Living with the Presidente.

It's THAT time of year AGAIN !!  We've got them ALL.......


So it's a hot day so off we go to the Communal pool.  Shower and attempt to climb down the metal steps...............no chance.............4 kids hanging off them with a definate reluctance to move and giving rather rude finger signs.......................so, lets not cause a fuss..............walk to the other end of the pool and down the ( new ) Roman steps. Well, half way down 'cos a group of lads/men are sitting on the third step down. 
Errrrm.................can I pass you please ?
What ?
I'd like to get in the pool.
Well use the other steps Granny ( Moi ? )
If you could just move over a bit ?
OK Granny ( Moi ? ) we're off for a beer anyway.

They didn't go far, just round the pool side and out came the cans and Yes, there is a notice about only having plastic bottles but no one takes any notice AND they were all bigger than me, so I just swam for a bit.
And it was a bit, because within five minutes they were back, all five of them. One jumped in ( RULE...............NO jumping or diving ) , then the other four bombed the first one ( RULE.........NO bombing ).

Soooooooo, lets break ALL the rules........but  PLEASE  don't drownd Moi while you're doing it !!!!

There followed a hectic game of 'sit on my shoulders' water polo ( with....guess what.?...an inflatable ball ) and most of the pool water was out of the pool AND so were ALL the other swimmers.

Mobile phone ( only a bit wet ) to the ready, quick phone call to the one who must be obeyed ( according to the Horizontal Property Law......it's unfortunate that most people have never read it !! ) and enter El Presidente..................

Well it only took five minutes and a lot of rude words ( NOT from El Presidente, of course ) to resolve the situation and I thought that was that !!!

WRONG.

When we returned later that night from our local quiz ( ok, so it was 1am !! ) there was a note stuck under our door informing us that some tenants ( guess which ones ) were throwing lit cigarette ends and empty cans from their balcony into the pool. And sure enough, floating in the pool were several beer cans. The cigarette butts didn't go as far but there were several on the pathway by the pool.

So, El Presidente e mailed the owner to tell him that there had been complaints.

Apparently the tenants have moved out ( yes, they were the ones in the pool doing the bombing ) and the owner wanted to know how El Presidente knew who had chucked stuff over the balcony as he was not actually there and how much beer had actually gone into the pool ?
AND perhaps they had done it by accident ?? 

So it makes a difference how much beer is thrown into the pool then ?? Just how much is acceptable ?? Perhaps I'll find the answer in the Horizontal Property Law ??
                                 
                                    Holiday Maker's Motto
            
                             

I hate tea.

I drink black coffee and fruit tea but I cannot stand that murky brown stuff which everyone else seems so fond of.

I hate the smell of it and I NEVER make it if I can get out of it..................so why, today have I found myself making seemingly endless cups of the damn stuff?

YES...............it's for the 'workers'....................why can't El Presidente make it ?................well all you need to do to get the answer to that is to read Justin's post about the little room next to the lounge with the two white boxes in it, and you will know what I'm talking about !!!

El Presidente ( in conjunction with a fair number of the masculine variety ) does NOT DO KITCHEN !!

I told him, El Presidente..................I DO NOT DO TEA !!

Then I went and put the kettle on.............................. what a good Mrs Presidente I am !!

I WANT ONE OF THESE................................

So far, minus El Presidente, I have had 5 owners who don't seem to be too happy about the fence and 18 who have phoned or rung the doorbell to say how good it is that the work is starting and won't it be nice when it's done.  

SO..................I'm off to the beach......................................Bye ....................

Presidente popped back to make tea for the workers.

Son and granddaughter arrived last night, visited the pool this am, gone for a walk now then off to beach about 4ish ( preferably with El Presidente )

So while I'm on my own ( again ) I thought I'd make the Spaghetti Bolognaise for tea.

Chopped onions and peppers and chucked ( technical cookery speak ) in hot oil to fry.

Phone rings......and like a fool, I took the pan off the hob and answered it.

'I don't like that fence'.
Why ?
' It's green and I don't like green'.
But it matches the pool fence and that's green.
'Colour needs changing, can't you ( moi ? )  paint it ?'

Quick...............the swear box !!

Put the pan back on the hob.............sizzle, sizzle...........add the mince...............doorbell rings.............

'Have you got a minute ? ( NO ).......rush to take pan OFF AGAIN..................

'It's about this fence',  ( what a surprise !! ) ' is it going to be all the way around and are you ( moi ? ) going to knock the wall down ?'
No, we are putting railings on the existing wall to match the ones on the balconies, you know, you voted for it at the AGM.
'Not me, I don't want it'. 
Tough......................thought, not said !!

Pan on, add tomatoes and seasoning..................doorbell again, pan off.................

'You're not putting gates on the end are you ?'
Yes.
'Why ?'
to make the Community as safe as we can.
'But will you be locking the gates ?'
Yes, but you will all have a key to the pedestrian gate.
' But what if I loose it ? '
Have you lost your main door key ?
'No'.
Well it will be the same key.
' Oh, that's ok then'.

