The view from the back

 Sunday 30 June , a dark day , had a couple of visitors today collecting furniture we've sold sorry to see some of it go the worst was our pine wardrobes and large chest , we had these made 14 yrs ago and have waxed them twice a year since when we moved them yesterday me and he lovely wife thought we'd give them another coat of wax and a buff up so 2 hours later the looked great . Today the new owner arrives pays his cash and starts to load whilst he and his mate are carrying the chest with 13 drawers in they tilt it nd most of the draws drop in the road splitting 2 of the fronts , normally worth a laugh but not so funny this time his response , never mind ill glue them after stripping and the paint will hide it all ! The lovely wife just went in it was all too much.  So the bedroom looks bare with just a bed now the kitchen glass cabinets are empty and the wall looks bare without the wine racks. But what makes a dark day ? Lewis not winning the GP ? No vettel's DNF was compensation enough, so what ? Well the first of July was supposed to be our first week in Andalusia but here we are sat in the UK paying rent in Spain waiting for team manaña to get a move on .  I've been looking at ferries to Santander and late July is fully booked so to add insult to injury we might have to drive  the long way round . 1500 miles - 2 - 3 days drive in mid summer holiday traffic great.  Now I am unable to post a new thread on the chit chat forum due to a fault ARRRRRRRR 

i must remember that this is the start of our new life and the start of the old one was no picnic LOL but a few easy breaks would be nice. 

 Encountering fools seems to be our role in life, earlier I bemoaned the fools and cheapskates on eBay , well our encounters continue. May be its me thats just less tolerant our may be they're just daft , you will draw your own conclusions. You may choose to think that I'm daft as well I'm sure many would agree in ding me most days.

a month ago we were looking for a rental filling in the silly enquiry forms on line to find out they had been let and the site not updated or just no reply at all , until today when we start being E bombed by a estate agent who just got round to dealing with their  e mails . So if your agent isn't finding you a tenant in the Almeria area then let me know and I'll tell you who's bombing us , as I said some should avoid commerce. In our attempts to reduce the delays with our new best friends briefs we have found out another who should avoid commerce , apparently his mortgage advisor told him not to pay for the searches until he gets a bit of paper , WHAT THE ! What paper ? He couldn't say ! He did say " I've never bought before I'm only doing as I'm told " team manaña are now back on track and the searches are paid and hopefully he is now aware that these fools work for him and if he's as committed as he says then he needs to driving the bus not sat on the back row licking windows. 

Theres a common belief that many Brits on the costa drink too much , as a less than average drinker I'm starting to see the path to the gin bottle appearing before me , it's not the easy life or the low prices or the tax that makes it attractive , it's the legacy of the traumatic road taken to the sun.

 Some people just don't have a head for commerce and as such should avoid contracts and commitments and stick to being life's worker bees, they should especially avoid running their own business. Alas it's a free world and some people just do as they want regardless. 

our pop up eBay store is still trading how ever we seem to be attracting the uneducated and the skint, as you can gather we've had a bad run the ads clearly state for the islands and high lands please request postage BEFORE bidding. So first up is the guy from Lewis who upon winning refused to pay the extra  postage - it did double it , more than the item . So I had to list again and stand the cost on the up side it sold to a fool in Kent for more than the cost of the same new LOL . The second was a paddy from Co Kerry who makes a habit of over bidding and refusing to pay so after a complaint and a stewards enquiry he's called out and the items relisted then sell for half the price to a chancer how bid all day then when he wins wants a week to pay , come on its 20 quid mate ! 

On a happier note rightly or wrongly we have sold more furniture from next weekend my shirts will be on the loft pole between 2 chairs and my undies will be in a hold all ! If this all falls through at least we can redecorate and re style . From that you will gather that should it fall through we will have a 180 day holiday in the rental and then forget it . 

As the packing continues we have started with the glass and pottery , plastic boxes are the way says the lovely wife with tissue and shredded paper , the result of packing up my home office whilst on gardening leave last year. I even offered to help and was struck by the un canny resemblance a cappuccino cup in tissue has to a Melton Moberry pork pie , some things I may just miss a little !

