WRITER'S FORUM

IF YOU CAN WRITE YOU CAN BE AN AUTHOR
Thursday, November 29, 2012

It seems you cannot open a newspaper without reading of someone who, previously living an ordinary life, achieves success as an author. Routine writing means you have probably already written the equivalent of several paperbacks in your life. Never has it been easier to be a published author.

People write for their own reasons: obviously it is wonderful to see your name on a book’s cover; to supplement your income. Some will become very successful. There are no guarantees in life except the guarantee that you will fail unless you make the effort. Some do so because it is therapeutic. Writing is like painting or playing music; it is wonderfully creative; an escape from television tedium. Others write because they want to create a written time capsule of their experiences. Why not all of these reasons?

It is a myth to think you have to write well. Very few famous authors, including Jeffrey Archer and Stephen King, actually write books. They scribble them and they are then passed to ghosts like me for completion. Did you know that 40 percent of all books are ghosted; 80 percent of celebrities bios.

Many people have led interesting lives or have a super imagination. If this includes you then you can be an author too. Jacob Tomsky, a hotel worker is doing well out of his book revealing insider stories of hotel guests and staff; a nurse has done similar. If you have been a policeman, entertainer, nurse, hooker or hobo you have a story people want to read about. It could be a bestseller.

I can double the size of your 30,000 or 45,000 word novel if you wish me to. I do so by adding flair and flow; imaginative detail, character interaction and dialogue. I can turn your paragraph into a highly readable page.

I am not judgmental; my reputation is built on client and situation empathy based on trust and absolute discretion. The sensitivities experienced in all areas of human activity call for open-mindedness. I am a writer, not a moralist.

My ghosting service is your one-stop-shop. We work together and settle fees in easy 10,000 word stages. I advise and I encourage you. On completion I provide you with synopsis and Press Release. The completed MSS is your copyright; you can do with it as you wish. Most will want a cover and heir book putting on Amazon Kindle; my service does that too. Feel free to shop around; my challenge is that you will not find a better deal. No one has yet proved me wrong.

If you or someone you know had an interesting life why not put them in touch with me. Some have seen it happen in as little as three months.

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WHEN COPS MEET GHOSTS
Tuesday, November 27, 2012

A journalist for Europe’s biggest English language free newspaper, Euro Weekly News, Mike Walsh draws on a lifetime of interesting recollections to flesh out his popular weekly columns. I am often asked where I get my inspiration from. “The rich diversity of people I have kept the company of,” he replies.

These certainly include police officers. A good friend was a Metropolitan bobby with the unlikely name of Dick Turpin. It was Dick’s regret that the modern police service isn’t quite what it used to be. “I didn’t question him too closely on his meaning,” Michael smiles.

His main source of income comes from ghost-writing. He recently ghosted a fictional novel penned by ex-London cop, Will Murphy. The subject was the paranormal. Mike thinks it would have been far more interesting had he written instead about his experiences as a police officer in the 1960s.

As a ghost-writer and book publisher his clients include a diversity of interesting characters. These include a rogue who happily described himself as the most successful time share scammer on the Costas. Others include travellers or those with a unique background.

He recalls a lady who, with no credit given to her deceased husband, kept one step ahead of Social Services due to his unhealthy interest in children. Another who, as a Hamburg born youngster, suffered the British and American blitz. A client he turned away was arguably the North-West of England’s most vicious gangster.

“He was a control freak and loose cannon. “Mike says, “In his company I was on tenterhooks. The bobbies are welcome to him.”

With his Liverpool background the amiable ghost remembers police officers as friends. “Life was far less complicated then,” he says. “We would socialise and if one of my CID friends left early, after a few pints, it was because duty called. The stories I was told by Merseyside’s police officers, all part of their life’s rich tapestry, kept me enthralled.”

He says he welcomes ghosting offbeat recollections of the ordinary ‘bobby on the beat’. He thinks the memoirs of the top brass memoirs boring and says the real page-turners are reminisces of past officers from all branches of the illustrious service.

