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It is now day 15 and still no funds from 'paypal'. They have promised faithfully three times on 3 separate occasions now that my funds would be in my bank within 3 days, but they have not materialised. I have now formally complained to the FOS who are their regulatory body within Europe. It would have been all the same had I really needed the money to live, luckily I don't, but their abysmal failure to perform has made me determined not to let them off the hook. 

Of course money isn't the most important thing in the world, Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

I was once held up by a mugger with a gun. He said, "Your money or your life!" He got restless when I hesitated, I told him, "Wait a minute, I'm thinking about it!"

One thing I've learned in life, when someone says "It's not the money it's the principle", it's the money.

Mind you its easy to run up a big credit card bill. When my last one arrived I swear I heard a drum roll as I was opening it. And there's always too much month left at the end of my balance limit.

I still think taxes are too high. The difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector is that the taxidermist only takes your skin. I think I'll spend a year dead for tax purposes. They say that everyone should pay their taxes with a smile.....I tried that once but they demanded money.

I told my bank that if they sent me just one more nasty threatening letter I would take my overdraft elsewhere! Talking about banks, my local Spanish bank normally has two tellers on, except when it gets busy, then they have one. Banks say they are now trying to be ultra friendly. If they're so friendly how come they chain down the pens?

My wife was once so poor she didn't know where her next husband was coming from. However I always try to help the poor, trouble is when I go to help the homeless, they're never home. The hardest thing about being homeless though is that they'll never be able to enjoy camping.  Seriously though I always give money to the homeless. My wife shouts at me 'They'll only spend it on cigarettes and alcohol'....like I wasn't going to?

When my brother in law gives money to charity he does so silently, silently like a waiter falling down the hotel stairs with a tray full of glasses.

Off to Norfolk next week. I once saw a sign on a lift in one of Norfolk's premier hotels, it said, ' Please do not use this lift when it is not working'.

My lady had her purse stolen in a Chinese shop on Friday. We had to phone Madrid to get a reference number then go to the National Police in the Arroyo to make another report. She had all her cards in the purse so I quickly cancelled them in Spain and the UK. All banks were very professional and the job was done in minutes. Her drivers licence was among the items in her purse so she now has to apply for a new one. Incidentally it is not correct that a person can drive in Spain if they have a 'Police Report' indicating that their licence has been stolen. No person can drive in Spain unless they have a valid driving licence. This means I shall have to drive my wife around until her new licence arrives. There were 'security' cameras in the Chinese shop, the police have been informed of this so it will be interesting to see if they follow up.

In Spain today thieves are so good at it they can steal the hub caps off of a moving car !!

We tend to live in a society now where a pizza delivery gets to your house before a police car after a 999 call.

I'm having a lot of trouble with pap pal.....sorry paypal. I sold something on ebay, the buyer received the package and emailed me to say he was very happy. Paypal have now taken almost 2 weeks, and the money is still not in my account. They say they tried to send two 'proving' amounts but my bank refused them. On checking with my bank they say no such attempt to put money into my account has come from paypal. I have had to send paypal a copy of my latest bank statement and a copy of my passport. They make you feel like a budding criminal for their own short comings. I have sent them lots of emails and they now tell me the funds may be in my account on Monday next.........

One of my first jobs was selling hearing aids door to door. It was a tough job as my best potential clients never answered the door bell....

It appears to me that politicians obey the 11th Commandment more than any other: Thou shalt not be found out.

Always look out for Number One, and try not to step on a Number Two.

If you're going to do something today that you know you're going to feel sorry for in the morning, set your alarm for just after noon.

Spanish Proverb: How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterwards.

Finally, don't take life too seriously....none of us are going to get out of it alive

Shame about poor old Gazza isn't it? He had sixteen years of high earnings, public adolation, first class travel & hotels paid for by his clubs, and all the benefits and trappings of a superstar. Yeah, bloody shame. Alcoholism is an illness I know, usually fatal, and often can bring misery to the alcoholic and his friends and family. One glass is one too many and a dozen are never enough. There is only one person who can truly help the addicted, and that is the person themselves. Needs resolve and every day must be taken as a new challenge.

That reminds me of the two Irishmen who walked past a pub............well, it could happen.

I once saw a tee shirt with the following on it: BEER - Helping ugly people have sex since 1865.

Here in Spain we have an abundant selection of really good wines to choose from. However, once in an English bar in Fuengirola the wine tasted like a urine sample from someone gravely ill.

Brendan Behan once saw a sign that said, 'Drink Canada Dry', so for the rest of his short life he tried. He reckoned he wasn't drunk if he could lie on the floor without holding on. In his early life he fell in love with a beautiful woman who, he said, drove him to drink. He tried very hard to find her again to thank her but never could. In his later life he never drank anything stronger than Gin before breakfast. He said he only drank twice a day - when he was thirsty, and when he wasn't.

Hangover: The Wrath of Grapes.

I came home last night to find someone had parked in my drive! I wrote them a polite message not to park in my drive again.......using a six inch nail on their bonnet.

That reminds me of when one day I was getting into my car in the Myramar car park. A guy came up to me and asked, "Would you give me a lift?" I replied, "Sure mate. You're really handsome, your hair looks fantastic, I've never seen such white teeth, or snazzy clothes. How's that?"