JOKES PLEASE .. IN HERE

MORE A HISTORY LESSON THAN A JOKE BUT IT MAKES INTERESTING READING

IN THE 1500'S
>
>   The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water
>temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be.
>Here are some facts about the1500s:
>
>   These are interesting...
>
>   Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in
>May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to
>smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence
>the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
>
>   Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house
>had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men,
>then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then
>the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the
>saying, Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water..
>
>   Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood
>underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats
>and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it
>became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof.
>Hence the saying . It's raining cats and dogs.
>
>   There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.. This
>posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could
>mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung
>over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into
>existence.
>
>   The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.
>Hence the saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get
>slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to
>help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh
>until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A
>piece of wood was placed in the entrance way. Hence the saying a thresh
>hold.
>
>   (Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
>
>   In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that
>always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to
>the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would
>eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight
>and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had
>been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas
>porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old..
>
>
>   Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special.
>When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was
>a sign of wealth that a man could bring home the bacon. They would cut off
>a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat..
>
>   Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content
>caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning
>death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or
>so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
>
>   Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of
>the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper
>crust.
>
>   Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would
>sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking
>along the road would
>   take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on
>the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around
>and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom
>of holding a wake.
>
>   England is old and small and the local folks started running out of
>places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the
>bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1
>out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they
>realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on
>the wrist of the corpse, thread it through the coffin and up through the
>ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard
>all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone
>could be saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.
>
>   And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !
>