  Now any of you kind folks who have had the stamina to follow this fine piece of literature form the start  will know that I'm not one for change , however I am a willing bit player in this farce ( coming to your theatre soon ) being the homeowners  you would expect that the lovely wife and I would be the leading couple in this show , like George and Mildred of 11 peacock ave. with our new best friends as the stooges , not so , the big guy up there has thrown in 2 new stars to take over the show. 

The plot was simple too simple some might say , take one family of 5 and a case of money out of a rented house and displace 2 old farts from the nest of 30 years giving them said case of cash as compensation - EASY 1 house 2 couples 1 case of cash . Now we're not talking mansions , smack dealers do bigger trades in car parks if you believe the papers . So why do 2 trained ( used loosly ) briefs on fixed fees need to turn a weeks work in to - wait for it - 11 to 16 weeks work what the !?#^ . They say its the searches , searches the house was new on an estate 30 yrs ago we bought it and have been in since then we have had 2 extensions done and supplied the occupancy Certs. That can be checked on line with NEDDC. It's lease hold with just over 970 yrs left  our brief has supplied land registry plans all agreed with our little plot outlined , so what the ?!@" could take another 10 weeks ??? 

Having found a rental and paid a deposit very soon the bond and fee will be due at that point we'll be paying for 2 places , the shippers want 3 weeks notice and to cap it all the ferries to northern Spain look very full so we my have to go the long way around , the bank can't open an account until they see us and the land lord wants cash for the bond and a signature . 

Is the sun over the yard arm yet  

 It's all go here still , the manifest is growing and the tempers are fraying , my lovely wife and I have been rubbing along fine but the last few days have seen the rubbing along turn in to rubbing up the wrong way. Something had to give and as the work is not going away then the lovely wife had to ! So after a night out with a friend and lunch the next day followed by a day off everything was on an even keel again. Stress - what we need is a holiday in the sun.

as the packing continues the through put has slowed , we re now in the position of needing to pack whilst packing what we need . We have sold the dinning table and chairs with collection near departure date the buyer said and I quote " can you wait for the cash a couple of months ? I'll pop it around then " arr bless her the " don't ask for credit " speech rushed to my lips but was closely beaten by    " better to pay on collection , Spain's a long way " .

as promised I went to see my dad to sort out Skype on his laptop , only to find he's got no camera and the people that stole football from the BBC have screwed his free broad band down that low that we'd be better off with 2 cans and a flip chart. Having purchased a camera and arranged an upgrade on the BB we're awaiting the improvement then it will be chocks  away . Lets hope they move quicker than their lite product, I thought the  lite things in life were ment to be better for you , may be something's in life just need to be supersized you know full fat ! 

Till manaña 

 Now we have the confirmed address for the rental we have been able to confirm the details with our shippers who duly sent a contract for us to see just awaiting the all important date . On reading through the lengthy T&C s it would appear they need a inventory of all items with costings , Arr nobody mentioned this at the discussion stage good job we haven't gone too far with the actual packing. 

Whats this , we will not ship owner packed wooden furniture if wrapped in plastic or bubble wrap due to condensation damage , What ? Where are they taking it ? 

After a call they require funiwrap on all wood furniture , the original box or plasma tv bag on the tv , ploy matteress bags for the beds and do not recommend the use of cardboard boxes. Arrrrr ! 

So after shopping around and parting with £120 the required stuff is on its way seems a lot of cash but compared to the packing quote its very cheap. 

So the list , we it's a nice day for removing cling film and guessing the value of stuff all over again .

i must keep my eye on the prize even with my current myopia. 

 Yes he's been and he was a little guy hiding behind a clip board , he had a list and he's checking it twice trying to find out what's draughty or lice. 

