“If not now, then when?” This question was posted to my website, www.tombarrywrites.com, by Steve Lebel, as a response to my blog on “Our 5 biggest deathbed regrets.” Steve says that forcing himself to answer this question is a marvellous device to keep his bucket list short. And I can see his point. I’ve been a Spanish speaker of sorts for over 30 years, going back to the days when I had a Spanish girlfriend in-between marriages. I’ve always promised myself I’d invest the time to achieve fluency, and by Jove at times I’ve tried. I’ve got more Spanish language CD’s than you can shake a paella at. So I’ve decided it is now or never, and this winter I’m taking myself off, alone, on one of those total immersion courses where you eat, drink and sleep Spanish, living in a homestay with a family that, hopefully, can’t speak a word of English other than “fiesta”.
Steve’s question reminds me that there is a difference between intention and desire, and as we know the road to hell is paved with both. There is no point, like Billy Liar in the classic novel by Keith Waterhouse, of dreaming about what we are going to do, when x,y and z falls into place. Billy spends his life in fantasies and dreams about being a comic writer in the big city. When opportunity to live out the dream finally comes, when a beautiful girl is inviting Billy to live out his dream and join her on the train to London, he bottles out. All his good intentions were indeed a pipe dream. The protagonist we know is destined to live and die in the small industrial working class town somewhere in Yorkshire into which he was born (not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
When the Siren Calls
The Billy Liar novel ended with what could have been Billy’s life changing incident. Most novels begin with a life changing incident. The protagonist does something or something happens to them, after which we and they know their life can never be the same again. In romance it’s typically the event that first brings the boy and the girl together. In my romantic suspense novel, When the Siren Calls, it’s when wealthy but neglected Isobel is saved from a fate worse than death at the hands of a Marrakech mob by a handsome but enigmatic stranger. Isobel duly flees to Tuscany in pursuit of passion, risking everything to follow her heart.
In When the Siren Calls the life changing incident happens to Isobel, rather than she causes it to happen. But in reality she was a willing victim, she was waiting for the right person to come into her life, the person that would give her the courage to live a life true to herself, not the one her workaholic husband and fickle friends expect.
The problem with real life is that we can’t rely on life changing incidents to come along at the right time and propel us to pursue some quest, to follow our dream. If it’s ever going to happen, we need to make it happen, and as Steve asks, ‘if not now, then when?” The problem, of course, is fear. It is fear that holds us back. But as Christina Carson posted to this site, also in response to the blog on deathbed regrets: “It is always worth noting that life is unbelievably short, and to let fear stop you in any way is to die in that moment, even if you’re still standing upright for another 40 years.”
I’m thinking I’ve taken this stream of consciousness as far as I can. I’d like to thank Steve and Christina, and everyone else who takes the time to post comments to the site. As you see, I not only read them, but dwell on them. If you have a technique, like Steve’s, to keep your bucket list short, I’d love for you to share it here in the comments section. 
(To grab your copy of When the Siren Calls at a special discounted price of 99c (you save 90% on the regular price), go to http://bookShow.me/B009CFWPUW