Pan back on....................

Phone rings...........pan off............

'What's this about a fence, why wasn't I told ?'
Did you get the minutes of the last AGM ?
' Yes, but I'm not talking about them, why wasn't I told about the fence ?'
It was in the last AGM minutes and in the AGM minutes the year before that.
' But why didn't you write to inform me that the fence was being put up today ?'

There are two SMALL words which will necessitate the use of my swear box AGAIN.

Well, here we are again. El Presidente is missing and he has been missing since 9am and it is now 11.22am. Has he taken his mobile ? NO. Are there dishes in the sink ? YES.

They are starting to erect the fencing around our perimeter road today. In the planning of this, there was a lot of discussion about a piece of land to the side of the apartments which did not belong to us but which ( according to the ex presidente ) would be ours in 2 years if we tidied it up and planted it. ( he believed in the tooth fairy too !! )

A couple of owners seemed to be keen gardeners ( for me apartment living has the bonus of NO garden, but each to thier own ) so they set about this task with gusto and achieved a nice garden area which still belongs to someone else !!

Also from some apartments, this garden area is thier view so it was decided at AGM not to continue the brick wall which surrounds most of the building ( why the origional builder did not complete this wall is anybodies guess !!) and put up a wire fence, so these owners could still see this garden area................which is NOT ours !!..................in fact, we are told the land belongs to the town hall and they may eventually use it to build a sanitation station ( can't wait ), but Hey Ho, this is a democratic Urb so we get a fence so that we can always see the sanitation station IF 'they' build it.

So this morning ( after 2 years waiting for AGM agreement, AGM proposal agreement  for collecting the money to do the job with, planning permission and the builder being ready to start ) we are off !!

Now bear in mind, this project has been on two lots of AGM minutes and numerous committee meeting minutes ( which are displayed on the notice board each month ) and the fact that owners have contributed money wise to this project, you would have thought everything would be hunky dory ? WRONG.

El Presidente had not been gone ten minutes when the phone rang.

'What's going on outside ? I want to speak to the Presidente and can you hurry up because I'm speaking from England'.
Well  Hello to you too and it's lovely to hear from you.
'Come on then, where is the Presidente?'
Well at the moment he's with the people who are erecting the fencing, shall I get him to ring you back ?
'No, I want to speak to him now. I don't agree with this b***** fence and I want it stopped'.
Did you object when you got your minutes 2 years ago or when you got last years minutes ?
'I'm f****** objecting now'.
I'll pass your message on then shall I ?
( just out of interest, someone from here must has phoned this person to tell them the work had started this morning, WHY )

Door bell rings.......................I've got my washing out, these people won't make any dust will they ? 
I suspect they will cos they have to cut into the curb to erect the fence which is what you wanted isn't it ?
Well yes, but I don't want muck on my clean washing.
( answer, not said, but thought.............Well take it in then !! )

Phone rings again. Same person.
' Is he back yet, I want to speak to him now'.
Sorry he's still missing but I will tell him you've called.
'This is no f****** good I want to speak to someone who knows what they are talking about ( EXCUSE ME ??? )
'I'll ring back in a minute, make sure he's there'.

WHERE IS THAT SWEAR BOX ???

No Presidente.

Phone rings again.................................I answer.....................................

WE ARE UNAVAILABLE AT THE MOMENT, PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE.

Translated as , bugger off and leave me alone.    ( AND the Presidente is still not back !! )

Two years ago we noticed some pigeon droppings on the private solariums.

Then we found the pigeons..........................one of our owners had built pigeon coops ( or whatever they are called ) on his solarium. There were 5 and we were assured they were for showing and did not fly.

Ok..............it's his solarium and he said he had all the right paperwork...............but we didn't think to ask how the droppings had got all over the place when we hade been assured that the pigeons did not fly.

Two years on, we have had numerous complaints and there are now 50 pigeons living on that solarium which is also the roof of our apartment block.

AND THEY FLY AND THEY DO PIGEON DOODOO ALL OVER THE PLACE:

So the problema raised it's head at the AGM. Yes, it was agreed to take action against the pigeon owner, who had failed to come to a meeting the previous year ( he had requested a meeting to sort it out ) and he refuses to show us his paperwork and licenses.

There has been numerous suggestions for the elimination of the pigeon problema, renging from shotgun to catapult, but fortunately ( for the pigeons ) no one has taken the law into their own hands.

So far we seem to be stuck ( to the pigeon doo doo !! ) and you know what it's like in Spain........mañana.........but sometimes...............mañana never comes !!

I don't think anyone has anything against the pigeons or their owner but the droppings and feathers, not to mention the aroma are a real problema, especially to those living nearby.

SO......................................................  ANYONE  ????

We have a no smoking rule in our pool....................not in the pool surround area BUT in the pool itself................you know, actually in the water.

