Author

Just been hitting those little dimpled white balls with my pal Peter. Getting hot here now. Today is already 36 degrees, and the forecast for the weekend is 40 !!! So glad I've got a swimming pool to jump into every half hour.

My lady and I went to the Cinesur cinema complex in Fuengirola last night to watch the 2015 film, "Far From The Madding Crowd." We both thought it was excellent. We already knew the ending of course, but still very, very enjoyable. My bag of Maynards' Wine Gums went down a treat too!!!

Nearly at the end of the second proof-read for my latest novel, "The Saturday Pledge". Teresa, who is a published authoress in her own right (No pun intended), certainly knows how to wield a red pen!!! But she is an excellent editor/proof-reader. It should be ready by the end of July to go to the publishers.

I saw this morning on the BBC that Buckingham Palace needs some work on it, and the Queen is being asked to contribute to what is, after all, her home. Shouldn't hurt her too much. Forbes state that she is worth in excess of £44 Billion.  Not an easy job for her though, all that hand-waving and smiling at people when she'd rather be at Sandringham with the corgi's and the great Norfolk air.

I've had a lot of emails asking me how I got on with the Spanish. The Spanish are rumoured not to like Brits too much, but I've never seen any signs of that. We are immigrants in their country, but I think they realised that we have brought our money with us, and I don't think that on the Costa del Sol, or Costa Blanca, the Spanish would have enjoyed the high standard of living they have were it not for us coming here and spending on housing, etc etc. I have never been a drain on Spain's economy. I pay my taxes, car tax, car insurance, house insurance, community charge, private health insurance, etc etc. I, and my family, have never knowingly broken the laws of Spain, apart from me getting the odd speeding ticket. Fair cop - guilty m'lord ! All in all Spain is a good place to live, IF you have money. We're going back because we want to see our kids more often. The airlines murder families who want to come out in school holidays, so they have contributed to our leaving. Many people don't want a villa in Spain unless they can see Big Ben from their bedroom window.

My father, believed that ALL foreigners were dangerous. His perception was that the danger started at Calais and continued across the world until you reached Perth in Australia.

There's a lot of charity gigs going on at this time of year. I always give, especially for drug addicts. I consider that if they're in treatment they're not prising open the boot of my new car.

I had a very, very pleasant business lunch with my accountant in Norwich a couple of weeks ago. He paid for everything and I managed to pinch the receipt.

A friend came for dinner the other evening. He said he knew everything about predudice. I asked him, how come? He told me: "Look, I'm ginger-haired, left-handed, a Norwich City supporter, and a Muslim."  But I replied, "Look us English are the most tolerant bigots on God's earth." He said, "Look, when gay people and Muslims can openly admit they are UKIP members, then, and only then, can we say we are a tolerant race."

Hasta Pronto.

In the area where I have a villa in Spain there is plenty of pipe-laying going on with the accompanying chaos. UK Health and Safety would have a field day here. Inadequate signs, poor shielding off of large deep holes, etc,. and untrained traffic marshallers who generally stand around holding a round blue sign with a little white arrow on it which occasionally he'll wave to indicate you can proceed. All very well except the other day a friend was waved on as was another car at the other end of the roadworks travelling in the opposite direction! The contractors leave the roads in a terrible state, luckily I drive a 4x4.

My lady and I went to Cinesur cinema complex and watched 'The Gunman' starring Sean Penn. He's not a favourite of mine but it was a decent action film, with lots of stars in it. We went on Wednesday, which is the cheapest day for seat prices. We paid 3.70€ each (£2.60 approx.) The complex in Myramar is excellent. Comfortable clean armchair type seats with oodles of leg-room.

I went into my local bar here yesterday, and in the toilet was a large sign which read, 'WET PAINT' on the wall. I wondered whether it was a warning or an instruction........

My lady is in the UK at the moment choosing kitchens etc for the new place which we move into in late August, early September. She's got the children and grandchildren around her, so she's in her element. She knows all about our kids dentist appointments,romances, favourite foods, favourite TV shows, best friends, etc etc. Me? Well, I'm aware that there are some annoying short people living in the house.

I daresay M & S, Next, and other similar stores will see a dramatic rise in sales now that she's in Norwich. It's funny how a man will pay £2 for a £1 item that he needs, whereas a woman, especially my wife, will pay £1 for a £2 item that she dosn't need, but it's in a Sale.

A lady friend of mine is a member of the W.I. She's really excited about their 2016 nude calendar. Apparently Jo Brand has been asked to appear as Ms December, standing behind a bungalow.

I'm getting the pool ready for the usual July and August visitors. Very close to the pool I have positioned a 'fridge which is full of wine, and San Miguel. That's my son sorted, now just got to think of something for the kids.....

My granddaughter was filling in a job ap the other day, she tells me. One question asked if there was any insanity in the family. She replied yes, her grandpa, her uncle, and her brother all support Norwich City.

An important message for all men, check your testicles very carefully for testicular cancer, and do it regularly. However, be careful. I got arrested last week.....well, I was in Waitrose....

My wife has just 'phoned and told me I have to do some jobs. She's left a list on the calendar in the kitchen. I respect that totally, I'm not daft.  She says if I haven't completed all the jobs by the time she returns, she'll make me watch two episodes each of Eastenders and Coronation Street, or, as I call them, 'Benders' and 'Constipation Street'. To get a male part in Benders all you have to do is not shave, mumble in a deep voice, and drink a lot in the local pub. To get a female part you have to cry a lot, keep saying 'innit', and drink a lot in the local pub..

News Flash: British scientists have found something that dulls the brain, makes many angry, and promotes nausea immediately,  they've named it 'Politics'.

Better get on with the jobs.

Placido Domingo.