How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, the old one and the new one.
How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. It turned itself in.
How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but he'll bill you for five!
How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
We don't know. They never get past the feasibility study.
How many politicians does it take to change a light-bulb?
'The Government is well aware of the situation and we are setting up a committee to look into the feasibility of changing it.'
One.
How many mind-readers does it take to change a light bulb? - think about it!
How many members of the government doe it take to change a light bulb.
Members of the government never change light bulbs, they prefer to keep the public in the dark.
How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
How many film stars doe it take to change a light-bulb?
One, but he only takes one step up the ladder, and then his stunt double takes over.
How many shop assistants does it take to change a light-bulb?
Only one, but he'll only change it if you have the receipt for the old bulb.
How many civil servants does it take to change a light-bulb?
Ten. One to mess it up and nine to write the cover-up report.
How many QA engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
3: 1 to screw it in and 2 to say "I told you so" when it doesn't work.
How many tourists does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to hold the bulb and five to ask for directions.
How many social scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
They do not change light bulbs they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.
How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, the old one is probably screwed in too tight.
How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number to dial one of their subordinates to come and change it.
How many jerks who ask stupid questions does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Change it to what?
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
How many grocery store cashiers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Are you kidding? They won't even change a five dollar bill.
How many civil servants does it take to change the light bulb?
45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.
How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Six - one to do all the work and five to write a song about how good the old one was.
How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
They don't know how to - it's a hardware problem.
How many fashion designers does it take to change a light bulb?
None - they just mount a huge advertising campaign proclaiming that this year "dark" is in.
How many sociologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one - but the bulb has got to want to change first.
How many skeptics does it take to change a light bulb?
What makes you think a light bulb can be changed anyway?
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A fish.
Q: How many Polaris service technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, and he does it very well, but there is that €85.00 non-refundable on-site service fee to consider . . .
Q: How many shipping department guys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We can change the light bulb in seven to ten working days, but if you call before 2 p.m., and pay an extra $15, we can get the light bulb changed overnight.
How many DIY buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes him two weekends and three trips to the hardware store.
How many politically correct people does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "Why should we impose our values on the light bulb? If it wishes to be a light bulb of no light, we should respect its uniqueness and individuality."
Tourist: Do you know how many Welsh people it takes to change a light bulb?
Welsh Choir: No, but you sing it and we'll hum the tune in moving harmony...
How many Radio 1 DJs does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it and two to resign over the changes.
How many Blue Peter (UK children's tv program) presenters does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it, and one to turn the old one into an attractive Christmas tree decoration.
How many trainspotters does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it, one to write its serial number down, and one to bring the anoraks and the flask of soup.
How many Technical Support staff does it take to change a light bulb?
"Well, we have an exact copy of your light bulb here and it seems to be working OK. Can you be more specific about the exact problem?..."
How many Chinamen does it take to change a light bulb?
Thousands, because Confucious say many hands make light work.
How many members of the starship Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
7. Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty, after checking around, notices that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers are promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection. Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as a reward the landing party is set free and given all of the light bulbs they can carry. Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk et. al. The new bulb is inserted, and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.
How many engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the rest of the class copies the report.
How many Princeton students does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.
How many real men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Real men aren't afraid of the dark.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but you have to nag him for a fortnight first.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
(It's a very simple task, so...) None. "It's a man's job."
How many Jewish mothers in law does it take to change a light bulb? (cue typical accent, shoulders hunched...)
None! I don't mind sitting here in the dark vilst u goes out enjoying yourselves.....
How many survivors of a nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.
How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?
That depends on the speed of the changer, and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. Then it just might be easier to leave the bulb alone and change the room. It's all relative.
How many anglers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five, and you should've seen the light bulb! It must have been this big! (Gestures with arms...) Five of us were barely enough!