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28 Mar 2007 12:00 AM by johnone Star rating in La Reserva de Marbel.... 233 posts Send private message

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What the Estate Agent Said ?     V      What the House Hunter Said !

"Ambient nightlife"                   "The house was two doors down from the Pub opposite the Fernando's all night Disco"
 
"Fourth bedroom / Study"        "More suitable as a broom cupboard. A bedroom? Possibly big enough for a cot (a small one)

 
"Easy maintained gardens"     "The garden was so small that investing in a spade would be a waste  money."
 
"Attractive old building with original features"     "This house hadn’t had any renovations since it was built in 1826"

"Convenient for local transport links"        "The house overlooked the E-15"
 
"Much potential" "Steer clear unless you have a lot of money and believe your blind dates really did have nice personalities"
 
"Close to train station" "Everyone wants to be near the train station, but not when it backs on to your garden"
 
"Secluded location" "It was in the middle-of-nowhere - barren and desolate. Suitable film set for Mad Max 5.
 
"Charming" "Another word for tiny. The cottage’s main entrance was five foot high".
 
"Close to local schools" "The noise from the playground was deafening"
 
"A real fixer-upper" "Tear down and start again"

Got any more? Post em Here
 



This message was last edited by johnone on 3/28/2007.

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28 Mar 2007 4:05 PM by Gillespie Star rating in Costa Calida Area. 608 posts Send private message

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opps see above



This message was last edited by Gillespie on 3/28/2007.

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28 Mar 2007 4:06 PM by Gillespie Star rating in Costa Calida Area. 608 posts Send private message

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Here are a few I came accross,

CHARMING NEIGHBOURHOOD - But the house we´re offering is Sh1te

GREAT INVESTMENT POTENTIAL -  But right now it´s 25% into negative equity

COMMUTING DISTANCE TO LONDON - So is Fort William in a day!

SOLD FULLY FURNISHED WITH OWNERS CAR FREE TO BUYER - Bank reclaim owner did a runner

CLOSE TO GREENBELT AREA IDEAL FOR PETS - Pavements and grass full of dogsh1te

SAFE AREA FOR CHILDREN - Local paedaphile recently arrested

 


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Business advice and consultancy - Visit www.calidain2business.com

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28 Mar 2007 7:24 PM by johnone Star rating in La Reserva de Marbel.... 233 posts Send private message

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Nice Ones Gill'

Bijou: Would suit contortionist with growth hormone deficiency.
Compact: See Bijou, then divide by two.
Mature Garden: The local AZ marks your garden as Terra Incognita.

Benefits from 'exposed beams': that is to say the ceiling plaster came down when the upstairs bath overflowed.

 


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28 Mar 2007 10:29 PM by Candyfloss Star rating in Cardiff / Mar Menor. 1605 posts Send private message

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One of my personal favourites

Easily maintained gardens   It hasn't got any.

Also

Spectacular views     As long as you stand on the roof with a pair of binoculars.

Easy Access to M4    It is on the M4




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28 Mar 2007 10:57 PM by Juan Pánzon Star rating in Marbella. 156 posts Send private message

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Hello there,

Is this like a recount of jokes about State Agents or it is being plainly said that that´s how we act normally?

Being an agent or working in the industry is sufficiently hard enough nowadays to piss on their graves.... If it´s sense of humour, excuse me for the comment,

 Jhonone, I live in Mimosas, maybe one day we can meet for a pizza at Graham´s CaboPizza, a pitty you missed the meet up today !

Juan.


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28 Mar 2007 11:05 PM by Candyfloss Star rating in Cardiff / Mar Menor. 1605 posts Send private message

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Don't worry Juan,

It's all said in jest. I am an Estate Agent myself and if you don't laugh you'll cry LOL.

It's a hard market out there but keep smiling.

 

Gina




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29 Mar 2007 6:59 AM by johnone Star rating in La Reserva de Marbel.... 233 posts Send private message

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Hola Juan and everyone else

I would have loved to meet up, next time perhaps. I dont actually take up residence until 23 April, although I have had the property since it was completed in 2005. I have been out many times for a holiday, but now we are making the big move.

John


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29 Mar 2007 5:07 PM by Rixxy Star rating in San Pedro. 2010 posts Send private message

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Hi Guys - Love the comments, I still have tears from laughing so much! John, we do intend to meet often so keep checking the website and we will meet soon!

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29 Mar 2007 6:17 PM by dixie Star rating. 49 posts Send private message

Here are some from when I used to live in Exmouth, Devon:

Sea views - flooded cellar, kitchen and dining room included in the sale

Sea glimpses - standing on tiptoe on scaffolding at second floor level, on a clear day.

