Only Joe King

FREE is Joe King's word of the moment.  He feels he has been set FREE since Covid-19 disrupted his life in 2021. He has written about this on EyeOnSpain.  He has also written about working for free.

In this article he writes about getting stuff for FREE.

FREE at last!

I like the word FREE. In English FREE means something different according to the context:

FREE in the sense of liberated physically, emotionally, spiritually or psychologically, or released from prison.

FREE also means cost-free or unpaid. 

Other languages have two words, eg Spanish 'libre' and 'gratis'; French ​​'libre' and 'gratuit' and German 'frei' and 'umsonst' or 'kostenlos'.

I  imagine FREE meant a lot to the late Nelson Mandela after he was released from imprisonment on Robben Island in 1990 after 27 years of incarceration.

I guess FREE also meant a lot to disgraced former tennis player Boris Becker when he was released from gaol in the UK this week and deported to Germany.

As for me, I became FREE of the stifling nature of conventional behaviour after my brush with the Coronavirus in 2021. You can read about that in 'Rebel With a Cause'. 

I also believe in the notion of barter and working for nothing. I wrote about that in 'Working for free. Why? Er ... Why not?'

I am also attracted to recycling and upcycling, which I write about below.

Getting Stuff For FREE

It’s amazing what you can get for nothing. You just need to keep your eyes open.

You can get a lot of stuff for nothing in the UK. When I bought my last house there, the vendor left the place pretty much fully furnished. She didn’t want a penny for it all.

The website Gumtree offers lots of free items too. Before I emigrated to Spain I got a very nice leather Chesterfield sofa off that very website, which I gave to my kids when they were first setting up home in London after they graduated. It has since been passed on to others, also free of charge.

My son Tom was given a car by a friend of his mum’s, old yet fully serviceable. He and his wife ran it successfully for a couple of years.

Here in the Serranía de Ronda, there’s free stuff too.

Over the years our good friend Jill has given us a nice jacket, that belonged to her late husband, a TV and an antique jug.

Some years ago, when I was doing up a house in Ronda for my then girlfriend, we were twice given a load of smooth stones for the garden by the builder’s merchant. He couldn’t be bothered to raise an invoice, he said!

Three years ago I took a fancy to an oak bookcase in our local hotel’s reception area, Hotel Palacete de Manara. I started negotiating a price with Álvaro, the owner, but in the end he just gave it to me for nothing!

In the second-hand emporium Mi Altillo in Ronda, I enquired about the price of a rather nice Spanish grammar book that was on sale. Juani, the kind owner, just gave it to me!

Another local hotel, Hotel Ronda Valley, is going to give me three wall lights which match other lights I already have but which are no longer available to buy. I offered to pay for them, but they wouldn’t hear of it!

Our acupuncturist, Doctora Luz Calderón, gives us a free session from time to time. That’s much appreciated by all of us who go, as a session is normally not cheap.

Something I’ve not tried yet is a free hair cut at Peluquería Vicky in Calle Lauría in Ronda. Every evening you can get your hair cut by a trainee for nothing at all. Makes sense to me!

FREE from the tip

You can often get decent free stuff from the basura.

Over the last couple of years, while renovating my old house in Montejaque (Málaga), I've acquired the following from the 'tip': tiles, three framed pictures, a kitchen drawer unit, shelving, sheets of new hardboard, cupboard doors, books and pallets.

The tiles are laid, the pictures are hung and the kitchen unit is refurbished and installed. The shelves are up and the books displayed on them. The hardboard lines the walls of a built-in wardrobe and the cupboard doors have been upcycled. The pallets have been chain-sawed into firewood for the winter. To be sure it burns quickly, but it costs 100€ less than a dumper-load of logs.

I knew an Irishman, Seamus, in Setenil de las Bodegas (Cadiz) who virtually furnished his house with things left at the rubbish skips.  

A month ago I spotted a set of six dining chairs at a basura in Ronda – they just needed a bit of TLC.

Last summer I got a bead curtain for nothing (over 100€ new) and a nice wooden coffee table which I’ve restored. Both were left at the rubbish point near our house.

