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More, I'd just come in from a celebration party and couldn't go to bed because my mind was too far awake, consequently I went to bed around 3.30, but could only manage cat naps and so did not get up unril mid morning myself!!!!!!!!
Julia
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I always hated the London Underground but THIS beats that, hands down. 
Wished it had an embed code but it didn't.
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This beats the germans bagging the sunbeds. They really must be desperate to travel like that!
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I am passing this on to you because it worked for me, and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a medical TV show, I have finally found deep inner peace. A doctor proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.
So , I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off :
a bottle of Merlot
a bottle of Shhhardonay
a bodle of Baileys
a butle of vocka
a pockage of Prunglies
tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins
the res of the tchesescke an a box a choqolettss.
Yu haf no idr who bloudee gud I fel. Peas sen dis orn to ennyun yu fee ar in ned ov inr pece.
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Carnation Milk 65 Years Ago ...This is PRICELESS
A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family
dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard
work and little compensation.
When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in
approximately the 1940s, she read an advertisement offering
$5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning
with 'Carnation Milk is best of all.'
She thought to herself, I know all about milk and dairy farms.
I can do this!
She sent in her entry, and several weeks later, a black limo pulled
up in front of her house.
A man got out and said, 'Carnation LOVED your entry so much,
we are here to award you $2,000 even though we will not be able to use it!'
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Loved this More.! Off to Spain tomorrow, although the weather forecast is good for Uk, but rain for Spain! But what the heck itis a well needed change of scene. Pity it is only for a week this time.
Julia
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Loved this More.! Off to Spain tomorrow, although the weather forecast is good for Uk, but rain for Spain! But what the heck itis a well needed change of scene. Pity it is only for a week this time.
Julia
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Have a brill holiday, Julia. Take care & have one for me.
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This message was last edited by morerosado on 5/31/2008.
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A young man named Gordon bought a donkey from an old farmer for
£100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day, but when
the farmer drove up he said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news...
the donkey is on my truck, but unfortunately he's dead."
Gordon replied, "Well then, just give me my money back." The farmer
said, "I can't do that, because I've spent it already."
Gordon said, "OK then, well just unload the donkey anyway." The farmer
asked, "What are you going to do with him?"
Gordon answered, "I'm going to raffle him off." To which the farmer
exclaimed, "Surely you can't raffle off a dead donkey!" But Gordon,
with a wicked smile on his face said, "Of course I can, you watch me. I just
won't bother to tell anybody that he's dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Gordon and asked, "What happened
with that dead donkey?" Gordon said, "I raffled him off, sold 500
tickets at two pounds a piece, and made a huge, fat profit!!"
Totally amazed, the farmer asked, "Didn't anyone complain that you had
stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?" To
which Gordon replied, "The only guy who found out about the donkey being
dead was the raffle winner when he came to claim his prize. So I gave him his
£2 raffle ticket money back plus an extra £200, which as you know is
double the going rate for a donkey, so he thought I was a great guy!!"
Gordon grew up and eventually became the Chancellor of the Exchequer,
and no matter how many times he lied, or how much money he stole from
the British voters, as long as he gave them back some of the stolen
money, most of them, unfortunately, still thought he was a great guy.
The moral of this story is that, if you think Gordon is about to play
fair and do something for the everyday people of the country for once
in his miserable, lying life, think again my friend, because you'll be
better off flogging a dead donkey!
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 ' Do unto others as you would be done by'
Now a non-smoker ! 
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Received this today from a friend in US. Tried to tidy it up but failed
JUST A MOM?
A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk 's office,
was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.
She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
'What I mean is, ' explained the recorder,
'do you have a job or are you just a ...?'
'Of course I have a job,' snapped the woman.
'I'm a Mom.'
'We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it,'
Said the recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.
The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like,
'Official Interrogator' or 'Town Registrar.'
'What is your occupation?' she probed.
What made me say it? I do not know.
The words simply popped out.
'I'm a Research Associate in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations.'
The clerk paused, ball -point pen frozen in midair and
looked up as though she had not heard right.
I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words.
Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written,
in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
'Might I ask,' said the clerk with new interest,
'just what you do in your field?'
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice,
I heard myself reply,
'I have a continuing program of research,
(what mother doesn't)
In the laboratory and in the field,
(normally I would have said indoors and out.)
I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family)
and already have four credits (all daughters).
Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities,
(any mother care to disagree?)
and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).
But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.'
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she
completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career,
I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.
Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model,
(a 6 month old baby) in the child development program,
testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!
And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than 'just another Mom.' Motherhood!
What a glorious career!
Especially when there's a title on the door.
Does this make grandmothers
'Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations' And great grandmothers
'Executive Senior Research Associates?'
I think so!!!
I also think it makes Aunts Associate Research Assistants.'
Please send this to another Mom,
Grandmother, Aunt, And other friends you know.
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That's cheered me up a bit Karen. Been feeling a bit down today.CBS withdrawal symptons I think.
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If you're going through hell keep on going, you might get out before the devil even knows you're there.
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Girlie Wisdom!
Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.
A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.
One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knicker's.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' ......Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!
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' Do unto others as you would be done by'
Now a non-smoker !
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Bet you would like to share a coffee cream with him Karen. 
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If you're going through hell keep on going, you might get out before the devil even knows you're there.
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Sorry.................won't SHARE coffee creams with any one!!
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' Do unto others as you would be done by'
Now a non-smoker !
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You might not see the pics..................but the words are good!!
Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:
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FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
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PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.
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TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated
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HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.
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SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
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WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
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TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
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EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
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HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
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THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying |
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' Do unto others as you would be done by'
Now a non-smoker !
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If you don't get the pics,,,,just look at the words!!
When I was in my younger days,
I weighed a few pounds less,
I needn't hold my tummy in
to wear a belted dress.
But now that I am older,
I've set my body free;
There's comfort of elastic
Where once my waist would be.
Inventor of those high-heeled shoes
My feet have not forgiven;
I have to wear a nine now,
But used to wear a seven.
And how about those blasted tights --
They're sized by weight, you see,
So how come when I put them on
The crotch is at my knee?
I need to wear these glasses
As the print's been getting smaller;
And it wasn't very long ago
I know that I was taller.
Though my hair has turned to grey
and my skin no longer fits,
On the inside, I'm the same old me,
the outside's changed a bit.
But, on a positive note...
I've learned that no matter what happens,
or how bad it seems today,
life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things:
a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents,
you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.
I've learned that making a "living" is
not the same thing as making a "life."
I've learned that life sometimes
gives you a second chance.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life
just being a doormat.
You need to be able to throw something back.
I've learned that whenever I decide something
with an open heart,
I usually make the right decision.
I've learned that even when I have pains,
I don't have to be one.
I've learned that every day you should reach out
and touch someone.
People love a warm hug,
or just a friendly pat on the back.
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.
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' Do unto others as you would be done by'
Now a non-smoker !
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