NOTE: This is a Press Release for a police service magazine. If you know of someone who has led a truly interesting life, perhaps they could be persuaded to set their thoughts down. Who knows; their book, small or paperback size could, with my help, be a best seller. Contact me, Michael (Walsh).

quite_write@yahoo.co.uk or visit www.michaelwalsh.es

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WHEN SIZE DOES MATTER
Friday, November 23, 2012

It is perfectly understandable that new writers find writing a paperback daunting. But, who says a book can’t be smaller? Remember, it was the iconic Mills and Boon publishers of romantic fiction who popularized novelettes.The average paperback has about 75,000 words; a novelette can be half that size. It will suit readers who want a lighthearted or informative read that isn’t too heavy and is day-digestible. Larger books are more plentiful because it fits in better with publishers marketing, investment and returns. You don’t have those hang-ups; your novelette or mini-bio is to go on Kindle. The advantage is that whilst the cover price is not significantly lower so hardly affects royalties there is less writing for you to do and ghost-writing fees are halved.

Is publishing a novelette more viable? Ghostwriting fees amount to €1,150 and are paid in five installments as the book progresses; e.g. €230 per 10,000 words. As a ghostwriter, I can, if you wish, flesh your 25k words to bring it up to say 45k / 50k words. The only other cost is €150 to have your book professionally presented with a front cover; copyright; everything including placed on Kindle books online.

Will it sell? Tell as many people as you can; use social networking like Face Book and local forums. If it is aimed at a particular market; romance, health, tourism, gay, adventure, pets; send your press release or advertise your book in appropriate media. I provide clients with a Press Release at half price at €50. If you require it a website for you and your book for just €100.

Both are advisable. Each time a press release is published you get about €100 value advertising free of charge. If you are advertising and have a website you save even more money. It takes much advertising space to present a book. Let your website do that for you. Take small advertisements n many magazines, each with your website link. You can also email your website link to conventional publishers around the world. All it is costing is your time and who knows? Many strike lucky.

The full package costs €1,450 in staged payments as you progress towards your goal at your speed. People spend that much on hobbies and don’t get any returns; authors earn from their books. It is an investment. Unlike other pursuits this is where your paying out ceases and your returns start. With a cover price of 2.95 you bank 70% every sale. Your book could sell in its thousands; income could be considerable. You have the status of published author.

Go on, you know you can. Those who do are just like you.

www.michaelwalsh.es

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HAVE YOU GOT A TAIL TO SELL
Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Those definitely sitting on a goldmine in more ways than one are the ladies of the night (and day) who make a living selling their services. I recently had a sex shop owner contact me. After twenty years in a high street location he is close to calling it a day. He wanted my advice. He has it in mind to, without naming names; take us on a jolly ride on a journey of discovery. He invites us to learn the ins and outs of his many clients varied tastes. I can’t wait; admit it; neither can you.

Many occupations offer promise if all were revealed. You don’t have to be a lady of the night nor bar staff in a seedy club to make money out of your career. Anyone who has ever been in show business will have a rich repertoire of lively anecdotes that will light up the lives of those not so fortunate. What really goes on in the holiday and cruise trades? We want to know.

What tales could you tell? Over the years conversation often has us thinking: why doesn’t he write a book about it: it would be a bestseller. Where you once a policeman, fireman or journalist? Perhaps you or someone you know was a nurse or hotel worker? You could be sitting on a bestseller too. If you don’t do it someone in your trade will and you will have missed the opportunity.

Jacob Tomsky spent eleven years in the hotel industry. Anyone who ever spent a night in a hotel, or is likely to, would be well advised to grab a copy of his book. HEADS IN BEDS: A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustlers and So-Called Hospitality. It is a wart an’ all romp through the hotel trade. There is apparently more goes on in hotels than stolen towels and soaps. Jacob could find himself with a nice top up to his pension when collecting royalties of his book.

