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>> A SERIOUS ONE!!!!
>>
>> WARN YOUR WIVES/GIRLFRIENDS AND DAUGHTERS
>>
>> Bottled water left in the sun in your car is very dangerous
>> to woman!!!!
>> This is how Sheryl Crow got breast cancer. She was on the
>> Ellen show and
>> said this same exact thing. This has been identified as the
>> most common
>> cause of the high levels in breast cancer, especially in
>> Australia...
>>
>> A friend whose mother was recently diagnosed with breast
>> cancer. The
>> Doctor told her: women should not drink bottled water that
>> has been left
>> in a car.
>>
>> The doctor said that the heat and the plastic of the bottle
>> have certain
>> chemicals that can lead to breast cancer. So please be
>> careful and do
>> not drink bottled water that has been left in a car, and,
>> pass this on
>> to all the women in your life. This information is the kind
>> we need to
>> know and be aware and just might save us!!!! The heat
>> causes toxins from
>> the plastic to leak into the water and they have found
>> these toxins in
>> breast tissue.. Use a stainless steel Canteen or a glass
>> bottle when you
>> can!!!
_______________________
 ' Do unto others as you would be done by'
Now a non-smoker ! 
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Peter invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal; his mother couldn't help but notice
how lovely Peter's flat mate, Joanne, was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more
between Peter and his flat mate than met the eye.
Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates'.
About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?'
'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure' said Peter.
So he sat down and wrote. . .
DEAR MOTHER,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE. I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE
FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.
LOVE PETER
Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read. . .
DEAR SON,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING PAN BY NOW.
LOVE MUM
Lesson of the day,
'NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER'
_______________________
' Do unto others as you would be done by'
Now a non-smoker !
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I know I posted this months ago but many won't have seen it & it's far too funny to miss so here it is again.
This is one for the ladies..........
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(Apparently!) This is an actual letter sent to Proctor & Gamble
TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER
BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE
Dear Mr.. Thatcher
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horse riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my 'time of the month' is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realise it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that the UK is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you +**#ing kidding me?
What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?
Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Nurofen and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Tesco's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put Down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong'?- Or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an £8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
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........didn't he get lost in the desert?...........................ah, no. That was another useless thatcher!
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Fancy a coffee ? Come on then, free coffees. 
1. CLICK ON THE LINK (COFFEE MACHINE BELOW)
2. PUT THE COIN IN THE VENDING MACHINE
3. CHOOSE YOUR DRINK
4. CLICK ON THE CUP WHEN IT IS READY
5 CLICK ON 'OPEN'
Enjoy. Don't forget to click on "OPEN" !!
COFFEE MACHINE
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morerosado
nice one. I think John Smiths beer use that little chap? Do you the difference between John Smiths beer and making love in a boat?
.......there both F***ing close to water!
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Goodstich, after drinking the Spanish beers any beer here tastes like water.
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morerosado
not if you are talking real ale. I like the Spanish stuff, but its all chilled lager type beer as far as i know. Very refreshing in the heat and strong, but a bit tame tasting and characterless compared to a good English Ale like Fullers ESB or my local tiny Northampton brewery ''Frog Island''. They do a dark ale called ''Croak and Stagger'' Great in our temperature, would be awful in Spains weather (unless up north of course) They may even have real ale up there?
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Didn't want to start a new thread but thought this was something to think about. I've just read it and although the writer is obviously in the USA the content appears relevant to any woman. A bit long I'm afraid.
Women and heart attacks (myocardial infarction). Did you know that women rarely have the same dramatic symptoms that men have when experiencing heart attack ... you know, the sudden stabbing pain in the chest, the cold sweat, grabbing the chest & dropping to the floor that we see in the movies. Here is the story of one woman's experience with a heart attack.
'I had a heart attack at about 10 :30 PM with NO prior exertion, NO prior emotional trauma that one would suspect might've brought it on. I was sitting all snugly & warm on a cold evening, with my purring cat in my lap, reading an interesting story my friend had sent me, and actually thinking, 'A-A-h, this is the life, all cozy and warm in my soft, cushy Lazy Boy with my feet propped up.