Wheres Waldo ? He's out the front no its the back, is he in the kitchen , the lounge the bedrooms ? Well he was where ever all the doors were open he neither asked or said where he was going and when he got there he left the closet doors open and he windows . My lovely wife made us a cuppa and asked if he would like one he agreed , no sugar ! Sweet enough - don't think so ! Said tea was served in best contemporary mug , it's on the dinner table with your folder and there it sat untouched . His visit was booked for 90 mins and so it was as if by magic 90mins later he was gone . Weather our new best friends got their money's worth only time will tell but they certainly got the time they paid for . 

You would think that a house surveyor would be glad of the work in the current market or may be that's it he's rusty having been locked in a closet since 2008 that would also explain leaving all the doors open ! 

Our brief amazed us again this morning by a draft contract dropping through the door , land registry the lot , may be ..... She's just popped out of the same closet being off the ball and rusty then running ahead , love to know what her secretary told her LOL . 

All we need now is for our new best friends on team manaña to keep up and we may just be in Spain before the summer shut down. 

Keep one eye on the prize 

 Well the brief was out today , probably down the civic centre at the adult reading group , her over worked secretary was left to fend off the call . She didn't recall sending the letters that arrived on Saturday and had not been thought of on Wednesday . But was able o confirm that it was usual for the deeds to be with the mortgage provider and could see from the forms that we have a mortgage and would advise our brief upon her return from where ever, they would then write to the bank ! So 3 letters and a phone call its a good job we're on a set rate so we won't be paying for their internal training package . 

It is the eve of the surveyor's visit and all is still , we'll all but my lovey wife's ABA and the duster , oh ABA  --  a-s to brush adapter  , as she valiantly try's to turn our home back from a sows ear to a silk purse . The appointment slot is 10 - 11.30 am so our new best friends have opted for a cheapie inspection but with nothing to hide they'll be fine. 

Even so can't help been a little nervous this should be the last hitch point then just the wait on the papers and off to the land of sun chaos and the future .

Just keep an eye on the prize ! 

 You read all the horror stories about buying homes abroad especially in our soon to be adopted Spain. The rule seems to be get a lawyer who's been recommended , who has a full command of both languages and has practiced in Spain for a while and knows the ropes. All  seems very sound advice I must say. You would assume that here in the UK with better safe guards the same advice would see you through with iron clad contentment. To that end we used the same solicitors to handle the sale of our home as handled the purchase especially as they have grown over the last 28 years and expanded from Sheffield into our village. Should be a solid choice any errors from last time then they did them. So why has it gone base over apex so soon ? We were sent a half ream of paper to fill out , when did we have the windows have we moved the boundary have we been burgled flooded been upset or upset the neighbours ? I mean come on they upset me every time the temp goes above 20c and the crew from Jordy shore turn up . The cover letter said could we take an hour to complete the forms - 3 hrs later their done the lovely wife hand delivered to the local office with our passports and drivers licences ( PERMISO lol) 

so with every thing including the curtains on the form we felt ripped off but safe that we had done our bit. Now like many we have a mortgage so the bank has the first charge and as such holds the deeds I believe this is the norm & all on the form. This was over a week ago and as you know we spoke to the brief mid week and all was well . So on Saturday we received 2 letters in one envelope from the brief - first thanks for completing the forms  promptly - second as we hold the deeds can we please pass them on to the brief 

i really can't wait for them to start the cleaver bits ! Beware of lawyers even English ones ! 

 My lovely daughter has just grassed her mum up and stunned me ! 

It would appear that the aforementioned bags are not £1 ea there £3 that's €3.54 each so 34 are worth £102   So may be there's more to on line shopping than I thought ! 

But at least we have a selection to coordinate with whilst wandering the street markets of Andalusia , do they have a pie row ? I'll find out soon enough .  

 Operations have today moved under the stairs , now for most this is a little dark hole but ours is some what larger as it rotates back under the turn all the way to that famous location "the foot of r stairs " with only one way in and out its a time capsule that gets reset as soon as Santa has finished his rounds and put the reindeer out to grass. 

