Mums and tots, Dads and tots, Friendship in Spain, lonely in Spain.

Hi there,

You probably dont think it can be possible to be lonely in Spain as the Spanish are such friendly people, however when you get here and settle into your new life style, you soon realise that you have very few people around you that speak English, can support you with concerns of your children and just some one to talk to who does not speak baby language.

I love my two children to bits and enjoy spending every minute with them, but I now realise that you need to share your experiences and some one else to enjoy your children as much as you do.  Although I have a lovely husband who gets involed with the babies as much as he can, he does not get home until 7pm -  7:30pm, so it can be a long lonely day.  When my husband does get back from work he needs to shower and I dont blame him for wanting to spend every minute that he has left with his babies, so what has happend during the day with them usual passes by and I often forget to mention my proud moments and my babies  achievements.

Anyway I have settled ok in Spain, it s a lovely place and so are the Spanish people, but I remember how lonely it is at the begining when you are trying to find your feet, but also more so now realising that everyone around you do not speak a lot of Spanish or are near/over retirement age, therefore no young children involved.

I feel that there is a definate need for people like myself to meet up with other people of a similar age with young children.

So here is what I suggest, if you are in the same position as me, reply to this thread and we can have a chat or arrange to  meet up as a group or on an individual basis, (a park, bar, Town square or any other place you can think of) If this hits off, then I will find where people can get too and see if we can set up regular meeting and maybe form some kind of mums and tots group.

Any replies, ideas, information would be much appreciated, and lets hope I can help other people at the same time as aking friends my self.

Many thanks

Twinmummy

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Hi I know exactly where you are at. Our twins are six now and we moved over when they were two. We are in Manilva on the Costa del Sol and at the time there wasn't a lot going on in terms of mums and tots groups and coming from the mums and tots culture in the UK, it was a surprise to discover that the Spanish hasdnothing which was the equivalent. They naturally have the family network around so I remember feeling quite isolated. My tip would be hang out at the local park as much as possible and you will eventually meet up with other mums. I wasn't particularly forthcoming enough at the time but in retrospect I should have put notices in shop windows, been more proactive etc  Good luck and let us know of your progress.

Susan

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  Hi twinmummy, how are you doing, have you had any response for Mums and tots?     It cannot be easy for you but hopefully it will get better as the twin's get older and they start joining in local activities.    I am glad Susan has replied to you she should be full of information as she has been in the same position.  At least you have good weather not the rain we have had in UK. nightmare.    I hope you enjoyed the fiesta, but I suppose a lot of it is late at night a bit  hard with the twin's. I heard the foam party went well.  Plus the breakfast of sardines wine and beer..           Well take care Pat  

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Hi there, 

thanks for letting me know that someone else as been through it and if they are 6 and you are still in spain you must be doing well, I have had no response to the advert, on this forum or another one I have tried, things are getting to "whats the point" at the minute, husband come home to tell me he had been layed off on Friday and therefore no work again, he has rang everyone up that he knows in the welding trade but no one has any work, they say it has all gone quiet, We have not had one response from our own adverts for metal work and have had two tax bills come in at the same time, what a week, just when we thought we were beginning to get sorted.

So if anyone out there knows of any work or anything needed doing, my husband would like some work. so he can keep his chin up and support his family. I know a lot of people must be feeling down at this time of year when there is no work and the state of the money crisis at the minute, but we want to go on and stay in Spain for our childrens sake as much as ours.
  
Thanks for your response Pat, you seemm to be the only regular to contact me, it is appreiciated. We have rain at the moment too, and the Fiestas was great, did not do the late stuff much, but we did venture out for the street parades and the Foam party was enjoyed by us all.

So if anyone can help, or suggest anything to cheer us up, please suggest away.

Bye for now

Twinmummy

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You sometimes find friends in the oddest places. My son was 3 months old and I was lonely in Jhb, SA. and made a friend in the local launderette (she had fled Rhodesia/Zimbabwe and was lonely too!) and she introduced  me to who was to become my best friend there. Nearly 28 years later we are still in touch. In Libya I was shut up nearly all day every day for a year in a villa with a 6 high wall all around  and 2 babies by then, 18 months and 3 months. Until I said enough, took a very deep breath and started to drive, and my social life took off! You will get through the bad times and it will get better, so don't despair.