Sea peeps (yes, really) - same scaffolding, same floor, but requiring the use of a harness and karribener - oh and somebody to hold the rope!

What I've never worked out is - do the agents REALLY think we believe them!

Dixie 


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15 May 2007 11:02 PM by Candyfloss Star rating in Cardiff / Mar Menor. 1605 posts Send private message

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This one is a lulu

Five minutes from the beach.     If you have a batmobile!!!





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19 May 2007 2:40 AM by FibbyUK Star rating in UK, Surrey & Playa F.... 2349 posts Send private message

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"Nothings being built in front of you"

Ha, ha blinkin' ha ha!............. (and don't blink, cos it will,........... be built............. in the blink of an eye)

Sorry Agents...........this happens!

 



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19 May 2007 9:56 AM by georgia Star rating in Algorfa (As seen on .... 1835 posts Send private message

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Hi Fibby,

The question i get asked most!!

"Will they build anything there" unless you are looking out to sea,across a golf course or up at a mountain 20000 feet above sea level the answer is probably yes!!!!!!!!!!!

Some others you her agents say;

"you will rent that out all year"

"of course its legal"

"it will be gone tommorow"

"you will make a fortune on this propertry"

"it will be finished in six months"

"you will be able to sell it for a profit before it's finished"

Not that i have ever muttered these immortal phrases,but we do get a lot of MASA,ATLAS,AMBASUN AND PARADOOR reps taking clients to the bars near our shop.

It does make you cringe at times

Regards

Georgia

ps Janice is quiet is she ok?



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19 May 2007 4:12 PM by Patty_1 Star rating in Hertfordshire. UK. .... 1062 posts Send private message

Hi Georgia, Yes we know what you are saying we have a farm and  the orange and lemon groves opposite us it's lovely but their is nothing to say in a few years time that could be built on, I hope not in my lifetime.  We see such lovely sunsets their with the mountains in the distance.  So fingers crossed. Regards Pat

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21 May 2007 12:36 AM by FibbyUK Star rating in UK, Surrey & Playa F.... 2349 posts Send private message

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Georgia!

AQn honest Estate Agent, I commend you!

~i appreciate yours is a difficult profession and also us buyers are more than dificult too!

Nice to hear "one" speak the truth though,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

JeanSis?

Who knows, not me, she won't "talk" to me.

No communication at all..............

Sorry!

regards,

 



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20 Sep 2007 11:41 AM by pedz Star rating. 9 posts Send private message

I Was on an inspection trip with one of the biggest Agents on the CB after a day of visiting many properties non of them meeting any of the criteria we specified and well over our budget, I asked if we go view a property I had researched myself, “we don’t market these properties” came the sharp reply, being somewhat of a persistent individual, I managed to twist her arm and she took us out the villa we really wanted to see.
It took an age to get there and when we finally arrived we where rushed in too and out of the show house! Then she give us a run down of the area to say the least it was scathing, “too far from this, too close too that, non of this and too much of that! feeling a bit downhearted we went back to our hotel.
Now comes the interesting bit, the following day our guide arrived at our hotel nice an early as usual grinning from ear to ear, “good News” she proclaimed, I can sell you that villa you like, you want to go for another look? So off we went, only this time it only took 5 minutes to get there then we where handed keys to some of the remaining available properties, and allowed to peruse at our leisure, then the agent gave us a “revised” rundown on the development, honestly, I could not believe the glowing report she spewed out, I burst out laughing, less than 24 hours ago if we bought a house here we would surely perish, forgotten, left to rot in the middle of nowhere! But today it’s only two minute walk to all the shops bars restaurants schools, this is a great place to live so if you want one I will do all the paperwork tonight for you to sign in the morning! Your avin a laugh lady.
 
I did buy the villa, but not with that agency.
       


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20 Sep 2007 12:26 PM by georgia Star rating in Algorfa (As seen on .... 1835 posts Send private message

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Hi Pedz,

Great sory,come on dish the dirt who was the Agent(and i use the term loosely!)

Georgia



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20 Sep 2007 12:33 PM by pedz Star rating. 9 posts Send private message

give you a clue "@"

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20 Sep 2007 12:43 PM by FibbyUK Star rating in UK, Surrey & Playa F.... 2349 posts Send private message

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LAS????

 



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20 Sep 2007 12:46 PM by georgia Star rating in Algorfa (As seen on .... 1835 posts Send private message

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Thanks Pedz,

You have just made my week!!!!!!!!!!you could probably here me laughing from there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i in fact i think i have lost a rib!!!!!!!!!!

There used to be a thread on here about them but it got deleted because it caused a big row!!!(with me) and one of their bosses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So did you go direct??????

Thanks again!!!!!!!!!!

Georgia



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