The front line is all the usuall household appliances followed by flower arranging stuff and in the back is the Christmas tree, now the tree is 8' when set up and 4' diameter with 600 LEDs and 400 red baubles, its vast , truly looks the mutts when the lovely wife has finished and is one job I don't need to dodge as I'm excluded . So this lead to the usual do we want it , need it or how much room will it take up I just wonder will it look out of place ? Will it seem like Christmas with or without it ? Never really thought about it but I can't see the Spanish all putting pine trees in the salon , do they ?

I don't know if you remember them , but here in the uk all the supermarkets sell various carriers and bags for life with the posh ones being like sack cloth with Daisy's on or the like and run at a £1 or €1.18 ea, I used to see these about the kitchen and car often upto a year or so ago when my lovely wife started having the shopping delivered in an attempt to cut calories and spending neither of which had much effect. The logic was you can make sensible choices when on line and not stood in the pie aslie yeh ! 

So the bags , I found the nest where they had all gone to behind it all under the stairs huddled together for comfort was 34 , thirty four bags  some from all the major stores plus some I didn't even know, a bag for life we have enough for a small cats home , the explanation - I used to forget to pick it them up. 

 As the packing continues we have had our first day without giving or throwing stuff away it must be progress. Of which our new best friends are still awake and we can expect the surveyor on Tuesday next, lets just hope that now we've poked the bear we don't get bitten ! 

Well it seems that the world has  moved on from Sellotape when it comes to packing , the lovely wife has got a big roll of cling film to wrap the awkward stuff and the boxes. There seems to be quite an art in sealing in the freshness with a 75 cm wide roll of cling film but the results are quite satisfying with an every growing pile marching towards 19m3 . As an additional bonus should the van fall off the ferry then our stuff would be dry if recovered . 

Mum in law skyped today for a chat , well not quite , the lovely wife went all Cecil b de Mille and started filming the furniture we don't want, in a live web link to the mum in laws friends . Back camera , front camera , I'll prop you up while I measure it ! Yes it's quite big but you can squeeze it in , it'll take 2 to lift it though. It's a shame  we didn't record it because from the other room it was hilarious would have made a good ad for DFS . 

I need to have a word with dad now and get him into Skype , he has all the kit and is no dummy but his lap top only get used 3 - 4 times a year to book flights you quessed it to Spain. He's been a frequent flyer for years now however I have a feeling ill not need Skype to see him , we'll not every time 

It would appear that our new best friends are having a bit of a mañana hangover from their days in the sun of Andalucía , with a bit of a prod they have managed to pass the financial test show proof of a mortgage offer and appoint a solicitor who has made contact with ours. not a bad days work all in, admitted its not an exchange but at least we're back on course.

with the jobs on hold and a phone not far away it seemed appropriate to sit in the garden and stew a bit in between making prompting calls, i think our agent choked his fat cat when i said if we don’t hear soon its back on the market, the lovely wife would have choked me also as the place is far from the show house we have enjoyed over the last 7 months and would take more than the customary brush up to correct.

so thankfully a Yorkshiremans word is still his bond , that and his lease is up this month LOL

talking of bonds, the rental agreement arrived today and seems pleasantly straight forward and a another piece of the puzzle falls in place. i read that i have to pay the utilities in the landlords name but need to arrange the phone direct if required from what i know the last bit is a hospital pass as it can be the hardest especially with BB.

so being as the lovely wife has adopted to have a siesta , either that or she is ignoring me again i may just try one myself , well when in Spain !

 Been doing some admin today , the lovely wife has gone shopping with our daughter whos 28 by the way, we were young and in love and I must say we still are . Being my number 1 wife she has certain privileges that number 2 might not get ! These rights were set many years ago they inc the last word and the ability to send a cold chill down a mans spine. But with her heart of gold and unending forgiveness we muddle along. 

Having moved stuff and sold stuff given away stuff and binned it i thought I knew a lot about stuff well the value of ours at least. Its that I now need to know its volume in cubic metres as well. That's right shippers , as we agreed we don't want to take everything trying to make a list of what we want is tough and prone to disappointment. Eventually we would like to buy a place with built in wardrobes so most of the bedroom stuff is to go as is the 4 seater settee and chairs just in case it's too big. The buyers are having the 3 piece in the sitting room so that's a help.  Distilling your life down to cost per m3 is tough it makes you feel like leaving the lot and just going shopping , but the shops we've seen online look dire or too modern I'm sure there are more and better to be found. 

