed ummm word is popular today, if it is word, not sure, may have made it up.

Though i am going to visit a few friends this afternoon, i seemed to have booked a few in and now wondering if i am going to get myself in a pickle and get round them all, i hope so as need a catch up with all of them, also hoping to fit in a quick hair cut as later this evening i am going out again, i know, i know , i may actually be living it up at the moment  and enjoying it alot.

Cat update, she is sitting on my lap, well she is attempting to sit on my lap but she will not achieve it as i have a small lap and so she will make me get up and go get another chair for her to sit on and when i get back she will be settled in comfy cushion chair and will now be sitting in my camp chair, ah well she looks comfy 

right this very busy girl is going to get action stations and take up some of these rays of sun, well it seems a shame to be stuck indoors on such a lovely day