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 Yesterday I was sitting in a street cafe in Coronado, California - a very pleasant thing to do - chatting to a serene American lady on the next table. I learnt she had spent her life married to a military man, long since passed away. She was probably about 30 years my senior, and I'm no spring chicken. A young woman approached and asked the lady who, like me, was sitting alone, if she could take away the empty chair opposite. "I don't know," said the sprightly older woman, "what if Prince Charming walks along here looking for a seat?" We all laughed, but the interesting thing is the old lady was not joking; there really was nothing she would have liked more than for a handsome young man to stroll along and take the seat opposite and flirt with her.

Now, how do I know this? Well, for a start she was chatting to me :) But I also know this because women of all ages read romance novels. It is the biggest selling genre by far. Romance is one of the few genres, like erotica, in which journeyman authors can make a decent living churning out formulaic stories. Almost all romance is written by women for women, and all the big romance houses have their prescribed formula.

Ask almost any woman, and certainly my wife, and she'll tell you she'd like more romance in her life. Romance is one of those things, like money and good looks, we can never have too much of. The question is, how to get it.

In When the Siren Calls, the voluptuous young Lucy is head over handbags in love with the irrepressible rake Jay, who unfortunately is already taken. But Lucy knows Jay is trapped in a loveless marriage, because he has told her! What's a girl to do? The tactic of Lucy letting Jay live out every bedroom fantasy with her is not working; Jay, it seems, is no nearer to leaving his wife than he was when Lucy first threw herself at him two years before.

Lucy has run out of ideas, and turns to her new best friend, the battle-axe that is fellow flight attendant Tessa, for advice. Tessa's views on the art of seduction is tainted by a single unfailing conviction: “Men are bastards.” Tessa is in no doubt what Lucy must do:

"The only way you are going to get Jay to change is if you change your own behaviour first. What you need to understand is that he treats you the way he does for a very good reason.” She fell silent, awaiting the question, relishing her advantage over the beauty before her.

“Which is?” said Lucy obligingly.

“Which is that it’s the way you yourself have taught him to treat you. So now you have to start re-educating the shit. To teach him how you expect to be treated. How you demand to be treated.”

Lucy, with trepidation, agrees to try Tessa's advice, changes her behaviour, and in the process ratchets up the stakes for two-timing Jay. But does it work, does Lucy's changed behaviour finally win her the beau of her dreams? Well, that would be telling, but an old joke comes to mind: "A woman finds a mate and expects him to change, but he doesn't. A man finds a mate and expects her to stay the same, but she doesn't."

Happy Valentines day.
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