So we have 19 m3 plus the car to carry in to the future , not so much traveling like a Pharoh into the next life more like the folk who went west in the Californian gold rush with a covered wagon and a lust for something better. 

STOP 

it would appear that 3 weeks after making an offer our new best friends still don't have a solicitor lined up !  OMG  my lovely stuff ! 

 We have for weeks now been running down hundreds of totally essential items that you have to have and then put away safe it was quite a pile . The lovely wife was once more marched at gun point ( staple not revolver ) into the loft whilst I went for a drive around in the sun. Sounds marvellous , your wondering of my destination , well it was the tip , to be fair it was the tip 3 times followed by another trip to the charity shop , our chose cause St Luke's hospice nice people and a worthy cause. Do you know I feel right at home in their chesterfield shop we seem to share the same taste in design and art , music , literature and hobbies. Strange really. 

My lovely wife on one of my return trips commented on how hot it was in the loft , well in to the 30's I said it was nice out as well and it was good that she could take the heat so well as its warm in Spain you know. That remined me that I had planned to have the car serviced and the aircon regased before we drive down , must call them. 

The lovely wife has done it , it's clear , the loft is fit to sub let or convert , I bet there's  some great views out the back if only we'd done that rather then fill it up with life's essentials. You know I'm just wondering as most Spanish homes don't have lofts what do they do with all of life's essentials ? Basements ? Or do they ignore the toys and get out and live life and enjoy friends new and old ? 

With that in mind today I bought a camera and some extras , I know what your thinking but I'm not rerunning that part of the model plan I've signed up for a diploma in photography course , its on line and I start at the end of July so what an excuse to get out and explore my new surroundings. I hope the first lesson is still life against a white cloth as after all the ebay shots that should be a doodle. 

 Well that was a lovely afternoon with the mum in law , a fine roast dinner ( of which I have had a plenty over the years ) because " you don't know if you'll be able to have one in Spain ! " All that and the sun was out , by uk standards it was anyway. After lunch we lazed in the garden listening to the neighbours audition for Britains got no talent whilst they cooked somthing with unleaded in the garden. May be the Spanish have got it right and we would have been better off asleep. 

After a while the the game was on I was jostled in to the kitchen and handed The lap top, there was no escaping. I said smartly who do you know on Skype, we need to try it , we're here ? My lovely wife said not that easy I brought the pad ill be in the lounge , I was cornered 

So after the down load we addressed the profile and the dreaded password, this is the hitch this will be the 4th or 5th password so its a good job the phone calls will be free  ! But after a slow start we soon had full satellite comms with the lounge in full colour it reminded me of the aliens in the Argos Christmas ad who could even shop from the top of a lamp post as it worked in the garden up the stairs even in the loo ?? 

Whch got me to thinking do we need a new piece of etiquette to cover video calls ? I mean it brings a WHOLE new meaning to "you'll have to take me as you find me " LOL 

But you have to love her as she seems to have got it ! I'm sure we can look forward to lots of "can you see me calls " in the future.

 Well last night the topic of conversation was how good it is to talk, the mother in law said well I can still phone every day can't I ? Well every one agreed that would be expensive , but is it ?

a certain UK tv and phone / BB provider you know the one that stole football from the beeb. Has hidden in its t&c's the fact that if you have the top phone package for a heady £5 a month you can call Spain as much as you like for an hour a time for free. Problem solved relief all round , a hug from the wife - what countries aren't on that list eh! 

It wasn't long before the dreaded Skype raised its head, now earlier last year mum in law got a laptop so as to keep up with the brood on face book and soon found the world of on line shopping , now at 73 good on her I say for having a go ! however we have our fair share of lost passwords and odd questions ! I said how good the phone deal was and dodged to subject. 

