If writers write why don’t fingers fing? You never see a grocer groce and never see a hammer ham. If the plural of tooth is teeth then why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? If I can’t find something I have placed somewhere I have overlooked it, which means I cannot see it. If on the other hand I stand on a mountain top and overlook a valley I can see it.
One goose or two geese so why don’t we call two moose two meese? It sounds crazy to me that you can make amends but you cannot make just one amend. Worse: If you have a box of odds and sods and get rid of half of them what is left?
There is no egg in eggplant; nor is there ham in hamburgers. Don’t go looking for either pine or apple in a pineapple. English muffins are not English and French fries are alien to the French. If you take a foreigner’s look at the English language you will likely become completely bemused.
Sweetbreads are neither sweet nor bread: it is the pancreas gland of an animal. If in quicksand you sink slowly; boxing rings are square, and guinea pigs don’t come from Guinea and they are not pigs. If teachers taught why didn’t the preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables I don’t even want to think about what a humanitarian might eat.
It has been said that all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Picture the scenario: An elderly couple have been good friends for years. When they decide to tie the knot. Having discussed living and financial arrangements the delicate subject is raised. The elderly gentleman asks his soon to be bride how often a ‘physical arrangement’ might be presumed. She replies: ‘Infrequently.’ He pauses for a moment and then asks: ‘Is that one word or two?’
We ship goods by road and we place cargo on a ship. Heck! We are a wonderful people. We have feet that smell and noses that run. How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same thing? A wise man is clever: A wise guy is dumb.
You can’t help but marvel at the lunacy of a language that says your house burns down when it has been burnt up. Did the fire alarm go on by going off? Have you noticed that when the stars are out you can see them but when the lights are out you can’t see them? ©
Mike Walsh Ghost-writing quite_write@yahoo.co.uk