FREE coffee

And the number of times when I go for my early morning coffee and I go to settle up, somebody has already paid for mine.

Amazing! Who needs money?

I reckon if you really put your mind to it, you could almost live for free.

© Joe King

Tags: antique, barter, basura, bead curtain, books, Boris Becker, car, chain-saw, chair, Chesterfield, coffee, coffee table, Coronavirus, Covid-19, cupboard, dining chair, dumper, EyeonSpain, firewood, free, frei, Germany, gratis, gratuit, Gumtree, hardboard, Irishman, Jill, Joe King, jug, kitchen, kostenlos, libre, money, Montejaque, Nelson Mandela, nothing, pallet, Peluquería Vicky, picture, prison, recycling, Robben Island, Ronda, rubbish, Seamus, Serrania de Ronda, Setenil de las Bodegas, shelving, Spain, television, tiles, tip, TLC, Tom, UK, umsonst, unit, upcycling

Joe King has known five Lola’s in his life – one was a transvestite; two are animals; and the other two are/were ….. show-girls!

Lola the “Tranny”

The first Lola was the presumed transvestite in the 1970 pop hit “Lola” by The Kinks. Although I rocked along to this controversial* song at the time of its release (I was 20 back then), it took on a new significance 45 years later when my actor son Tom Whitelock appeared as the bassist Pete Quaife in a year-long run in the award-winning West-End musical “Sunny Afternoon” at the Harold Pinter Theatre, London.

*The song was originally banned by the BBC because the lyrics contained a reference to the commercial product Coca Cola. This was later changed to Cherry Cola and the song was allowed to be played.

Lola, the Original Showgirl

My second Lola was the protagonist in Barry Manilow’s seminal 1978 work “Copacabana”. Lola was the poor unfortunate showgirl in his most famous song. She had a s**t life, ending up as a jaded, ageing showgirl mourning the loss of her murdered lover Tony.

Two Animal Lola’s

The third and fourth Lola's were both animals – pets. Lola the donkey, lovely beast, is my next-door neighbour. When I was in the garden, she always used to come to the fence to say hello and I love her to bits for the unconditional love she offered back.

The only problem with Lola is that she likes to do the donkey equivalent of singing in the shower – at 3.00 in the morning!

She still lives next door, but no longer comes to the fence to say hello, for she is tethered. The reason being that she preferred the grass on my side of the fence, and over several weeks earlier this year, in trying to reach it, she destroyed 60 metres of my wire fencing.

So, she is now hobbled, to prevent her doing further damage while I am in dispute with Lola’s owner over who pays for new fencing.

The other animal Lola is an altogether more unpleasant beast, a horrible dog that lives in the village, and is never on a leash.

Not only did she bite me on the leg last year, but she also takes great delight in crapping in front of my front door. I’ve placed five-litre plastic bottles of water there (the local Spanish do that, and it seems to work for them) and I’ve disinfected the area with the Spanish equivalent of TCP, but Lola still manages to dump on my doormat on an almost daily basis.

In truth, I don’t know that it is Lola, but it is! And if I can get a photo of her in flagrante delicto I can denounce her owner who will cop a fine of 1500€!

Be neighbourly, I hear you cry. Not in this case!

Lola, the 12-year-old Showgirl

The fifth Lola is a delight, the 12-year-old daughter of a Chilean mother and a German father. The family lived for a couple of years in the next village, but Lola and her dad are now back in Germany.

Lola really was a “showgirl”. I met her at the local drama group Proyecto Platea in Ronda, where we were both members.

Her first, and last, role was in “Le malade imaginaire” by Molière, in 2021.

***

“Her name is Lola, she was a showgirl
But that was 30 years ago, when they used to have a show
Now it’s a disco, but not for Lola
Still in the dress she used to wear, faded feathers in her hair
She sits there so refined, and drinks herself half-blind
She lost her youth and she lost her Tony
Now she’s lost her mind!”

© Joe King

Tags: Barry Manilow, Chilean, Copacabana, dog, donkey, German, Germany, Harold Pinter, Joe King, Kinks, Lola, Pete Quaife, Proyecto Platea, showgirl, Sunny Afternoon, Tom Whitelock, transvestite, West-End

Only Joe King has written recently about mottos and quotes on sugar packets, in pubs and bars, in loos and in the office.

