WRITER'S FORUM

My Foot in Mouth Time
Sunday, August 28, 2011

When driving home from university each weekend my son and I occasionally passed the time by guessing the gender of car drivers’ way up front. We usually got it right simply by observing the way the car was driven. The ladies tended to drive more cautiously and were inclined to take the outside lane several miles before they were due to turn off.

A generalisation I know but to me at least; and do feel free to disagree, the men compose music and women dance to it. There is only one thing more beautiful than a waltz, ballet or tango; any dance for that matter. It is the dancer. I know men dance too but to me they are no more than what frames are to portraits. They are supporting roles. Credit where it is due; there are some things women are better at and it works both ways.

What has this get to do with a writers’ blog? I am coming to it; do have a little patience. As a rule of the thumb I can guess the gender of an author, not from the cover but from the writing style of the novel’s content. Now that doesn’t suggest for a moment that men are better writers than women or vice versa. I just believe, rightly or wrongly, that their take on things are different. Women writers tend to be focused on relationships; romance and emotional conundrums. Men appear to prefer writing about spearing fuzzy-wuzzies or checking if women have round heels.

This difference will not be as noticeable in a kitchen sink drama or soap opera but let us take masculine books like The Wild Geese, Zulu; the Wilbur Smith novels and those of Robert Ludlum. I find it an amusing pastime to imagine how they would read if re-written by women authors. This again is not an aspersion for what male writers could hope to match the female greats; Agatha Christie, Barbara Cartland and J K Rowling?

I was born to parents who loved literature. Among other notables my father was a friend of Irish playwright Sean O’Casey and soldiered with Ernest Hemingway during Spain’s Civil War. You could read a poem to my mother and she would immediately identify the poet; read her a paragraph from a Dickens novel; the title and even the chapter would be immediately identified. She never got it wrong. Dad preferred male authors; mother was happy with either.

Now I come to the scary bit where I could possibly shoot myself in the foot. I was once approached by a gentleman who had led a truly masculine life. A raconteur and entrepreneur he was a dead ringer for Sean Connery and had rubbed shoulders with super stars. I lost the draw – stuff happens: He placed his memoirs with a lady ghost-writer.

I am sure it will turn out well but I couldn’t help wondering: Whereas editing is mechanical and gender doesn’t come into it, can the same be said for a re-written novel or memoirs? Can a woman writer see things through a man’s thought processes? Can she possibly empathise emotionally with a man; especially a red-blooded male and his philandering lifestyle?

The same question might be asked if turned around. Can a male ghost-writer emotionally become a woman when re-writing novels penned by female writers? I have had no complaints so far and so, Jilly Cooper; I am ready to take you on, dear.

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My Book! Where do we go from here?
Monday, August 22, 2011

For new authors at least there seems to be some confusion as to what happens next. Most who get in touch fall into three categories: 1) They have a book in them and wonder if there is mileage in it? 2) They have part written a book and are floundering. 3) They have written their book; where do we go from here?

The structure, for all three, is much the same so why complicate matters. Those who keep abreast of such things know it has never been easier or cheaper for new authors to get published. Change means a book buying bonanza for book readers; an entirely new market for authors previously rejected by elitist publishing houses. You are now your own publisher and with a little help you are now in charge. If you haven’t the confidence to go for it then how could you expect publishers to back your book?

Size does matter. Your average paperback is about 80,000 words; Mills & Boon; perfectly acceptable novels, are about 50,000 words in length. There is no point in over-egging it.

First of all you get it written, or at least a substantial part of it; let’s say 20,000 words. Write it as you would tell your story to yourself or to a close friend. Remember, a writer is only doing with their fingers what you do all day with your tongue. Let me see all or part of it. I will give you an honest opinion. Relax; I am friendly, diplomatic and positive. If I think it hasn’t a chance I will tell you. Otherwise I will tell you what it needs for it to succeed.

Chances are you will need it ghost-written. Free of charge I will take a section of what you have written and ghost-write it. If you like it then give me the go-ahead. I then ghost-write your novel and I get paid in sections; usually every 15,000 words.

I will, without departing from the script, write it as it should be written; adding flair; editing and correcting. When it is completed you will say: “Wow! Did I really write that?” Yes, you get the credit. You know the rates; €20 / £20 per 1,000 words. I am worth much more so it is best not to hang about. As soon as I can I am putting my fees up. There is honesty for you.

You end up with a beautifully written ready for publication novel; calculate the cost per 1,000 words. If it is 60,000 words then it is 60 x €20 = €1,200. Don’t wince: most charge treble or more and yes, they are worth every penny.

You are nearly there. If you wish I pass your completed book to Keidi Keating; the Word Queen. For €600, my clients only; she does the lot. Publishes conventionally; and puts it on Amazon – Kindle, which sells 80 percent of books these days. (Only 1 percent of books are sold through bookshops). All you do is relax and watch your book sell at a far higher profit than the lousy 10 percent offered by conventional publishing houses.

Is the outlay worth it? Let us keep things in perspective. Doing it the old way meant weeks, months; even years posting heavy ink-stained manuscripts to publishing houses. Many weren’t even acknowledged or returned; most received a pre-printed rejection slip. Few made it. This way everyone makes it.

If you were one of the few who were published you were lucky to receive 10 percent of the cover price. Well known writers might receive just a few thousand for a year’s work. You have invested, let’s say €2,000. People spend that on a cruise, or mountaineering equipment, and have only photographs to show for it.

You are a published author; your book will be read and enjoyed long after you are kicking up the daisies. Chances are you will get most or all your money back through sales; most will make a handsome profit. That sounds like a bargain book to me. – Michael.

