Let me go through the ritual first: I am of an Irish farming family where dogs like horses were the most wonderful colleagues. Domesticated, they were better behaved than the children. In terms of usefulness they were essential. Wonderful creatures – they were intelligent, amusing and well behaved.
As a youngster I lived in a Welsh farming community; I had dogs and some of my mates’ dogs had awards and rosettes covering barn walls. As a youth and until my forties I had a dog. I do not dislike dogs.
Here in Spain I don’t know which I loathe the most; some dog owners or their canine delinquent lap-brats. These poor excuses for dogs have been over indulged all their lives and treat their owners with absolute contempt. In that one respect I do honour the judgement of such dogs. Their owners are even more contemptible.
This morning our tranquil urbanisation awoke to bedlam as dogs barked, yapped and shrieked - because I strolled past with my newspaper. You couldn’t hear yourself talk. It was like war had broken out. One grubby bag of fur, the size of a cat, made my life a misery by constantly snapping at my heels and trying to bite my ankles. My last hundred metres was taken up by my trying to beat it off with my newspaper. It was one of those moments in life when you wish you had a flame-thrower. Its owners were of course quite indulgent at its ‘naughty boy’ behaviour. Had a teenager behaved similarly he would have been quite rightly arrested.
This afternoon I arranged lunch with a lady friend. We arrive at the nice enough outdoor restaurant accompanied by her lovable spaniel, Tiger. Despite his name he is good natured and well behaved. As we looked for a table the pandemonium, attacks and bullying from some diners dogs ruined everything; not just for us but for other diners too. The dogs owners as so often were pathetically useless. We turned on our heels and took our custom and money elsewhere. To their credit other customers complained and said they didn't blame us. The rest of the afternoon spent elsewhere epitomised perfection.
For the life of me I cannot understand why grey squirrels, some birds, moles and badgers; even sewer rats are considered pests upon which open season is declared whilst these over-indulged schizophrenic misfits; canine birth defects are indulged by their equally gross owners. We cannot even take a stroll without hop-scotching through their dogs shit yet smokers are banished like lepers and human low-life are harrassed and arrested; surely it is a dysfunctional society to tolerate one and not the other.
If you are a dog owner and do not agree with me keep your thoughts to yourself; I am not interested. I have heard all the weak excuses before. They don't wash; neither do your dogs. If you cannot bring a dog to heel and silence it, or at least keep it on a lead then you shouldn't be allowed to own a dog. Get it? just take a walk, take your dog – and don’t forget to pick up after it.