Update

Very PC joke.

There was this person, another person and another person in a bar, the one person (thats the another person second one mentioned in the list at the beginning) said whose round is it, the other person (the one listed first in the list at the beginning) - NO! this just isn't gonna work.

Gillespie, after reading your "gentleman" post I noticed that "agent" can be split up as "a gent"....which is what you are

Sorry, that was a crap post, I'll p*ss off now and go and do some work

Rixxi - It was a creamy ecclare mmmmmm  - Bet you would get it all over yer toes so Hewwit would lick it off

Darren - My wife asked for shoes on valentines day, and I didn´t buy her any.  That night as I tried to assert my marital rights she said " bugger off, If you can´t shoe the horse in the day you ain´t riding it at night!

Paints  - Welcome aboard

Suddenly very livley in here again innit!

Thanks Gillespie,

I am a-gent as well. My wife is always moaning about my beer gut so Iooked up te definition.

I do not have a BEER GUT; I have developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

Now pass me a Mahou!!!

Naw Gaw blimey - dont fink I want me toes lickin by that geezer - wot!

(Im from London so can do the accent)

Now im REEEEEALY hungry! cream eclare sounds wonderful - gonna send the secreatary out to get a couple..

Choccy cakes....bottles of Mahou... that´s comfort food. 

Justin do you fancy Rixxi´s secretary? Your not planning on showing her the old doughnut trick again are you?

Paints - where you from? and do you make any money?

Cakes yes but you spelt Malibu wrong......

I KNOW im going to regtret this but whats the doughnut trick Justin ???

Kan wi ave a spill-chukker fatility on thus fourume Justin?

And don´t tell Rixxi about the doughnut trick.....her secretary can decribe it when she gets back.

I hope Mrs Justin ain´t got internet access.

You spoilsport Gillespie!

You men are terrible when the ladies are away. Ive got their mobiles somewhee, I will have to call them............

Well, must be lunchtime by now surely?

Jam filled, clream or just sugar ones?

Thats it - Im dribbling now!

I don´t believe it  Had a client in the office last thing last night.  Very interested in a property wanted to view today.  I arranged to meet him at the project with 4 similar properties to view.  I rang the owners and arranged times for 2  - i had keys for the others.

Guess what!!! no show, and the git has run away with my expensive office map I lent him last night so he could find his way.  I have rung his mobile till my battery went flat and no answer! 

So I gave up lunch, lost my map and one of the vendors reminded me that I have let her down twice with clients not showing! 

 Ha ha ha.... I just remembered when I first got to Spain I rented a house and the neighbours were Austrian.  Hervig used to pressure wash his entire house everymornig from about 6am I used to wake up thinking it was a gottafria..  One day his pressure washer stopped working and he decided to take back to the shop....He asked me if I had a map of Murcia and I rushed inside and picked up what I though was a Murcia map.

About 9.30 thet evening his little Fiat Punto pulled up outside and Hervig and Rosa and their 2 Austrian friends(all rather large) popped out of the car....I was drinking wine on the terrace...Hervig staggered towards me mumbleing "CATASTROPHE,CATASTROPHE!!!!!"  "what wrong Hervig" I enquired half smashed, "zis is not ze map of Murcia, zis is a map of  ze Cartagena" said Hervig, "ve haf been allover ze city mit ze wrong map!!! CATASTROPHE!  I imagined a little car full of large Austrians and their german shepard, driving up and down one way streets for hours before they realized. I really felt guilty and so in the night after they had all gone to bed I put the seal back in his noisy pressure washer. 

Hervig was over the moon and I was up again at 6 in the morning!

Oh Gillespie - you are a scream! I was thinking about some of the sotroies from my rental days - I had (still have ) a management and rental agency and we used to deal with some of the large tour operators from UK and ireland.

They would land usually around midnight and hubby and I would sit up on the terrace waiting for calls to come in from lost people etc. By around 3am I felt confident enough to go to sleep and one of us always stayed sober.

One night we had a call, around 12.30/1am from a lady who had finally found her way to the apartment. She rang to complain there werent ENOUGH coat hangers in the wardrobe! (what the hell I was supposed to do at that time of night I have no idea!)

The best one was Dr Kidney (honest, real name!) Young Irish doctor over with her young child and absolute mother from Hell - real battleaxe!

She got to the apartment in Elviria - Hacienda Playa - and rang to complain there was no aircon. All the apartments there have it preinstalled and actually fitted, so we explained this and she told my hubby (a large no nonsense yorkshireman) that he was wrong and we were idiots! So hubby - managing to keep his temper - told her to look for the control. She said he didnt know what he was talking about and that she ws in front of the wall mounted control in the hallway pressing the buttons trying to set the temperature.

Madam - that is the alarm system says hubs - the ac control is a hand held device sitting on top of the TV!

And she swore at him saying she wasnt a stupid woman!

Ha - and to end this I must tell you my kids latest, I was going to put this under a different thread but couldnt think of a suitable one.

My daughter sweet 16 - bless her cotton socks - has been in Spanish schools since we came here since she was 5. She likes to talk to her large family in the UK, based in Hartlepool, especially Grandpa Cliff. Grandma passed away 2 years ago and Grandpa has been poorly lately, but even my medical knowledge was tested when in response to me asking her how Grandpa Cliff was, she announced to us that he has cancer of the clitoris!!!

Just had a pm from another poster here drawing my attention to this from another thread

Quote "hi jeansis     what is your opinion of the arrogant agents on the agents fight back thread. the insulting way they enjoy taking the p*** out of potential customers . I'm not too concerned about being called a punter ,but to think the half wit calling him self an honest agent laughing at the Asians buying double glazing being given a map concerning aids makes the agent a lot worse than the double glazing salesman !   they don't deserve Justin's protection"

Well all I can say is "I hope you get red mite in yer beard matey " bloomin cheek!!

Gillespie - Wots a client??

Justin, yes she took so long I had to go out and fend for myself finding food (in the clothes boutiques)

Why o why do they make skirts for straight up and down shaped people? I never see planks of wood walking down the street....hm well seeing as Im in Banus I take that one back!

He he, I´m sure the rental stories are far funnier cos they all arrive flustered and bewildered on late cheap flights!

Mrs Gillespie did rentals for 4 years and eventually had to stop because of late night arrivals like yours.  Loads of grief for very little or no profit.

Oh Rixxy fancy foregoing lunch to look at clothes instead.... if your not careful you will become size zero, here have another vanilla slice

Who said I didnt eat??? I started off in the shops, finally found a skirt I liked and then had a chicken ceasar salad with Tinto verano followed by a coffee. Sat in the sun reading the daily mail and overhearing the next table closing their business due to quiet!

Dont listen to those others - they are just shocked at hearing the truth.

I remember reading about a guy in the UK an agent who used to sell property who would describe accurately the property ie wouldnt house a cat in it, and windows so rotten the glass was holding them in. He did a roaring trade!

After all there are many decent honest and good buyers, but many are deceitful and timewasting. They think they are here for us to run them around and think nothing of having us out all day then going direct to owners making offers and cutting us out - theyre not so innocent.

Ive had many do that and also had them sit in my office asking me all sorts of information that if they went to a lawyer they would have to pay a couple of hundred euros for

Also sellers making my poor secretary do the legal side of things because they didnt want to pay a lawyer.

No sympathy and I would just delete/ignore them or post their comments on here.

They dont like it do they. I have noticed how some unmentioned regular posters have gone quiet!