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Shall I stay or shall I go?

Here we are in soggy Tunbridge Wells, in a house we hate, but still we can't quite make the decision to leave. This is the story of why we are in this position, and hopefully how eventually we'll change life for the better. Maybe it will ring a few bells with some of you!

The story so far.
Saturday, October 28, 2023 @ 2:18 PM

As some of you may remember this move to Spain has been a long saga, culminating with our arrival just before Christmas last year on a Non Lucrative Visa.

We've just started the ridiculous process of resubmitting all the stuff we submitted before to renew our visa. Between the Spanish and British government departments I reckon it'll take at least 3 months, and a lot of unnecessary expense.

I thought I'd try and put into words how I feel about this move, it may ring a bell with some people, others might well think I'm an ungrateful, miserable old bat. 
 

The thing is, I'm bored.
There I've said it! 
I miss my world, my tribe, and my life.
I know people will write in suggesting U3A, volunteering, travelling, etc. and believe me I've seriously considered all these, in fact I do volunteer for a charity, but it's not enough. I've been self employed all my life, living on my wits, working literally 7 days a week, and loving it, and loving the financial independence and freedom.

I'm not allowed to work here, and if I went automno which I have considered, I wouldn't be able to earn enough to satisfy the demands the Spanish state would put on me, especially after the first year.

My Husband who was also self employed all his life, is delighted to live somewhere warm and inexpensive and without the pressures of going to work every day. He has offered to sell up and move back, but I can't ask him to do that, and I do mostly like living here.

Does anyone else wake up every morning with the depressing thought, 'what the hell am I going to do today'?

I'm going to have to commute I think.



Like 2




12 Comments


lenox said:
Saturday, October 28, 2023 @ 3:14 PM

There's a lot to be said for joining a group with a specific hobby of some sort - whether it's walking, trains, butterflies, history or sandcastles. You get to meet people you wouldn't otherwise know - and practice your Spanish on something which is of mutual interest. Maybe ask the local librarian for ideas.


PablodeRonda said:
Saturday, October 28, 2023 @ 6:34 PM

Hi. Please don't give up after such a short time. I emigrated to Spain 15 years ago. For 3 years, everything was fine: I had a new relationship and a good reason to live here permanently. I became resident, got married and we moved to a more suitable house.
Then it all went wrong. I severely injured my back by over-doing the physical work in the garden and around the house and couldn't do much any more.
After my osteopath "cured" me, I couldn't extricate myself from the depression I'd fallen into, which made me lazy. I became a couch potato for several years and fell out of love with my beloved Spain.
Then Covid-19 rescued me. Random people were dying left, right and centre. I thought, I could be next and that kick-started me into action.
Now, I'm doing too much again, but my body is holding up - touch wood.
I've fallen in love with Spain all over again. And although sometimes I work longer hours than I used to before I retired from my career, it's on my terms (or my wife's).
I'm 73, BTW.
Why don't you write an autobiography? You clearly have the talent.


redboygym said:
Sunday, November 5, 2023 @ 9:46 AM

In response to the original article I would like to say, please close your eyes for 5 minutes and contemplate on the life you have and the one you want.I am 84 years of age and sadly lost my wife of 45 years 2 year ago. After it happened I thought I was managing to look after myself, but no I wasn't and I finished up in hospital 6months later very sick and near to dying. I knew then I had to change my thinking and get on with life. From what I read, you probably should and could write a book. I believe it would be the ideal platform for you to move out of the state of mind that you are in. Myself I am putting all my eforts into tryting to move to the Benidorm area and I am determined to do it.
I hope I haven't offended you, just try it and see.




redboygym said:
Sunday, November 5, 2023 @ 9:46 AM

In response to the original article I would like to say, please close your eyes for 5 minutes and contemplate on the life you have and the one you want.I am 84 years of age and sadly lost my wife of 45 years 2 year ago. After it happened I thought I was managing to look after myself, but no I wasn't and I finished up in hospital 6months later very sick and near to dying. I knew then I had to change my thinking and get on with life. From what I read, you probably should and could write a book. I believe it would be the ideal platform for you to move out of the state of mind that you are in. Myself I am putting all my eforts into tryting to move to the Benidorm area and I am determined to do it.
I hope I haven't offended you, just try it and see.




anthomo16 said:
Sunday, November 5, 2023 @ 9:55 AM

what do you like to do yourself? do you like chatting? why not start a english for spanish group - do you like knitting do the same there are loads of people out there who feel as you do put it out there and see what response you get


Ten66 said:
Sunday, November 5, 2023 @ 11:26 AM

You are not odd, you are you.
I am, maybe like you husband, I love doing nothing, and by nothing I mean not working and doing what ever I want and often
on whim.
I am also aware that people like you are out there and that is also fine, you not mad, silly or odd, you are just you.
Retirement does not mean the same to us all, I have friends who have gone back to work full time when they retired. Happy as they can be, for me, madness.
Hope you find you happy and not you madness.



gerrynag said:
Sunday, November 5, 2023 @ 2:32 PM

You mentioned Autonomo in your post. Unfotunately with an NLV you can´t work either for someone or for yourself. So Autonomo isn´t an option. I would suggest visiting some of the lovely places in Spain. Its such a beautiful country and there is so much to do.


jsevanbergen said:
Sunday, November 5, 2023 @ 3:31 PM

Gerrynag, it is possible to apply to be self employed after the first year, but I’m not going down that route.


jsevanbergen said:
Sunday, November 5, 2023 @ 6:15 PM

Thank you for your comments.
I have considered writing a book, but I can’t think of a story!
What I like doing is working.
I’m not very good, - in fact, I’m awful at leisure and having ‘fun’.Probably because I grew up in a very quiet house without visitors and parties.
Always feel guilty doing nothing.



jsevanbergen said:
Sunday, November 5, 2023 @ 6:41 PM

Don’t quite understand why the apostrophe was changed into a question mark!


Parki said:
Monday, November 6, 2023 @ 10:50 AM

Can I PM you?


redboygym said:
Monday, November 6, 2023 @ 11:56 AM

Hello again, you don't have to think of a story, you are the story.
Throughout your life you must have had experiences that could be turned into a story. My example is when I turned 65, I felt that it was a milestone in my life and I had to do something special
hence trekking on the annurpurna sanctuary in the Himalayas. On my return I wrote a short book of a 150 pages. I made a Charity venture out of my experiece and raised £6000 which was shared by 3 charities. Put the story of your life and experiences into chronological order and I bet you will reakise you can write probably a best seller. Regards


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