If you or someone you know had an interesting life why not put them in touch with me. I am always happy to advise, guide and hold the writer’s hand to that exciting day when his or her book is selling on Amazon. Some have seen it happen in as little as three months.

www.michaelwalsh.es

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A FEW OF MY FAVOURITE WRITERS' QUIPS
Wednesday, November 14, 2012

“I dedicate this book to my daughter Leonora,without whose never-failing sympathy and encouragement it would have been finished in half the time.” - P.G.Wodehouse.

“A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit.” - Richard Bach.

“Whenever I am asked what kind of writing is most lucrative, I have to say, - A ransom note.” - H.N.Swanson.

“Writing is easy. All you have to do is stare at a blank piece of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.” - Gene Fowler.

“The pen is mightier than the sword and considerably easier to write with.” - Marty Feldman.

“When I get manuscripts from aspiring poets, I do one of two things, - if there is no stamped, self-addressed envelope, I throw it into the bin, and if there is one, I write and tell them to .... off.” - Philip Larkin.

“A Classic is a book that everyone wants to have read and nobody wants to read.” - Mark Twain.

www.michaelwalsh.es

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THE BETWEEN THE SHEETS FESTIVAL
Monday, November 12, 2012

Fashions change of course but anything that fuels book buying has got to be a positive trend. The latest seems to be an insatiable appetite for erotic themed novels. Now, even the libraries are getting in on the act. From Friday thirty three British libraries celebrate the 30 raunchiest titles ever published. Themed the Between the Sheets Festival, it will promote these novels. Not surprisingly Jilly Cooper has enduring appeal. EL James Fifty Shades of Grey is a hot topic of conversation. Despite this novel’s soaring sales readers appear to be disappointed in the book’s content.

If looking for erotic stimulation they were clearly looking in the wrong place. Perhaps they were eager for other than searching self analysis or a well written book. My theory is the trilogy delves into the darker arts of sado-masochism. This reveals public curiosity rather than it being a reflection of personal taste. I am not going to buy shares in companies that make whips and manacles.

I haven’t read it so cannot comment directly. After spending many hours each day ghosting authors’ novels I haven’t the will to read those of others. When I occasionally indulge I do so not for entertainment but for enlightenment; maybe curiosity.

I can’t get into many books as often they are childishly written; I toss them to one side. Does mummy-porn have to be prurient juvenile? Why can't adult content be adult? Provocative covers may sell initial copies but many books are sold on the recommendation of others who have already read it.

I don’t have a problem with erotica. It isn’t so long ago that I penned a newspaper article on the oddities of human nature. We lap up the unspeakable depravities of the Hannibal Lectors of this world; we adore the knife going in yet react with sanctimonious disapproval if a penis does the penetrating. Yes, we are an odd but very lovable lot.

www.michaelwalsh.es

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FAMOUS SELF PUBLISHED BOOKS AND AUTHORS
Thursday, November 8, 2012

This list of famous self published authors and books will be useful for those who think self-publishing is vanity publishing. It is not; it is an investment in your talent. Those who have heard that offensive remark need to have enough ammunition to flame such idiots who haven't the ability or courage to write for money. The list is also a reminder that you do not have to be famous or published, to make the big time. It is a lesson also that reminds us that conventional publishers aren’t the brightest tools in the box when it comes to spotting a winner. Look at the fortunes they miss out on.

· Remembrance of things Past, by Marcel Proust
· Ulysses, by James Joyce
· The Adventures of Peter Rabbit, by Beatrix Potter
· The Wealthy Barber, by David Chilton
· The Bridges of Madison County
· What Color is Your Parachute
· In Search of Excellence by Tom Peters
· The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield
· The Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr. (and his student E. B. White)
· The Joy of Cooking
· When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple
· Life’s Little Instruction Book
· Robert’s Rules of Order