So as the temp here in the UK soars to a mercury busting 20c at 10am and it seems like an impossible task to get the lovely wife up the loft ladder today , we are now on our way to see her mum and load Skype on her lap top .

if I still feel like using an iPad later on  i'll let you in on how jolly my days been . 

.? ? So just having sold my fly fishing tackle and bought some nice sea tackle I thought I would look into what's involved with getting a sea fishing licence. On the web we go , if I'm a resident ill need to complete a form and supply a notarised copy of my passport take an exam on the environment and an eye test before being relieved of my fee and waiting a month or so . For non anglers in the UK you go to the NRA web site on the day you chose to fish fill out the form pay and print off for either a day week or year ! If you wish to sit on a rock and sea fish its free no PERMISO needed. Trying to be positive - remember my employer thought I had earned this opportunity to have. Second life, I looked further and found an old post on a expat site that claims that if you have a UK licence produce it with the form and your passport and hay presto you can have a licence no exam or eye test ! Sounds to good to be true a benefit of being English. Further investigation confirms this so long as you don't say your resident. 

I have just received my sea tackle and plan a trip to the coast near Bridlington to try it out , but I will also have to buy a UK rod licence for £27 and another for the wife for no other reason than to smooth the way in Andalusia. 

I can't wait to claim residencia , swap the car , buy a house so much fun ahead, lets hope the house is perfect or there's also planning PERMISO . 

 Well the reality is really setting in now. There's so much to and apparently I have to help. So I proposed a division of our labours based on our strengths. So my lovely wife was sorting out all the old stuff in the loft whilst I sat in my office and sold hem on ebay. Well my part of our endeavours is showing a healthy profit but the news from supplies is that stocks are now low and will soon end so maybe here's no future in is business so like a trendy restaurant this pop up venture will have to close. 

So as you already know I'm not one for change I'm also no leader hence " The view from the back " I have always been the one at the back , you know the one with the awkward question , the one you try not to look at whilst making your pitch. I based my passed life on trying to distill it down to the nuts and bolts and then doing it on line. 

Is Spain still in the 1800's ? This could be a good question for the forum. In between listing fishing tackle and selling beds I have been given the temporary role of researcher. A word I seem to becoming very familiar with is PERMISO it crops up in all sorts of unexpected places , not being a word I have used in our Spanish lessons I looked it up . It would seem that it means permission or licence and it would seem that it's a word that the Spanish have took to heart managing to find so many ways of formalising their lives with a licence. What's even more surprising is that most of these PERMISO seem to be accompanied by either a health check or an exam or both and in an exclusive way can only be completed in Spanish. So having just sold the last of my fly fishing tackle & used the cash to buy some sea 

 Well we've sold the house, at last it seemed the longest 7 months ever ! I was knakard very Saturday morning watching my wife polish the veneer off everything just so the tyre kickers could cast an eye over our home of 28 years claim its beautiful and disappear in to the sunset.  Then .. Along can a very nice couple who also said "it's beautiful " but then came back ! The week after and the week after , our new best friends ( been in the house 4 hrs so far - might charge them rent ) made an offer and never was a hand shook so quick. 

Now not been one for the stars or fate and all that rubbish but they do say its a small world, well you couldn't write it. So I will. 

It turns out that our new best friends returned from Spain 4 yrs ago after closing their bar due to the resession even more intriguing is that he and our daughter are in the hotel trade and have worked in the same places but at different times in the UK and they actually got married where our daughter now works , would you ever ? 

So it's off to Spain , sounds idyllic , our friends say "your so lucky " even the ones we've just met seem so amenable. 

In the last 33 years I've had 1 job , 1 wife , 1 daughter, 2 houses but we was only in the first one for 1 year , as you can see I'm not one for change LoL . So as we start the second half of our lives it would seem appropriate to use the previous successful plan as a model for the next one. To that end we have rented a place in Arboleas for 11 months ?? What's that all about the agent said that you can't rent for a year ? I hope that's not a Oman - I know I don't believe in all that but would you ? .