Today, Saturday 4 January 2025, would have been my 50th wedding anniversary.
However, that marriage, to Jeryl, came to an end in 1995, after 30 years.
A pretty good effort, I reckon, with lots of positive outcomes.
In 30 years …..
Jeryl and I had two children together, Amy, now 41, and Tom, 37.
Amy lives in Stratford, East London, and has two boys, Felix, 8, and Jude, soon to be 5. Since graduation with a double first in English and German from The Queen’s College, Oxford, Amy has worked exclusively in the charity sector. She is currently Chief Executive of an educational charity, Tutors United.
An accomplished oboeist she plays in several orchestras across London.
Tom lives in Hastings, East Sussex, where he also has two boys with wife Susannah. They are Wilbur, 5, and Buckley, 1.
Tom and Susannah are both professional actors and singers although both are currently “resting”. Susannah, because she’s a full-time mum, and Tom, because Boris Johnson, the disgraced former prime minister, who was in charge during the Covid-19 pandemic, shut theatrical activity down, and the sector has been slow to recover. Tom currently works for Hastings Council.
Before the pandemic and before children both Tom and Susannah appeared in plays and musicals in London and the South East and on tours abroad. Susannah has focused more on singing and songwriting and already has a CD of self-penned songs to her name [see album cover right].
Daughter-in-law Susannah's CD [Courtesy of Amazon]
Turning point
When Jeryl and I split up, it proved to be a turning point for us both.
Jeryl retired early from academic life (she was professor of international marketing and head of department at Bradford University Business School), retrained as an actress and moved to London to be near our children and to be near the acting action.
Jeryl has played some great parts in theatres throughout the UK. She has also had featured roles in "Casualty", "Doctors" and "Killing Eve", as well as being a featured dancer in an episode of "Strictly Come Dancing".
As for me, I suffered a nervous breakdown around the time of our parting and was made redundant from my job as a school inspector/adviser. I took early retirement and started to draw my work pension.
I spent a fair bit of time in Ronda (Málaga, Spain), where I owned two properties. My new girlfriend Maude also bought a property in Ronda, the first time she visited the City of Dreams with me.
So, I was living in Bryn-y-Maen, North Wales with Maude, who was still working, and spending increasing amounts of time in Ronda doing up one of my properties, Casa Blanca and subsequently El Rincón, as her house was called.
This was a period where I got to know a lot of people in this beautiful Andalusian town.
By this time, between us, Maude and I had a portfolio of three rental properties.
The beginning of the end
My relationship with Maude came to a natural end after some three years, I moved out of the house in Bryn-y-Maen and went to live with my mum (I was 58).
My dream of living in Spain, which I’d had since I first visited the country aged 20, was now a possibility. I tried it but it didn’t work at first. I fell in with a crowd of heavy-drinking immigrants, which was fun for a while, but not really how I saw my life in Spain in the long term.
The cottage in Bryn-y-Maen [Snowdonia]
Tunstall Villa, Latchford
Living with my mum wasn’t a "healthy" nor viable option for me nor her in the long term. I needed to find a place of my own. I had sold Casa Blanca, so had some money in the bank which I invested in a portfolio of high-interest accounts with various banks, some foreign.
In Spring 2008 I thought I’d found a place quite near my mum’s, but then I went off to Luxembourg to help my university contemporary and friend Jac, a widow, do up a house she’d bought for her daughter and son-in-law.
I was there for three months, during which time I had a ball. My house fell through, but I enjoyed a brief summer romance with Jac and returned with her to the UK, when she went on her annual visit to South Wales, where she hails from.
Jac addresses the British Ladies Group in Luxembourg [Delano.lu]
Back up north in Warrington, I started looking for another house and found Tunstall Villa, a somewhat down-on-its-luck detached Victorian Villa on a decent sized plot.
I negotiated with the vendor and we agreed a good price, which included most of the furniture and fittings.
I returned to Luxembourg to do more work for Jac at the end of August and from there I flew to Spain to spend some time in Ronda during the Feria de Pedro Romero, which takes place on the first weekend in September.
Tunstall Villa, Latchford [On the Market]
Feria de Pedro Romero
I met up with my friend Michael who was living in Ronda, and still does. His brother and girlfriend were visiting from their home in North Wales but couldn’t find any accommodation. Everywhere was fully booked.
I let them stay in my flat with me.
That evening, a Friday, we went off to the Recinto Ferial (showground) where there was a funfair and several casetas, bars in large tents run be different organisations in Ronda, some private and some open to all.
In the first caseta we visited something happened which changed my life forever …..
“Lovely Rita, Meter Maid”
In this particular caseta there were some 20 "guiris" (foreigners). I knew a handful but by no means all, so I was introduced to everybody in turn. One very lovely lady turned out to be a German, resident in Montejaque (Málaga). Her name? Rita. I am a fluent German speaker, so she was thrilled to have someone to talk to in her mother tongue.
In my head the words “lovely” and “Rita” made me think of the Beatles song “Lovely Rita, Meter Maid”! So that was what I called her.
Feeling brave, I heard myself inviting myself to visit her at her home in Montejaque. She said yes and that’s what happened. Kaffee und Kuchen at 4.00 pm on the day before I was due to fly home. Her sister Birgid was visiting from Germany.
[Image: Wikipedia]
I later discovered that during the afternoon coffee session they were assessing me as to whether I would be a suitable guest that evening when an English couple were coming round for dinner. I passed the test apparently and was duly invited to stay for dinner.
The following day I flew back to Liverpool.
Rita and I kept in touch by email. She visited me in England a couple of times that Autumn and I went to Germany for her grandson’s christening and to meet her family. By the end of December, I had emigrated to live with Rita.
Within two years we were married. I sold Tunstall Villa and in February 2011, we moved into Villa Indiana, the detached bungalow with a huge garden, where we have lived ever since.
Rita and Paul get married in Maulbronn in 2010 [HMR] "Lovely Rita" with Paul, Christmas 2024 [Selfie]
Catalyst
Thinking back to 2005, when Jeryl and I divorced, that proved to be a positive turning point in both of our lives. Jeryl was able to pursue her dream of becoming a professional actor and I achieved my goal of living happily ever after in Spain.
Neither of us regret our 30 years as a married couple. We had some fantastic experiences and produced two great children, who in turn have given us four gorgeous grandsons.
So, to have regrets is pointless. Life moves on and, in both our cases, gave us the opportunity to pursue new and fulfilling lives.
[McConnell Family Law Group]
¡Viva el divorcio!
© Pablo de Ronda
Links:
SUSANNAH AUSTIN - NIGHTWALKING - Vídeo Dailymotion - An example of Susannah's work
What is a guiri? It's what the Spanish call us foreigners - but is it good or bad?
West End Live 2016 Sunny Afternoon - Tom in the prize-winning West End Kinks' musical
With thanks to:
Cervantes Theatre, Jeryl Whitelock Burgess, Ray Davies, Tom Whitelock
Photo acknowledgements:
Amazon, Cervantes Theatre, McConnell Family Law Group, On the Market, Paul Whitelock, Snowdonia, Tom Whitelock, www.delano.lu
Tags:
Amazon, Bryn-y-Maen, Cervantes Theatre, Daily Motion, Eye on Spain, guiri, Latchford, Málaga, Jeryl Whitelock Burgess, McConnell Family Law Group, Montejaque, On the Market, Paul Whitelock, Rolling Stone, Ronda, Secret Serrania, Tom Whitelock, Tutors United, Wales, Warrington, www.delano.lu