OTHER FAMOUS AUTHORS WHO SELF-PUBLISHED

Deepak Chopra, Gertrude Stein, Zane Grey, Upton Sinclair, Carl Sandburg, Ezra Pound, Mark Twain, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Stephen Crane, Bernard Shaw, Anais Nin, Thomas Paine, Virginia Wolff, e.e. Cummings, Edgar Allen Poe, Rudyard Kipling, Henry David Thoreau, Benjamin Franklin, Walt Whitman, Alexandre Dumas, William E.B. DuBois, Beatrix Potter

REJECTED BY PUBLISHERS

Kathryn Sockett - The Help - 60 times
Pearl S. Buck - The Good Earth - 14 times
Norman Mailer - The Naked and the Dead - 12 times
Patrick Dennis- Auntie Mame - 15 times
George Orwell - Animal Farm
Richard Bach - Jonathan Livingston Seagull - 20 times
Joseph Heller - Catch-22 - 22 times (!)
Mary Higgins Clark - first short story - 40 times
Alex Haley - before Roots - 200 rejections
Robert Persig - Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance - 121 times
John Grisham - A Time to Kill - 15 publishers and 30 agents (he ended up publishing it himself)
Chicken Soup for the Soul - 33 times
Dr. Seuss - 24 times
Louis L'Amour - 200 rejections
Jack London - 600 before his first story
John Creasy - 774 rejections before selling his first story. He went on to write 564 books, using fourteen names.
Jerzy Kosinski - 13 agents and 14 publishers rejected his best-selling novel when he submitted it under a different name, including Random House, which had originally published it.

THE LAST WORD: During his entire lifetime, Herman Melville's timeless classic, Moby Dick, sold only 3,715 copies.

www.michaelwalsh.es

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KNICKERS-RIPPING YARNS
Sunday, November 4, 2012

Who would have thought it; women authors are carrying the book reading world before them. We are talking knickers-ripping, not bodice-ripping Mills and Boon romances based on fanciful scenario. This new reading craze is so hot you need to wear your oven gloves to read it.

I am unsure where this fits in with the conventional image of women being the victims of pornography obsessed males. If men’s minds are between their legs it seems the ladies got there first. Even the Russian media is doing a Cossack knees-up over the success of a new novel now outselling EL James Fifty Shades of Grey. Yes, more mummy-porn by a lady author. They used to be called authoress, but that would be sexist.

The work of fiction, Reflected in You by Japanese-American author Sylvia Day and published by Penguin, has already sold 800,000 copies in the UK and during its first week stateside sold over 100,000 copies. It gets better, if you’re Sylvia: the e-book edition has sold 450,000 copies with a further 75,000 pre-ordered in the UK.

Sylvia Day’s latest blockbuster is a sequel to her international bestseller Bared to You. It is the latest in what will be a trilogy. The storyline, which I can only quote from hearsay, focuses on a romance between billionaire business mogul, Gideon Cross and his graduate lover, Eva Tramell.

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DOGS AND SEX
Thursday, November 1, 2012

DOGS AND SEX

Book buyers, online and conventional, are queuing at bookshops to get their hands on the latest novels. The contents are anything but Mills and Boon.

Kathleen Pugh, a District Nurse (53) has hit the headlines with her explicit fantasy Angel with Black Wings. It is the true to life story of a nurse seducing and then afterwards killing a patient. She is even selling it to her clinic’s clients.

She now faces a Nursing and Midwifery Council misconduct hearing. The free publicity her book is receiving means that for the first time author the outcome is probably irrelevant.

Another book grabbing top sales positions and headlines is a ‘biography’ written, supposedly by a 10-year old Jack Russell terrier called Uggie. The canny canine starred in a movie called The Artist. The book is titled: Uggie: The Artist – My Story. At a book signing buyers receive their books with a printed imprint of the dog’s paw.

Ghost-writer Michael Walsh is amused. “I was once asked to write a story from a dog’s perspective. Called Polo, My Story, it was a pup’s account of being abandoned by owners returning to Britain. Found whimpering at the roadside it was left at an animal rescue centre from where it found new owners. It was a true story and why not.”

Online book sales are soaring to meet demand. He adds, “it can be a tough market but the trick is to make the novel – novel.”

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