I had spent so long working, right up until I left for the airport that I wasn't really looking forward to my break.
On the way to the airport I was thinking that it was a stupid waste of time and money which could be better used.
Even when I had landed and collected my hire car, all the way to Chez Nous, I wasn't feeling exited or even particularly happy.
However.
As soon as I had entered our Spanish home, and made that first cup of tea, I found that I was almost euphoric. All the tension around my neck and shoulders disappeared, and I felt relaxed almost to the point of horizontal.
I wandered around opening everything up, making sure all my bits and pieces were where I wanted them and relaxed onto the sofa with a good book. I was in heaven.
Knowing that I was going to wake up to a bright sunny day, with no-one and nothing to attend to I slept better than I have for ages, without any sleeping tablets.
Writing this down it becomes clear to me that we really should up sticks and move out, - but then all the doubts crowd in.
How will we live with very little income?
I'm quite shy, I can seem a bit offhand and it takes me a long time to make friends, although when I do they are friends for life. I'm not a joiner of clubs, and I don't drink alcohol and want to party. I like to read, I like buy and sell quality clothes and other 'girlie' stuff, these are quite lonesome activities, basically I'm an introvert.
Will I feel very cut off from the life I have always known? I've lived in the Tunbridge Wells area all my life. I see people who I recognise (not necessarily friends) everywhere I go and it makes me feel secure.
Then there are my Sons, one not yet quite standing on his own feet, the other married with 2.5 grandchildren who I won't see as often if we move to Spain.
These are the things I can't quite leave...yet.................even though all the time I'm in the UK I want to.