st just for laughs

A golfer spent ages dithering over a tee shot on st just golf course, his mate wanting to get on with the game said "why all the fuss, whats the problem" the golfer replied "sorry mate but my wife is watching me from the wooden club hut so the shot must be perfect" his mate then said "forget it mate you'll never hit her from here".

Two Golfers playing on SG. Ist golfer says "last time we were here we hadn't completed we stayed in St Javier " he said pronouncing the J in Javier.

"No No said the second golfer it's pronounced Havier it's a silent J".

"Oh" said the first golfer standing corrected.

"When was that then" said the second golfer.

1st golfer replied "Last week in Hune first week of Huly ".............

Hi everybody, this is my SG golf story.

Four regular Sunday morning golfers decided that it would be really good to play a game of golf Christmas day and there and then decided they would do it. Anyway the great day came and all four of them turned up at 10:00. The first guy says - this game had better be a good one as it had cost him a fortune, he had bought his wife a diamond ring for christmas and she was at home now just staring at it.

The second guy agreed, he bought his wife a new car and she was at home reading the manual and playing with all the dials.

The third guy said he booked a cruise and his wife was at home going through the book to see whitch one she wanted.

The fourth guy looked at his friends in amazement and said "I can't believe you all spent so much money. I woke up this morning and and wished my wife a merry christmas and then said it was a great morning for golf OR sex" . She turned over and repleid " you had better take a jumper as it looks cold out there".

See you all at christmas for a few games, though not on christmas day.

Steve  M16-5

ANYTHING FOR AN ACE

He'd been playing for twenty years and he'd never managed it - the ultimate goal, a hole in one. As he was chipping away in a sandtrap one day and moving nothing but sand, he voiced the thought "I'd give anything" he said "anything to get a hole in one."

"Anything?" came a voice from behind and he turned to see a grinning, red -clad figure with neatly polished horns and sharpened tail.

"What did you have in mind?" the golfer enquired.

"Well would you give up half your sex life."

"Yes, yes I would."

"It's a deal then," and the figure faded discreetly from sight.

On the very next hole he did it, the ball just soared from his club in a perfect arc right into the hole and for good measure every other hole he played that round he holed in one. As he was putting his clubs away the figure in red appeared once more.

"Now for our bargain," he said "You remember you must give up half your sex life."

The golfer frowned "That gives me a bit of a problem," he said.

"You're not backing out of this," cried the figure with a swish of it's tail.

"We'd struck a bargain and you agreed to it."

"Yes, of course, but I do have a problem, which half of my sex life do you want - the thinking or the dreaming?"

SWEARING

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting.

"I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely
terrible  about it."

"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.

"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like
it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that
was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground
after going only about 100 yards."

"Is that when you swore?"

"No, Mother," says the nun.  "After that, a squirrel ran out of
the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run
away."

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.

"Well, no. says the nun.  You see, as the squirrel was running, an
eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons
and began to fly away!"

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.

"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws"
, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."

"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.

"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the
sandtrap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from
the hole."

The two nuns were silent for a moment.

Then Mother Superior sighed and said, "You missed the f---ing
putt, didn't you?"