In this third article in the series, he focuses on fridge magnets, T-shirts and the world wide web.

Fridge magnets

Fridge magnets are not just tourist knick-knacks, boasting about where you’ve been, eg “I love Frigiliana”, what you are/were, “Aquí vive un profesor”, or which football team you support, “Aquí vive un hincha del Barça”, it’s also the source of witty sayings, truisms and sound advice:

“SIT LONG

TALK MUCH

AND

LAUGH OFTEN!

“Never go to bed MAD or HUNGRY!”

Warnings:

“¡Hasta el 40 de mayo no te quites el sayo!”

[“Don’t shed your woolly till the 40^th May” (ie 9^th June, when summer is deemed to start in southern Spain). It is similar to the English expression “Cast ne’er a clout, till may be out” where may, by the way, refers to the blossom, not the month.]

“Quien quita la aceituna antes de enero, deja el aceite en el madero.”

[“If you pick your olives before January, you’re leaving oil in the tree.”]

“A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”

„Ich bin nicht kompliziert, sondern eine Herausforderung.“

[I’m not complicated; just a challenge!]

„Widersprich niemals eine Frau. Warte bis sie es selber tut.“

[Never contradict a woman. Wait till she does it herself!]

On a fridge magnet corkscrew:

“WINE improves with age;

I improve with WINE!”

And this witty observation on the passage of time:

“¡OTRA VEZ LUNES!

Menos mal que

el día siguiente a

pasado mañana

ya es la víspera del

VIERNES.”

[“It’s Monday again!

At least

the day after

the day after tomorrow

is the eve of

Friday.”]

T-Shirts

For a long time, T-shirts have been a rich source of (mainly) witty slogans. My friend Paul produces his own. Here are some examples:

Self-promotion:

“Once in a while someone AMAZING comes along …..

and HERE I AM!”

On illness:

“No estoy borracho.

¡Tengo PARKINSON!”

[“I’m not drunk.

I’ve got PARKINSON’S!”]

On xenophobia:

“Je ne suis pas un expat.

IK BEN EEN

VERDOMDE

IMMIGRANT!”

[“I’m not an ex-pat.

I’M AN

EFFING

IMMIGRANT!”]

On beer:

“BEER

n. [biƏ(r)]

A bitter alcoholic drink

also used for blood transfusion.”

“I’m not drunk.

I’m SOCIALLY LUBRICATED!”

“GOD MADE MAN,

MAN MADE BEER,

BELGIANS

MADE IT BETTER!”

World wide web

Lots of people post uplifting messages and slogans on social media, like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

“Para cada minuto que estás enfadado

pierdes 60 segundos de felicidad.”

[“For every minute that you spend angry

you are losing 60 seconds of happiness.”]

“LA VIDA ES

PARA aquellos

QUE ARRIESGAN, NO

para LOS

QUE LA

VEN PASAR.”

[“LIFE IS

FOR those

WHO TAKE RISKS, NOT

for THOSE

WHO JUST WATCH IT

GO BY.”]

An Irish friend of mine is a regular poster. Here are some examples from her repertoire:

Positive, life-affirming:

“This Christmas we don’t need more stuff.

We need more LOVE towards one another.”

“Life is short.

Take the TRIP,

Buy the SHOES.

Eat the CAKE.”

“Stay close to people who feel like sunshine.”

Wry humour:

“You know you’re old when you go to bed at the same time you used to go out!”

“I couldn’t afford an Ancestry DNA kit,

so I just announced that I had won the Lottery.

I soon found out who all my relatives were.”

Poignant:

“Have you ever loved someone so much

that you would have done anything to make them happy

and they just ended up using you …?”

With acknowledgements to:

A1 Photo Archive

Facebook

Freida Maybury

Joe King's fridge doors

Paul Darwent

© Joe King

Tags: A1, Ancestry, Beer, Belgian, Freida Maybury, Facebook, fridge magnet, Joe King, Paul Darwent, Parkinson’s,T-shirt, world wide web, xenophobia