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I don't know what your plans are but they start state school at three in Spain. Once they start school you meet so many mums outside the school gates and their social life will leave yours for dust once they start getting invited to birthday parties every weekend. I don't know if you have mentioned their ages but how old are the twins?

Susan

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Hi, 

The twin are 18 month old so a bit to go till they are 3, i have looked around on some local web sites to see if I can find a toddler group of some kind. Would not like to leave them with anyone i did know never mind didnt know at the minute, so I want to find something that involved the mums/dads also.

I take it you will remember this age quite well, lucky they have each other really, i think it would be hardsr to have one with no friends for them to play with

Thanks again

Twinmummy

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Hi Twin mummy,
Has your husband tried Iron art in Quesada,i know they advertise quite a lot for people,
It is very hard when you first come here and i admire you for trying,times are rough everywhere at the moment and everyone is feeling the pinch,try to keep your chin up and remeber that you came here to give the twins a better start in life,
Susan is dead on when she says once they get to school you will sometimes wish they didnt have so many friends as its birthday parties nearly every week,all of a sudden you are standing at the school gates with other mums and dads in exactly the same situation,also its a great way to make spanish friends.
Keep going with your mums and tots thing,i think its a great idea and will surely take off,it sometimes takes a little longer here but dont give up.
If you beleive strongly enough in something you will make it happen
Good luck.

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Hiya Georgia,

 

Thanks for your lovely post, It gives me some hope that eventualy i will meet friends and so will my children. Just 3 years old is a long time off, as the twins are only just 18 months old.

My husband actualy worked for Iron Art a few months back, and lets just say he would not recommend them to an enemy, for sales and jobs. The reason they are always asking for new people is because of the way they conduct their work and how they treat their present employees. I will leave it at that for now as I dont like talking bad of people.

I will try to keep the mums and tot thread at the top of the board to see if any newbies reply, There must be someone out there in a similar situation to me, or am I really on my own.

Lots of love

twinmummy

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Hiya, I've just sent you a PM!  

We're in Spain now, but have only just got our internet connected which is why my PM has taken a while to get to you since you sent me one.  

Anyway, you've probably read it by now, but if you haven't, me and hubby would still love to meet up, and I know Toby will love meeting the twins so he can finally have a playmate - two in fact! 

I've sent you our new number in the PM, so either message me or give us a call, and we'll arrange to meet up!

Chat to you soon :)

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Your post really hit a point with me, we've been here for 8 years, and it can be lonely even after that time.  We don't have children and I really think that's made it harder to find friends - no school gate chats! We sort of straddle the two communities (UK and Spanish) and don't quite fit into either.  The expat bars don't really appeal, and the Spanish have this 'family' thing going on and its a rare occasion that your invited into their homes.  Don't get me wrong I'm not complaning, we are lucky here with our lives, but even though I speak Spanish things can get lonely here... 

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HI,

Where do you live in Spain? and wow 8 years, you must of craked it by now then, trying the language out in our village isnt a problem, but I can imagine it being frustrating if you need to put it in practice and it is not possible.

Thanks for your reply, if you have managed to be here for 8 years wthout kids, it give me hope for us.


Bye for now Twinmummy

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hi, well we live in Estepona, not a very small village, but still has that mentality... no problem using the language, I speak Spanish all day every day.  No, I suppose what I meant is the difficulty of building relacionships, having said that it takes (took) years to do that with my mates in the UK, so why should I expect it to happen overnight here DOH! 

Sorry I was probably just having one of those 'down' days, we live in a beautiful country and are very lucky to do so, I do know that, its just sometimes you just crave for those real belly-laughs you had with your mates, you know the ones where you struggle to breath and end up crying with laughter! MOB (Mad Old Bird)
x

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Hi Dondonsinspain

I know exactly what you mean.

We're on the Estepona/Marbella border and have been here for 6 months, and making proper friends like we have back home is really difficult (maybe 6 months is too soon to class people as friends anyway).

However we have recently joined Estepona Municipal Gym and already feel more a part of the community and more settled. (We really miss our gym back home as that's where we spent lots of our free time and made mutual friends). So hoping to make some acquaintances in the gym classes which may lead on to friendships.

