THE WRITING WAS CRAP!
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Tip of the Month:
Prepare your Book(s) for the Holidays
“The holidays are fast approaching, and that means millions of Kindles will be delivered over the next several weeks. There are some simple steps you can take to be sure your book(s) are ready for all these new readers that will be looking for books to read.
“Be sure that it is well edited, proofread, and properly formatted. Upload a compelling cover and write a great book description.”
The second paragraph is very important. The biggest mistake an author can make is to presume their content is to retail standard. It is common for frustrated readers to say, ‘the writing was absolute crap.‘
Does it matter? Yes! When your book goes online potential buyers get the first chapters free of charge to whet their appetite. If they are put off by poor writing they will not buy your book.
Imagine going to the effort of writing a book only to see buyers turned off by amateurish content. What a waste of time. The ghost should be able to write your book in an engaging way. Browsers will have the plastic in their hand before they look at other books on offer.
This is why most successful big name authors engage ghosts. If they need them you sure do. It is like doing your own photography at your son or daughter’s wedding. Leaving out the ghost is fatal; it is a false economy.
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A NEW GOLD RUSH FOR AUTHORS
Saturday, December 22, 2012
The trend is for book buyers to download books onto their electronic hand-held screens and laptops. It is here to stay but it is not the end of the conventional book. At the dawn of the television age it was said that radio was finished. Today more people listen to the radio than watch television. Advances in technology are swinging back in favour of conventional books.
Because books are heavy there is a distribution problem; technology has the answer. The second hurdle is how to pay the author his royalties. Technology has the answer for that too.
Here is the old way of doing things: 1,000 + copies of your book are delivered. Don’t celebrate; this is where your troubles begin. You set out to sell and deliver them to outlets on a sale or return basis. The money comes in dribs and drabs; for customers further away you post. It is soul-destroying. So what has changed?
Books are no longer held in stock; they are printed and bound on demand. As soon as you order it is printed, packaged and posted. How do you get paid? The online supplier, Amazon for instance forwards your royalties when they reach a certain amount; £100 for instance.
Here is the future and it is in place as I write. Let us use me as an example; you will understand better and it will inspire your own ideas.
My poetry collection: Swallows, Swifts and Flights of Storks is popular in Latvia. One million people live in Riga. More than a million tourists visit each year; at least half speak English. The potential for sales of my attractively bound book is impressive.
Here is how it works: The bookshop or online browser wishes to buy Swallows. He or she goes to the counter, as in Argos and similar stores. They fill out a little form; name and address; book title; they pay. A day or so later the book is delivered to their address or that of the person they have gifted it to.
How do I get paid? Simple; the bar code when the book is scanned and sold, automatically distributes to the appropriate bank accounts; Amazon, retailer and author. It is not the future; it is now. When it happens struggling authors will find their books selling much faster. Happy Christmas and a Prosperous New Year. Michael.
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A GHOST IN THE PUBLISHING HOUSE
Thursday, December 13, 2012
www.michaelwalsh.es
Bestselling author Wilbur Smith is following the example of novelists like Jeffrey Archer by engaging ghost-writers to write his books. The South African born writer’s novels have so far sold over 122 million copies.
The deal, worth £15 million, ensures that the 79-year old writer will produce six further titles over the next three years. He will outline each title’s plot and then hand it over to a ghost. Each story will be then fleshed out in the same style as that of the writing maestro.
Ghosting books is common practice; Stephen King, Tom Clancy, Clive Cussler and James Patterson are just some of the famous authors whose names appear on books written by unknown writers. It is estimated that 40 percent of books are ghost-written; 80 percent in the case of celebrities.
Local ghost-writer Michael Walsh is unsure of the morality of the trend. “Ghosts are needed, but my clients provide far more than a scribbled plot. They provide at least 40 percent of the content. I flesh it out by adding dialogue and flair.”
Wilbur Smith is estimated to be worth £100 million plus. He recently abandoned PanMacmillan for HarperCollins. The first book will be a sequel to his 1993 novel River God. Its publication will mark his half a century as an author.