This rule is ( or should be ) displayed in every apartment. I know each apartment had a copy of the rules because me and El Presidente shoved a copy in a plastic folder under EACH AND EVERY DOOR.
The rules are also displayed on the notice board and on the signs in the pool area.
Of course...........nobody reads the rules and anyway they NEVER think they're anything to do with 'them'.
We don't stop smoking on the pool side and we provide ash pots filled with sand for the ash and stubs.

El Presidente and myself thought we'd go for a dip this morning, in the pool.

And YES..................you've got it................there was a lady ( not the same one who had no clothes on the other day ) swimming in the shallow end of the pool with a ciggie in her mouth !!!

So I said to El Presidente.............shall I shower ( I'm a good Mrs Presidente's wife and ALWAYS obey the shower before you swim rule !! ) then jump in on her and squash the life out of her AND her fag ??
NO says El Presidente................jumping in is against the rules.

El President then entered the pool WITHOUT a shower......................OK.................I just accidently fell against him while I was chatting to him .....................what can you do ?? It was totally accidental !! ( good job we were at the deep end by then )

The lady had finished her ciggie by the time El Presidente coughed and spluttered to the shallow end to remind her about the no smoking in the pool rule.

El Presidente does not look half as officious when he's wet !!

I do not have a problem with topless sunbathing and neither does El Presidente !!
Neither do we have a problem with nude sunbathing as long as it's on a nudist beach so people can choose whether or not they want to be there.
BUT both El Presidente and myself have a problem with nude sunbathing on a ground floor apartment balcony !!

YES......................it happens here !!

It was unfortunate that the lady in question was somewhat inebriated so having a rational conversation was impeded by the large bottle of creme de something in her hand and by this time she was no longer stretched out on the balcony floor in the altogether but approaching El Presidente with great rapidity.

EXIT El Presidente !!  

ENTER El Presidente's wife ( me ). 

'Do you think you copuld put some clothes on?'.....................'No I don't want a drink thankyou, it's only 9 o'clock in the morning'.....................'Yes, I know it's hot but you really should put at least a bikini on'........................'What, you're waiting for your boyfriend?' .....................' I hope he's got some clothes on'................' What do you mean, he hasn't'.....................
' Oh, he's here.......................and NO HE HASN'T GOT ANY CLOTHES ON !!! '

EXIT El Presidente's wife.

The rule is......................you MUST shower before entering the Communal pool. I'm pretty sure that most of them don't.

But as El Presidente is not the 'pool police' and does not  wish to sit on poolside all day to ensure everybody obeys all the rules ( why not, I say ? )

There was agreat commotion in the pool area last night about 8ish apparently. Our apartment is on the opposite side to the pool so we don't necessarily know what's going on at any given time.................but sure as eggs are eggs........somebody will tell us !!
Sure enough, the phone rang and simultaniously, the doorbell rang and the intercom blared out, must be the start of World War 3 then ? NO. MUCH WORSE !!
'That woman is in the shower washing her hair'. OK, what's the problem ?? 'She's in the Community shower washing her hair, that's Community water she's using'.
Did you tell her she's not supposed to do that asks El presidente?
'No..............you're the Presidente, not me, you tell her'.
Well, as an owner, you could have spoken to her about it, says the Presidente.

'No F****** chance mate, she's got NO CLOTHES ON !!! '

Exit El Presidente's wife to ask the woman nicely if she would care to use the shower in her own apartment and not the Community shower for her ablutions.

Sure enough, there she was in the all together with shampoo and shower gel everywhere ( and TALCOM POWDER at the ready )

This is not a good idea, says I, use your own shower please, not the Community shower.

Her response ??...............................'I pay my Community fees so I can do what I want.'

Where's the 'swear box?'  AND where do I look in The Horizontal property Law for the answer to this ???

The man was due to come and fix the mangled door closer yesterday, in fact, he should have been here last week, but must have been detained by freak rainstorms or strong winds. Anyway, he said he was coming yesterday. He phoned about 2ish and said he'd been unavoidably detained, but he would be there tomorrow ( today )
So El Presidente and myself went to the beach yesterday afternoon and it was lovely.
There was nothing on the doorstep when we got home, BUT pushed UNDER the door was a note.....................To the Presidente......the garage door does not work and I don't want to get out of my car to open and close it..( Durr !!)................... But we'd just come through it and it worked then.
So off went El Predidente ( no dishes in the sink this time ) to sort it out.
Apparently the electronic garage door opened but would not close..................then if you stood on the inside the door would not open.
The other garage door has been out of use since the last heavy rainfall when the force of the water buckled the gate and broke the lock. 
El Presidente phoned the builder this morning and yes, he will come and fix it. When?...................Mañana.
Meanwhile some LuLu has broken the already broken but closed ,lock on the other gate and it is swinging to and fro like a swingboat. ( WHY )
So El Presidente phoned the builder again and yes he will fix it. When?....................Mañana.

On a lighter note someone asked me if I thought a 'pool party' was a good idea this morning......................it was unfortunate that the person who asked me this was floating round the pool on an inflatable.....................so my answer was MOST un-Presidente's wife like....................more fish wife !!

AND still the man has not been to fix the mangled door closer !!   Mañana ????