Own your NOW?
Why is it that sometimes it takes a defining moment or the prospect of death to make us realize what is important and teach us in an instant how important it is to live in the moment.
Let me put this another way.
Why is it that when we are in a situation where time all of a sudden could be running out we readjust our thinking and suddenly we can see clearly what is important in our lives?
After that statement I think I better explain!
11 years ago my husband and I made a decision to return to N. Ireland after 25 years living in S. Africa. Our decision was based on the future prospect and safety for our children and was not an easy one to make. Although S. Africa was not my birth home it was my husband’s home country and he would be leaving his family behind. We had a successful TV program at the time running on National TV and all in all business wise we were doing very well so it was difficult to walk away especially since we were moving to a country where we both did not have jobs to go to .
About 8 months before we left I had some unusual symptoms that I knew needed a Doctor to investigate and resulted in a brain scan at the local Hospital in Cape Town.
When the results of the scan came out right after the scan I was told to report to a neurosurgeon in the Hospital and was not allowed to leave the scanning department until I had spoken to the surgeon. The urgency of the situation dawned on me.
I had to take the scan in an envelope to another department and hand it into reception. When I did this the sister in charge opened the envelope and told me I had a macro adenoma and had to stay to see the surgeon.
For those of you who need enlightened a macro adenoma is a tumour that is defined as macro rather than micro due to the circumference diameter. As the scan was on my brain I knew it was in my brain somewhere. My profession throughout the years has always been in the health field; either teaching or working in a medical company and so being privy to that information threw up all possible connotations in my mind of where the tumour was and its effect.
My husband sat with me outside the office of the neurosurgeon and we waited.
We waited for 50 minutes at least and those 50 minutes in time changed my life. In front of me in the waiting room was a notice board with health posters and other pieces of information. I tried to read them to get my mind off what the surgeon was going to tell me but I could not focus. All I could see where images of my two young girls float across the board. Then there was my husband beside me just as scared as me and all I could do was think of him as well.
How would he cope?
How would he manage to bring the kids up ?
Why me …its not fair I want to see my kids grow up and leave school and get married
How will this affect them … loosing a mother so young. My daughters at this stage were 5 and 6
In that 50 minutes, my family were the only parts of my life that came into my head. Not my business, not my life in S. Africa…not my friends …...nothing else.
I was scared that what the surgeon would tell me would cheat me out of my time with my young girls and my husband. I married at the age of 35 and had my first daughter at 40 so having children was something I had left until “later” and for me had been a major decision.
When we sat down in front of the surgeon I was amazed at how relaxed he was and in a way that gave me the feeling that maybe this was not as serious as I thought and lucky for me it was not.
The tumour was on my pituitary gland at the base of the brain and it was benign and not malignant.
When he told me this information it was like being given a second chance, the feeling was amazing and as we walked out of his office I felt like I was walking on air. My senses were so acute, I could smell all the smells I noticed everyone in the office and I felt I was the luckiest person alive.
It was an amazing feeling and the experience in that short space of time had changed me for the rest of my life. Of course since that I have had surgery to remove the tumour and there is a story attached to that as well but knowing that it was benign and operable and also slow growing was music to my ears.
That was about 11 years ago and today I consider myself lucky for the experience. Not that I wish this on anyone but the fact that I have been given a chance in my life to know what it feels like with the possibility of life running short. It has meant that I appreciate every day and I really do.
I do not yearn for the past wondering what could or should have been. Nor do I sit and stare into the future dreaming of things that could never be. When I find myself doing either of these I quickly pull myself back into the present reminding myself of how important it is to utilize and optimize my enjoyment on the NOW. After all who of us know how long the NOW will last.
Owning my NOW has become very important in my life. I know that our timeline only travels in one direction when the day has gone it has gone. My mother who is now in her eighties will only get older with the days before just memories in her mind.
I think that where this really hits us straight on is when we hear on the media about the death of someone from our youth or we hear about them and are told their age. Just this morning on my way into college I listened to an interview with Julie Andrews as she has just released an album, and is approaching her 80th Birthday!
I still saw her as a young beautiful women running in the hills singing “The sound of music” The picture of Julie Andrews as a young women was imprinted in my mind and it brought back memories of when as young children we were all singing the songs and dreaming of being Julie Andrews with the handsome Captain Von Trap.
Aaah……..its great to dream
Live in the NOW, remember that the actions we take and the emotions we experience now will inevitably shape the unfolding of our future and will influence the happiness we fell now and the happiness we will feel in the future.
Our physical presence on this planet is short lived so we need to enjoy the moments while they are here. Give to people and it will bring meaning into your life.
Learn from your experiences form yesterday, learn from them and and move on. look to the future with a sense of wonder and adventure.
Dare to live each moment of every day and meaning and fulfillment will come into your life. Remember the NOW