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PAUSE FOR BREATH?
Sunday, August 14, 2011

In my last article I introduced you to Richard Heeney’s book, In My Own Words: Still Running. It brought the highest number of readers so far to our Writers and Storytellers Community. Nearly 500 people clicked on during the eight days since it was posted. It brought a warm-hearted response and Richard passes his thanks on. I am looking forward to his next book – I think! I do hope it is not as heart-rending.

Following its publication, and that of Will Murphy’s A Matter of Trust, another client’s book was published in August. Lily Trainor’s A Revolution in Love is perhaps the best publicised book but that is due to Lily’s driving ambition. I think we can expect news of Chris Nand’s Return to Devil’s Island blockbuster soon. The truth being stranger than fiction there is a fascinating tale behind that story; which I think will get Mediterranean Spain talking and scratching their heads but more of that another time.

At present I am editing Britt Arenander’s Lux Divina. This is a gripping novel; a journey into past lives that leaves me enthralled. Simultaneously I am working on Frederick Crowson’s Rutter’s Raj. This is the true chronicle of this Costa Blanca writer’s grandfather’s exploits from the time he enlisted in Queen Victoria’s Army to the day of his discharge. It is a fascinating insight into Army life during the British Empire from the perspective of ordinary soldiers; a world as different from ours as can be imagined.

Another I derive much enjoyment from is Pam Cook’s unfolding story of her days as a nurse. I suggested its title might be Angels of Mercy. The jury is out on that one. Pam thinks the title might place nurses on an undeserved pedestal. If so then it seems I can look forward to some tut-tut content. Good!

Keidi Keating, the Word Queen, has been on a fortnight’s camping break in Canada. Keidi picks up where I leave off if you wish her to. She is the lady who, for quite a modest fee (check what others charge), can have your book not only conventionally published but also market it on Amazon. For my clients and our community she will also put it on Kindle free of charge. All you need do is sit back and watch sales of your book whilst topping your bank account up. There is no tiresome wandering around retailers asking them to take your book sale or return.

Is Keidi’s service value for money? Let me put it this way. I have personally published several titles. As many more I have written but they were on the back-burner. They are good books with enormous potential but I had neither the time nor the inclination to do my own conventional publishing and marketing. I will be using Keidi’s service for my own needs.

Finally, a subject you will be familiar with; distractions. This memo / article (I don’t like the term ‘blog’) is overdue. I am in the Baltic nation known as Latvia at the moment; it is a working holiday with my Latvian wife, Valda. We return ‘home’ to the Costa del Sol in three weeks. Let me tell you that Latvia is one of the most beautiful countries, and people, in the world. It lives up to its sobriquets: Europe’s Canada and Little Switzerland. I will be sorry to leave but at the same time I am looking forward to being in Spain again. A chance for a coffee (and lunch) with clients and friends; which is the same thing really.

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A Child's Triumph Over Depravity
Thursday, August 4, 2011

There are few things more satisfying than seeing one of my author’s books published and available for purchase. Last week Mickey Finn’s (a pseudonym) book, In My Own Words; Still Running was published. There was nothing of note in Mickey’s contacting me except to say he seemed to be unnecessarily cautious. He had a soft Irish voice and living near Villa Martin we arranged to meet at one of the attractive square’s pavement restaurants.

Mickey relaxed a little in my company; we had much in common apart from nationality and my knowing Dublin reasonably well. It was agreed that I should make a start and I received its first chapters. I guarantee you that it will be a book you will remember reading for decades to come. It is hard to believe such horrors could take place in the 17^th Century, let alone during the 1960s.

Ghost-writing In My Own Words; Still Running was one of the most emotional and distressing things I had ever done. There were parts that left me aching; I needed to break off; get a grip. I was constantly moved to tears.

Please don’t read this true account as a horror story; read it instead as a child’s victory over a state apparatus as wicked as that of the Soviets. Read it as a child’s triumph over depraved sadists; a child who did survive but is still running.

IN MY OWN WORDS: STILL RUNNING

In June 1964, a twelve-year old child was summonsed to appear at Dublin’s Children’s Court; an oak-panelled court located in the sinister Dublin Castle. The offence for which he was charged related to an amateurish break-in under the leadership and influence of older boys. In terms of seriousness their misbehaviour was no more than a childhood prank.

In the harsh surroundings of the court, deep in the bowels of Dublin Castle, the child was sentenced to serve three years hard labour in what was then known in Ireland as an Industrial School.

Letterfrack Industrial School, to which the boy was sent, is situated in Connemara. It is one of Ireland’s most inaccessible counties; a bleak county facing the North Atlantic. For children the awful place’s remoteness found its equal only in a Siberian gulag; the likelihood of escape less than that from the notorious Alcatraz Prison in South Francisco Bay.

The industrial school’s isolation was a major factor in the institutionalised abuse of the child inmates by the Christian Brothers with whom these unfortunate waifs were placed. Many of these ill-fated children had not been convicted of any offence; their only crime was that they had been orphaned; many were victims of dysfunctional family life.

During his sentence, Mickey, and the hundreds of other children who passed through this den of depravity, were methodically physically and mentally tortured and abused. The Irish State was instrumental in providing this depraved band of brothers with a constant stream of child victims.

With Taliban zeal the brothers, practiced in the dark arts of sadism, methodically administered savage beatings and tortures merely on a whim. Child sufferers were randomly selected and the injuries inflicted witnessed by the institution’s children.

Many of the children died or disappeared. In the institution’s gardens today may be found the markers of well over 140 children known to have been murdered. Many more are simply unaccounted for; they simply disappeared. No one had any interest in tracing them.

http://www.authorhouse.co.uk/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?Book=348991

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