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WEAR ASBESTOS GLOVES: IT’S HOT
Friday, December 7, 2012
For as long as I can remember men have been depicted as being obsessed with sex, especially any romantic activity other than the missionary position. Men are seen as being predisposed towards wearing brothel-sneakers, grey Macs whilst furtively carrying a taboo book or magazine to somewhere private.
How times have changed. It appears that women, authors and readers are now pushing the boundaries of conventional sex. It gets better, for the men; they are the ones making derisory remarks now. I thoroughly enjoyed this round robin; I hope you will too.
The novel, Fifty Shades of Grey won women’s hearts and loins but its contents leave blokes scratching their heads in bemusement. One enterprising and clever Dick writer is now making cool cash with his skit on it. He has called his novel Fifty Sheds of Grey. Here is a taster.
We tried various positions; round the back, on the side, up against a wall but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.
She stood before me, trembling in my shed. "I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want with me." I took her to McDonalds.
She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first then harder until finally it came. I moaned with pleasure; now for the other boot.
Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed, though.
"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly. "Mmmm, kinky!" she purred.
"Yes," I said, "You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof."
"I'm a very naughty girl," she said, biting her lip. "I need to be punished." So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.
"Harder!" she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. "Harder!"
"Okay," I said. "What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?"
I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window. Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.
"Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
"I think so," I gulped.
"Here we go, then," she said, and showed me the receipt.
"Hurt me!" she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
"Very well," I replied. "You've got fat ankles and no dress sense."
"Are you sure you want this?" I asked. "When I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks." She nodded. "Okay," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.
"Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!"
"Very well," I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.
"Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously," she said, gently massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD.
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Published at 10:22 PM Comments (0)
You are Interesting
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
When strolling through art galleries or browsing bookshops we tend to see only famous people. Of course years ago it was only the titled and the rich who could afford to leave evidence of their passing. Lord Horatio Nelson and the Viceroy and General Governor of India would give much to be able to write about their lives as we can ours. Our experiences, feelings, relationships; the period we serve our lifespan in. As they had others write their biographies their memoirs are the opinions of others. Marilyn Monroe would seethe at one biographer’s account of her career, glow from another’s yet there might be a strong element of truth in both. No one can write about their life better than the person whose life it belongs to; you.
I know what you are going to say; their lives are more interesting than mine: Rubbish! I recently turned down an all expenses paid trip to Thailand; I was promised a villa of my own to stay in. I declined because the gentleman who wished me to write his biography had been a high-living international socialite and casino owner. How on earth do you enliven a boring account of casual friendships and relationships with the rich and famous? I know my limits.
On the other hand I have been enthralled when re-writing the experiences of people you might describe as ordinary. There was the mother whose husband took an unnatural fancy to his step-niece and later a neighbor’s child. She had to keep moving to stay one step ahead of Social Services in case they took their kids into care. Then there was the Dubliner who, as a young boy was sentenced to over 4 years in an ‘industrial school’ in Connemara for a minor act of vandalism. The beatings, cruelties and sexual depravities by the ‘school’s’ priesthood defy belief.
An extraordinary ordinary person was Betty Musole, born into a thatched hut boma (village) in Central Africa; her story of escape from the depths of deprivation would keep your bedside lamp burning. So would Chris Nand’s epic odyssey that brought him from a South Sea Island village to meet the Beatles and to later live the good life in the Sol.
There are more of course; the point I am making is that ordinary people writing about their lives makes them far more interesting than the boring rich born with a silver spoon in their mouth. We can identify with people like us; not viceroys or film stars. Even if your life has been less exciting it can be enlivened by family and relationship dramas. It is nonsense to say tedium doesn’t sell. Real life, even on a basic level, grabs readers’ attention and often the interest of TV producers. As a ghost-writer I can turn a small drama into a cliffhanger. Try me. Other ordinary people did and they are now successful authors.
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