A moment later, I felt that awful sensation of indigestion, when you've been in a hurry and grabbed a bite of sandwich and washed it down with a dash of water, and that hurried bite seems to feel like you've swallowed a golf ball going down the esophagus in slow motion and it is most uncomfortable. You realize you shouldn't have gulped it down so fast and needed to chew it more
thoroughly and this time drink a glass of water to hasten its progress down to the stomach. This was my initial sensation---the only trouble was that I hadn't taken a bite of anything since about 5:00 p.m.
After it seemed to subside, the next sensation was like little squeezing motions that seemed to be racing up my SPINE
(hind-sight, it was probably my aorta spasming), gaining speed as they continued racing up and under my sternum (breast bone,
where one presses rhythmically when administering CPR).
This fascinating process continued on into my throat and branched out into both jaws. 'AHA!! NOW I stopped puzzling about what was happening -- we all have read and/or heard about pain in the jaws being one of the signals of an MI happening, haven't we?! I said aloud to myself and the cat, Dear God, I think I'm having a heart attack!
I lowered the footrest, dumping the cat from my lap, started to take a step and fell on the floor instead. I thought to myself: If this is a heart attack, I shouldn't be walking into the next room where the phone is or anywhere else ... But, on the other hand, if I don't, nobody will know that I need help, and if I wait any longer I may not be able to get up in a moment. I pulled myself up with the arms of the chair, walked slowly into the next room and dialed the Paramedics ... I told her I thought I was having a heart attack due to the pressure building under the sternum and radiating into my jaws. I didn't feel hysterical or afraid, just stating the facts. She said she was sending the Paramedics over immediately, asked if the front door was near to me, and if so, to unbolt the door and then lie down on the floor where they could see me when they came in.
I unlocked the door and then laid down on the floor as instructed and lost consciousness, as I don't remember the medics coming in, their examination, lifting me onto a gurney or getting me into their ambulance, or hearing the call they made to St. Jude ER on the way, but I did briefly awaken when we arrived and saw that the Cardiologist was already there in his surgical blues and cap, helping the medics pull my stretcher out of the ambulance. He was bending over me asking questions (probably something like 'Have you taken any medications?') but I couldn't make my mind interpret what he was saying, or form an answer, and nodded off again, not waking up until the Cardiologist and partner had already threaded the teeny angiogram balloon up my femoral artery into the aorta and into my heart where they installed 2 side by side stents to hold open my right coronary artery.
'I know it sounds like all my thinking and actions at home must have taken at least 20-30 minutes before calling the Paramedics, but actually it took perhaps 4-5 minutes before the call, and both the fire station and St. Jude are only minutes away from my home, and my Cardiologist was all ready to go to the OR in his scrubs and get going on restarting my heart (which had stopped somewhere between my arrival and the procedure) and installing the stents.
'Why have I written all of this to you with so much detail? Because I want all of you who are so important in my life to know what I learned first hand.'
1. Be aware that something very different is happening in your body, not the usual men's symptoms, but inexplicable things happening (until my sternum and jaws got into the act). It is said
that many more women than men die of their first (and last) MI
because they didn't know they were having one and commonly mistake it as indigestion, take some Maalox or other anti-heartburn preparation and go to bed, hoping they'll feel better in the morning when they wake up ... which doesn't happen. My female friends, your symptoms might not be exactly like mine, so I
advise you to call the Paramedics if ANYTHING is unpleasantly happening that you've not felt before. It is better to have a 'false alarm' visitation than to risk your life guessing what it might be!
2. Note that I said 'Call the Paramedics.' And if you can take an aspirin, ladies, TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! Do NOT try to drive yourself to the ER - you are a hazard to others on the road. Do NOT have your panicked husband drive you, who will be speeding and looking anxiously at what's happening with you instead of the road. Do NOT call your doctor -- he doesn't know where you live and, if it's at night, you won't reach him anyway, and if it's daytime, his assistants (or answering service) will tell you to call the Paramedics. He doesn't carry the equipment in his car that you need to be saved! The Paramedics do, principally OXYGEN that you need ASAP. Your Dr. will be notified later.