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Hi ABJ1

That's exactly what I did when I first got here, well not the municiple gym as it wasnt here then - I joined a small local gym, its moved twice and now changed hands, so I now belong to a another local one, but the principal is the same.  I've met loads of people throughout the 8 years we've been here at the classes, but as you say its not the same as those life-long pals in the UK.  Excellent for the Spanish though - the first year was very difficult, but after that it got easier....

Finding the 'real' people is what I find difficult, there are times where you think - now would I really be talking to this person - is it only because we speak English that we find ourselves communicating? It sounds as if I'm a right snob, and I don't mean be like that, maybe you understand? 

So where are you based?

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Hi Twinmummy, hope you got my PMs as I have been sending you some (of support) & also from friends pcs in Spain as we looked out for you & the twins every time we went through Formentera. So near yet so far.

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Morerosado welcome back - seems like you've been away forever!

Sorry twinmummy for hijacking your thread slightly but it's rare to find someone living so close as dondonsinspain on this forum (I would pm her but don't think she (I assume she's a she!) can read pms yet.

Dondonsin spain we live on the Benahavis Road.

Originally I had written quite a long post moaning about my experiences here but cut it short so it wasn't so negative!

My partner will will be happy to hear you picked up your Spanish after a year by going to the gym etc- he's trying really hard (I already speak Spanish but he's happy to get stuck in!).

I had that exact feeling about 6 weeks ago of wondering why I was 'friends' with certain people - we were going through a really tough time and they just didn't seem to know what to say - like my friends in the uk would - in fact they made me feel worse.

I've also found that when you have certain 'things' to offer, then people quickly want to become your friend and then when you've helped them out, just as quickly disappear! (eg translating, calling Telefonica!!!).

I think we all want all the good bits of Spain with the good bits of the Uk mixed in - and I've realised the best bits about the uk were my friends and family. My friend came over a couple of weekends ago and we laughed all weekend -just what I needed! When I want a laugh or a moan i call friends and family in the Uk - it would be great to have someone here I could do that with.

 

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Hiya (what does the Ajb1 stand for?)

I've applied to send PM's but waiting to here back, and yes its I'm a she, my name is Doña  - the dondons came from my childhood, my brother couldnt pronouce my name is like Sonya but with a D.

I know what you mean, I had also deleted my earlier post as it was SO negative, but its happend so many times to me too, fair-weather friends who just need you when they want something and then they are off.... nothing real at all.  Like you said the best things and in fact the only things we miss from the UK are our families and friends (not nessearily in that order!).

So we need to start up a moan-club or a giggle-group, or a belly-laugh brigade - to get us through those days when you start wondering... remind me again why did I come here???

We live in the town in Estepona, its real, and very Spanish, we love it, its great to be able to walk everywhere.  I think Benavis the village is like that?

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AJB are my initials.

Not too many more posts till you can pm!

The only people we really class as friends here are people that we have lnks with through the UK ie friends of friends. Peopel that we probably would have met at some point in the Uk ifthey were there.

There have however been some really generous people here who have helped us in difficult times with no ulterior motive - but they're often people you just happen to bump into in the street and never see again.

Yes let's start up a C de S moan/laugh club!! I'm up for that!!

Yes Benahavis is  a pretty Spanish village but there are also lots of English living there also. We however don't live in the village but on the road leading up there, so we have lots of options: Estepona, San Pedro and Benahavis for the Spanish way of life.

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Hello

Just wondering if anyone else is in the same position as me?

I have a 22 month old daughter and a son due in April(i know,I must be mad!) My husband and I moved to Estepona a few months ago(although we have lived in Spain for 4 years) and I would love to have friends (with or without babies) that I could go for a coffee and a natter with. It is very hard to find friends here.Of course,we all want friends like the ones we left at home and I know they took years to find!

I work 1 day a week and had a lovely lady come into the shop and chat. She is also pregnant and we said 'we must meet up for a coffee' but so far I have not seen her again!

Is there anyone else here that feels the same and would like to try to arrange something? It would be nice for us to support eachother and have someone other than our partners to talk to from time to time!

I cannot pm yet or leave my email so please reply on here.

Thanks

Vicci Healy

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