The Sky Crashed In
I went to show the paramedics the way. What I thought was going to happen, I’m not really sure, but it wasn’t what did happen.
Before I tell you want did happen I just want to say, paramedics and ambulance crews do an amazing job and I would like to thank them, because I know I could not do what they do.
I showed them to my parent’s bedroom and explained on route that Mum was already gone and that she had had an inoperable brain tumour. They told me to wait in the hall, which I did and asked my Dad to leave the room. Then they took the sheets and pulled her off the bed and started to try to resuscitate her, I couldn’t get my head round it, she was dead. (They have to try because an ambulance had been called.)
I followed my Dad downstairs and he stood in the kitchen holding the little cow that girls had been made me promise to give to Nanny. She’s gone hasn’t she? I simply answered yes.
He let out the most painful sound I have ever heard and we hugged. Within mintues he was back to his practical self, he needed to let my Aunt know, so she could break the news to my grandparents.
All the while the paramedics were still working on my Mum, now they needed to get her to hospital, which meant opening the front door which we never used as a family, it had been years since it had even been opened, but they could not get a stretcher through the two back doors.
I don’t know why, it’s totally irrational, but I couldn’t let her go in the ambulance alone. I knew she wasn’t there, it was just her shell, her body, but I had to go with her. Not knowing how these things work, I’d never been in an ambulance before, I was told to get in the front, so they could carry on working.
Sadly for the driver, now was when I started behaving like a mad women and continued to ask ‘why are they doing that, she’s dead’ not just once but I repeated it for the whole 15 mile journey. He really did have the patience’s of a Saint.
Remarkably my Dad in the car behind managed to keep up all the way. Which I was very grateful for when we finally arrived at the hospital.
My only point of reference was the television show ‘Casualty’, so you can imagine my surprise to find it’s nothing like that. I was told to wait as they wheeled my Mum in, I just stood there not knowing what to do, then my Dad appeared and I just followed his lead.
We sat in the relative’s room, my Dad phoned my brother. I saw a leaflet about organ donation and told him that Mum had wanted to be one. He had no Idea, but she had a card in her purse, we had discussed it but clearly my parents had not.
The door opened and a nurse walked in and sat on the table in front of us. She told us what we already knew, Mum had gone. I told the nurse about her wanting to be a donor, but was told it was too late, because she had been dead for too long, they couldn’t use anything, what a waste. She also said, that although she was dead there was some air in her lungs that would soon be realised and would we like to be with her for what in affect would be her final breath. God no, I’ve watched my mum die once today, do I really want to do it again. Of course I did, my Dad wanted to, so I held both my parents hands, as the air escaped and the sky crashed in.
For the second time that day, my Dad let out the sound of sheer pain, then cried ‘What do I do now?’ This was the first day I had ever seen my dad cry. Now it was time for me to be the strong one, hold it together for my Dad and my girls.