3. Don't assume it couldn't be a heart attack because you have a normal cholesterol count. Research has discovered that a
cholesterol elevated reading is rarely the cause of an MI (unless it's unbelievably high and/or accompanied by high blood pressure) MIs are usually caused by long-term stress and
inflammation in the body, which dumps all sorts of deadly hormones into your system to sludge things up in there. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive.
A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.
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Mother
This is a truly BEAUTIFUL piece. Please
read this at a slow pace, digesting every word and in
Leisure...do not hurry....this is a treasure...
For those lucky to still be blessed with your Mum,
this is beautiful. For those of us who aren't, this is
even more beautiful. For those who are mums, you'll love this.
The young mother set her foot on the path of life. 'Is
this the long way?' she asked. And the guide said: 'Yes, and the way is hard
And you will be old before you reach the end of it.. But
the end will be better than the beginning.'
But the young mother was happy, and she would not
believe that anything could be better than these years. So she
played with her children, and gathered flowers for
them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and
the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried,
'Nothing will ever be lovelier than this.'
Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was
dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother
drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said,
'Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come.'
And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and
the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary.
But at all times she said to the children,' A little patience and we are there.'
So the children climbed, and when they reached the top
they said, 'Mother, we would not have done it without you
And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up
at the stars and said, 'This is a better day than the last, for my
children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage.
Today, I've given them strength.'
And the next day came strange clouds which darkened
the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped
and stumbled, and the mother said: 'Look up. Lift your eyes to the light.
' And the children looked and saw above the clouds
an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the
darkness. And that night the Mother said,
'This is the best day of all, for
I have shown my children God.'
And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and
the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent.
But her children were tall and strong, and walked with
courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her,
for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill,
and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And
mother said, 'I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end
is better than the beginning, for my children can
walk alone, and their children after them.'
And the children said, 'You will always walk with us,
Mother, even when you have gone through the gates.'
And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates
closed after her. And they said: 'We cannot see her
but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She
is a living presence.......'
Your Mother is always with you.... She's the whisper
of the leaves as you walk down the street; she's the smell of bleach
in your freshly laundered socks; she's the cool hand
on your brow when you're not well. Your Mother lives
inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop.
She's the place you came from, your first home; and
she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love
and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can
separate you.
Not time, not space... not even death!
This message was last edited by morerosado on 9/30/2008.
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Dear Friend,
I want to thank you one and all for the e-mails you have forwarded to
me over the past year.
I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat shit
in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet
sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same
reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl
(Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th
time. But that will change once I receive the £15,000 that Bill
Gates/Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email
programmes. Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split
seven million pounds with me for pretending to be a long lost relative
of a customer who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me.
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to
seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the
car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back sea t when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore and Uzbekistan, and even Falkirk
I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider
is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
bites my
bum.
I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because
it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car
to grab my leg.
If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will shit on your head at 5:00pm
this afternoon and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing
you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
beautician.
By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
discovered that people with low IQ who don't have enough sex, always
read their emails while holding the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!!!
Regards,
Your friend
_______________________
' Do unto others as you would be done by'
Now a non-smoker !
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Although the link is horrific, thank you for posting it.......................EVERYONE should look and take note.
_______________________
' Do unto others as you would be done by'
Now a non-smoker !
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_______________________
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Fantastic! Made the hair on the back on my neck stand up. Hope she goes far.
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Quite frankly m'dear, I don't give a damn!
www.herbalmarbella.com
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Thanks for sharing that with us, More. A very moving video. Let's hope that she goes all the way to the final.
Sue
PS Hope that you noticed I changed my signature!
_______________________
Sue Walker
Author of "Retiring the Ole Way", now available on Amazon
See my blog about our life in Spain: www.spainuncovered.com
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