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Last one for tonight:
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If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle.
In other words, send it to everyone !
(and God love that pig)
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FibbyUK
One off fee to pay your own La Renta tax (210 Form)
Check out my website:
http://www.payingtaxesinspain210form.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
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This message was last edited by eric on 5/29/2007.
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This message was last edited by eric on 5/29/2007.
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I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked okay
for a 57-year-old.
We drank a bit, and a had a bit of a snog and she asked if I'd ever
had a Sportsman's Double.
"What's that?" I asked.
"It a mother and daughter threesome," she said.
I said, "No."
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.
I went back to her place.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
"Mum, you still awake?"
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Laury
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Two blondes walking through a wood, they come across some tracks, badger tracks one blonde shouts, no they are deer tracks the other blonde exclaims, no I am telling you they are definitely badger tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Andy
This message was last edited by harry32 on 5/11/2007.
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Best Regards
Andy
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This message was last edited by JeansSis on 5/18/2007.
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WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Andy
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Best Regards
Andy
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Loved Laury's joke!!!!
I'll be sharing that one!
Elle xx
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www.lanzaroterelocation.co.uk
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This message was last edited by JeansSis on 5/18/2007.
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While I was driving down the M1 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a policeman on the other side with a radar gun, laying in wait.
The policeman pulled me over, walked up to the car and with that classic, patronising smirk, asked: "Runway too short"?
To which I replied. "I'm late for work"
To which he asked, "What do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.
The policeman was surprised and confused.
"A what"
"A rectum stretcher and just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," I said "I start by inserting one finger then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can stretch and stretch and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole until it's about 6 feet"
Then the policeman asked questioningly and cautiously. "And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"
To which I politely replied, "You give it a radar gun and park it behind a bridge..."
Speeding ticket: £105,
Court Costs: £45,
Look on copper's face: Priceless....
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FibbyUK
One off fee to pay your own La Renta tax (210 Form)
Check out my website:
http://www.payingtaxesinspain210form.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
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This message was last edited by JeansSis on 5/18/2007.
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You may have seen this before, but it's worth another read:
The Secret behind the number 11
Pretty Chilling - read to the bottom. Try it out.
If you are a sceptical person - still read on as it's actually very interesting!!
This is actually really freaky!! (Mainly the end part, but read it all first)
1) New York City has 11 letters
2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.
3) Ramsin Yuseb has 11 letters. (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin Towers in 1993)
4) George W Bush has 11 letters.
This could be a mere coincidence, but this getsinteresting:
1) New York is the 11th state.
2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11.
3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers, was carrying 65passengers. 6 + 5 = 11
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1 =11
6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911.
Sheer coincidence..?
Read on and make up your own mind:
1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254.
2 + 5 + 4 = 11
2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year.
3) The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.
Now this is where things get totally eerie:
The most recognized symbol for the US, after the Stars & Stripes, is the Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Koran, the Islamic holy book:
"For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah while some of the people trembled in despairstill more rejoiced: for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace."
That verse is number 9.11 of the Koran.
Unconvinced about all of this still ..?
Try this and see how you feelafterwards, it made my hair stand on end:
Open Microsoft Word and do the following:
1. Type in upper case Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to hit one of the Twin Towers.
2. Highlight the Q33 NY.
3. Change the font size to 48.
4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS……………………
What do you think now????
_______________________
FibbyUK
One off fee to pay your own La Renta tax (210 Form)
Check out my website:
http://www.payingtaxesinspain210form.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
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Just in case any of you take the '911' connections too seriously, best take a look at this.
http://www.hoax-slayer.com/wingdings-911.html
Nothing personal, Fibby.
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No Apologies for Copying this from another thread! I know Rixxy really enjoyed this one..........
Sad News
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.
Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Kokey" has died peacefully at the age of 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in, "And then the trouble started! !!!!
Shut up. You know it's funny.
Now send it on to someone else and make them smile.
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Mike T
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Oh Vicar,
What a spoilsport you are!
I was totally taken in with that one............................ I will say 3 hail Mary's and pray for forgiveness,
Anyway, who am I to preach  , sorry, couldn't resist that one!
_______________________
FibbyUK
One off fee to pay your own La Renta tax (210 Form)
Check out my website:
http://www.payingtaxesinspain210form.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
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Sorry if you have had this before
How does the small arrow in the screen of the computer work when we move the mouse? Haven't you ever wondered how it works?
Now, through the miracle of the high technology, we can see how it is done. With the aid of a screen magnifying lens the mechanism becomes apparent.
Go to: http://www.1-click.jp/ and simply move the mouse arrow over the magnified area to see what is really happening beneath the surface (make sure your speakers are on).
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Regards
John
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Hope you all like this one, made me laugh and I will apologise now for the language at the end.
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
I'd love to be eight again" she replied
On the morning of her birthday he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of
Coco Pops and then took her off to the local theme park.
What A Day!
He put her on every ride in the park:
* The Death Slide
* The Wall of Fear
* The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme Park. Her head was reeling
and her stomach felt Upside down. Right away they journeyed to a McDonalds
where her loving Husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a
refreshing Chocolate milk shake. Then it was off to the
movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she
could drink, her favourite lolly and M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and
collapsed onto the bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a
big smile and lovingly asked
"Well Dear, What was it like being eight again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed
........................................
I meant my dress size, you f....n* tw*t" !!!!!
The moral of this story: Even when a man is Listening, he's still going to
get it wrong !
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Maureen & Dennis
Coto Real
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Jan
www.apartment-on-costadelsol.co.uk
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3 mice having a chat as to who was the strongest...
1st mouse says '' I'm the strongest , because every night I go to the mouse trap, steel the cheese. Then when it springs I grab the bar and do 20 bar lifts before i reset the trap.
2nd mouse says, '' mmmm impressive, but I'm stronger..I get rat posion grind it up and snort it through my nose for kicks''.
3rd mouse turns and walks off...the other two shout, '' hey where you off to'', he replies.....''I'm off to f*** the cat''.
don't wish to upset anyone but it was how it was told to me and I thought it was funny....sorry if I offended !!!!
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Fruit.....
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This message was last edited by eric on 5/29/2007.
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